It's a New Post! Plus...Meet Baby Vash! ^_^

So....first, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!  As with many in the US, my thoughts, prayers, and tears are with Newtown, CT, and Sandy Hook Elementary School.  It's unimaginable to think what those kids and families are coping with, and there truly are no right words one can say.

It's been a while since I've written about writing.  Since finishing my absolute final draft of The Arrival, I've been in a lull.  My focus has been on my one page synopsis and individualizing query letters, and while I've read bits and pieces of #2 and jotted notes for #3, I haven't set aside any time to write.  I've wanted to, really.  Temptation seems to draw me elsewhere.

For instance, the sequel to Dead Island, Dead Island Riptide (mature content), will allow players to carry over their inventory from a saved game.  Awesome!  I love seeing game publishers reward loyalty with perks like this.  However, after finishing the game the first time, I started a new game...which also allowed me to keep my inventory...and then stopped some point after reaching the city.  I'm certain I was pulled away to finish Assassin's Creed Brotherhood so I could start Assassin's Creed Revelations...but, long story short (too late! - Clue), I picked up Dead Island again to finish it with intentions on rushing through to get it done and have my inventory.  Only...I forgot how much fun the game is and keep slumming around the city and island in search of items I don't really need.  :-/  At least I've made it to the jungle, so I'm not too far off from the end.  Call me a fan of large, immersible worlds in which I can roam to my heart's content while felling zombies with my flaming (or electrified) machete.

Alas!  My large, immersible world doesn't need zombies to hold my attention.  Assassin's Creed does a wonderful job as well and I never tire of searching for treasure or taking over the Templar strongholds and running over rooftops.  Fans of the series can guess that I've reached beyond Brotherhood into Revelation.  I have until sometime in 2013 to finish Dead Island, but I think Santa is bringing me Assassin's Creed III and I cannot wait!  Temptation from writing #1 = video games.

Since having my surgery in November, I've spent time in bed watching anime and reading manga, too.  I bought season two for Black Butler, which received mixed reviews from fans, and dug in to the meat of the set.  I have yet to watch the bonus material.  I also re-watched the Trigun series and have started Hellsing Ultimate, which I got for my birthday.  As for BB #2...I can't say that I saw where a lot of the negative reviews I read were coming from, but I felt it was a rushed season that held promise.  It got dirtier and grittier than the original, which I liked, but I wish more time and care had been taken to make it cohesive.  It's a fine addition any fan's collection, but it could have been more than it is.  Of course, the original season, when compared to the books, also could have been more than it was.  Hellsing, as any fan could and should expect, is spectacular, and I am only too happy to listen to Crispin Freeman's voice.  I do like how this one follows the books, unlike the original.  Some time has passed between watching the original, reading the books, and seeing this, so there were parts I looked forward to that that never came to be.  My only complaint is that same complaint I had with the books - the Major talks too much!  Ugh.  It sucked to read the accent and now it sucks to listen to him yammer on.  Shut him up and give Crispin more lines!  But that's minor, really.  I have yet to finish it or watch the remainder of the material that came with the sets.  Otherwise recent manga acquisitions include Bleach, Vampire Knight, Sailor Moon, and Black Butler.  Temptation from writing #2 = anime and manga.

And then...while researching an agent, I discovered one of his clients and rushed out to the store to buy her book.  It's the first time I've ever purchased a hard-cover book (non text book) and the first time in recent memory that a "real" book has captured my attention - let alone a YA novel.  Now, I am thoroughly contented with manga counting as real books, but others consider them glorified comics, so...hence "real" book.  Rachel Hartman's Seraphina - check it out.  Temptation from writing #3 = reading "real" books.

Of course, then there's the new baby in the house...Vash (the Stampede) - yes, an obvious homage to Trigun's main character, to which I also pay homage in my second manuscript.  He's a whopping 9 weeks old and sweet as can be, with an unusual black smoke pattern (black stripes and swirls over nearly-black fur).  He can be a hellion when he's awake - I took a kitten-size Chuck Norris round house to the nose the other night.  There's a picture of Vash below.  We chose to name him from Trigun in memory of Neko, who was loosely named after the Kuro Neko (black cat) in Trigun.  Temptation from writing #4 = kitten.

Finally, I don't know where I've been for the last few years, but I'm in love with Castle.  I first fell "in love" with Nathan Fillion when he was Johnny on Two Guys and Girl and a Pizza Place and have seen him in other offerings since (to include Captain Hammer in Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog).  Temptation from writing #5 = Nathan Fil...I mean...Castle.

Now I'm blogging instead of writing, even while thinking about how much I want to write.  It's funny, in a way, since I'm technically writing...  I don't believe one should force oneself to write.  I believe it can result in stilted, uninspired writing.  However, I'm not sure what to make of these feelings that I want to write, but don't or can't or won't.  I listen to music that I know will inspire the story to flow through me, which works, but I still don't get on the laptop.  I jot down notes in my notebook and get all fired up...but my manuscript remains untouched.  I play scenes through my head and focus on Alex, a character who exists in the first manuscript but isn't introduced until the second story, and where I now want to take him...but he stands still as ink on paper.  Why is this?  Have I subconsciously decided that all energy needs to go into my agent hunt, leaving none for my other projects?  Perhaps I worry that diverting attention away from the agent hunt will interfere.  But that makes little sense when I literally send out one or two queries at a time and research one or two agents afterward in anticipation of the next round.  Well, I've sent another query off and have an idea of someone I'd like to reach out to next...but I have to decide if I want to wait for a particular agent who isn't accepting queries right now, or write to one in the agency who is.  I understand that querying an agency can be, but usually isn't, the same as querying an individual agent, so I have to weigh my pros and cons. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop being old fashioned and just send out a bunch of queries...but then I remember that personalized rejections can offer insight and are worth waiting for.  I've probably mentioned before that I've trained myself to expect rejections.  It makes them easier to handle.  But this time, I think given my excitement over the book I found, I have a spark of hope that I am trying desperately to snuff.  After I received my first rejection, I wandered around my garden for about an hour, singing a song over and over in my head, trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal.  It was just the first one.  There would be many others.  But, it was the first one and it did hurt.  It's perfectly fine to be disappointed that an agent I liked sent me a rejection, but when I really want that agent to see the potential of my story and feel that hope growing...I know I'm going to feel that hurt again.  That's the life of a writer, though.  Just how it is.  And I'd never give it up.

I love my characters.  I love their world.  I love spending time with them, both the good and the bad, the happy and the gutwrenching.  I love that two and a half novels have spilled from my mind to paper, allowing me to share them with people close to me.  I even love that uncertainty of putting them out in the world for judgment. 

  

HP Pavilion M6 - Follow Up Review

The initial review of the HP Pavilion M6 has had a lot of traffic and one person left comments about his/her own experiences with the laptop.  His/her concerns were as follows:

1. Slight warming of the left palm rest

2. Feels like the display is a bit too reflective (my last one was matte, so i might be panicking)

3. i have some worries about the build quality. i really do hope it lasts {at least} 3 years without any major issues.. (KP Note:  the screen broke and was replaced by HP)

I'll address those concerns first, with my own experience:

1.  I have noticed a warm spot to the left of the touch pad.  However, I generally use a chill pad and that greatly reduces the heat generated.  When one looks at the bottom of the laptop, it is readily apparent that the hard drive, ram, and so forth are compartmentalized through the center - or under the touchpad and through the middle of the keyboard.  All of the vents and fans are in the middle and to the left side, so it's not surprising that heat would gather there.  The only thing of note on the right side of the bottom is the subwoofer.  So - in short, I always use a chill pad - and not one that sits flush against the bottom, but one that allows for proper air circulation between it and the laptop.  It does make a difference.

2.  I had initially noted that the display seemed less reflective than my last laptop, but I believe it's actually the same.  Going from a matte screen to glossy is a big jump and I had issues with it when I purchased my first glossy screen 3 laptops ago.  However, one does adjust and gets used to it.  I'm not going to say it's not a pain - it really sucks when the screen is used outdoors, especially on sunny days.  My personal opinion though is that the glossy screen tends to hold up better to being touched and is easier to clean than a matte screen (my second monitor is matte).

3.  I can't comment with any certainty on the build quality.  I baby my laptops, so the risk of breakage due to use or accidents is minimal.  I have not experienced breakage on any of my previous 4 HP laptops (I still have three of them-current one included-and donated another that is still in use).  That said, the screen/lid is considerably thinner than on previous laptops, so I can see where that could be an issue.  However, in the course of my work, I have seen some truly flimsy laptop lids (cheap Toshibas and HPS) where the lid physically warps and bends when grabbed at the top and given a slight twist.  On this one, if the screen is pushed all the way back and tapped, it will rock on the hinges - so it's not indestructible.  When it comes to laptops and computers, you generally get what you pay for.  This class of laptop is probably mid-range - it's not cheap by any means and it's also not high end,  but it is solid in comparison to the cheapo laptops I just described.  In short - I have not had any problems with the build quality and in fact believe HP added to the portability by adding the grippy-texture to the bottom side of the lid when it is closed to help in avoiding slippage or droppage.  (And yes, like Barney Stinson, I made up quite a few words in that last sentence.)

My qualms with the laptop:

1.  Wireless range.  To be fair, it very well could be our home network.  I have not yet troubleshooted the issue, cycled our equipment, or tried switching the channel.  ALSO - I experience the same wi-fi issues on my phone in the same rooms...although my phone also has connectivity issues with the cell towers, too, when switching from 3 to 4g (Droid Razr).  However, I never had this issue on my previous laptop, so even if the problem lies mostly in my network equipment, I have to wonder if the wireless adapter wasn't somehow....downgraded...or something.  The issue:  in the back rooms of the house, I've had the signal drop out on me (the modem and router are in the living room).  When vpn'ing into work, it's dropped my connection on multiple occasions during the same session.  My VPN connection is considerable slower on this laptop than my other one, as well.  Again, however, there are many variables at play here - as I said, I have not troubleshooted my network equipment and my work pc has recently had some resource hogging software installed on it (and its motherboard is dying - so the list of issues never ends).  The only thing I can say with certainty is that the wi-fi connectivity on this laptop while on BATTERY use, is limited and can drop easily.  That can be rectified by changing the power settings during battery use, though this will use more battery life because it directs more power to the wireless adapter.  This is a common issue in today's laptops, however, and does not necessarily speak poorly of this laptop.  So...did I say anything helpful there or just a bunch of contradictions?  ^_^

2.  Sound.  Beats audio did turn itself back on, despite being disabled in services.  The sound just suddenly got worse.  Other reviewers have completely uninstalled Beats and rolled the sound driver back to an older version that does not use Beats.  That is an option one can take.  I have chosen to work with Beats instead - I turned off the equalizer in Windows Media Player and tweaked the settings on the Beats equalizer.  That has helped considerably.  BUT - the sound on this laptop is just shoddy.  On my old laptop, I could blast the music at full volume and hear it throughout the house.  On this one, sometimes full volume isn't enough for sitting at my desk.  Beats or no Beats, I am disappointed in the sound - both quality and volume.  For my use, it's not a deal breaker, but still a disappointment.  I have yet to use the laptop with headphones, but I anticipate the experience to be more pleasurable (given my experience with the DV7) - this is pure speculation.

3.  Keyboard.  On the rare occasions that I use the laptop keyboard, I am continually thrown by the arrow key placement.  As I said in the other review, I love shortcut keys, so now I'm always hitting the wrong keys.  That said, this laptop does include a full keyboard with number pad, so even when I don't have my USB keyboard, this one is sufficient.  It's a minor issue.

4.  Charging USB Ports.  Excellent theory behind the technology and probably very useful.  But I'd like to be able to turn the function off.  Thankfully, my chill pad has an on/off switch, but few come with that option and it's a pain to remember to turn it on and off.  Both charging ports are on the right side, and due to the way my chill pad works, I cannot use the ports on the left side.

Overall, I don't have much to add to my first review.  Despite the minor issues I've noticed, this is a quality laptop that I would recommend for purchase.  The sound and keyboard are truly minor issues, and I haven't thoroughly investigated the wi-fi issue, so it's not fair to make any decisions based on that.  With the rise of wireless networks and wireless devices comes a rise in wireless conflicts.  Cycling my equipment or changing the broadcast channel just might resolve the issue completely.  When it comes to something like that, unless the wifi on the laptop isn't turning on or is disabling itself (like the DV7), all variables need to be considered before one blames the laptop's wireless adapter.

Aside from the "techy-stuff" and things I talked about in the first review, there are cosmetic and functional changes that I do like - such as the fact that there is no lighted HP Logo on the lid.  Whether it was simply generated by light from the screen or lit by a separate power source, it was a distraction for others in the room (I know, because my husband now uses it in the living room and we typically watch tv in the dark).  The touchpad is larger and not quite as sensitive as the last one.  When typing in MS Word on my previous laptop, I would frequently hit the touchpad and wreak havoc in my document.  I had to get into the habit of turning it off when typing and then turning it on when I needed to use it.  That was a pain.  I have not had that trouble with this laptop.  In fact, the letter keys on the keyboard and the palm rests are in perfect place for typists who use the home row.  The blacklit keyboard is nice when typing in the dark and I LOVE that it can toggled on and off.  I would hate having a backlit keyboard that could not be turned off.  The absence of touch buttons makes the laptop easier to clean without accidentally turning it on/off, adjusting the volume, or turning off the wifi, etc.  In fact, the metallic finish also make the laptop not only easier to clean, but more aesthetically pleasing (the last laptop was glossy and showed every fingerprint, smudge, etc).   The laptop is thinner, lighter, and more portable than my previous one.  I never thought that would be an issue until I found out just how easy it is to move this thing.  I'd have to check the technical specs again (provided in link form in the first review), but I believe this weighs around 5 pounds.  And the added grip is a really nice touch for those who tend to drop things (like me).

In summary, it is usually quite difficult for me to give up my previous laptops in favor of new ones.  I get attached.  I get used to the way things used to be.  I don't like change.  But I haven't had any of those issues with the HP Pavilion M6.  Aside from a few minor quirks, the transition has been smooth and I haven't given my old laptop a second thought.

Sorry for any typos - I didn't edit this post well.  (Feeling lazy today ^_-)

Health Update: Adenomyosis, Mirena, and Some Other Stuff

Today is a writing day, but I wanted to post something first, so expect more odd bits of info strung together without any real relation to one another.  Such is my way.  ^_^

After a summer filled with pain so immense it was untouchable by OTC pain killers, along with prescription pain meds and antibiotics, doctors, xrays, ct-scans, procedures, and mris, I finally have an answer, and for once, I am afflicted with something that can be cured.  The likely culprit:  adenomyosis, which is similar to endometriosis, except that it occurs within the uterus.  My doctor dismissed endometriosis rather quickly due to prior surgeries and the time duration for symptom onset.  She said that signs for endometriosis are usually present early in life and that there was no evidence of endometriosis during an abdominal surgery about five years ago.  Plus, the symptom onset happened steadily over a period of months this past year and then worsened suddenly with acute, localized pain.  We did officially rule out endometriosis with a surgical procedure, but adenomyosis can only be officially diagnosed after the uterus is removed and the organ tissue tested.

Treatment was started by using a Mirena IUD to secrete a hormone into my body that has proven helpful to many women.  In my case, however, I was in constant pain, with a chronic spot localized in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen that sometimes expanded to my lower belly and up toward my right ovary.  Other days, I had horrible cramping pain, which required prescription medication to control.  Other side effects I experienced over this two week period:  increase in hair loss, facial flushing (I'm usually paler than a ghost and my face was sunburn-red), rapid heartbeat, mood changes (anxious, impatient, agitated, depressed), pain, excessive bleeding, and throbbing, pressurized/crushing headaches.  In addition, a few side effects affected my preexisting conditions.  The chronic pain was near a nerve that runs down my right leg, which aggravated my MS in that leg and made it feel like I was going to "lose" it (one of my MS afflictions is that I'll lose partial feeling in my leg(s) or they will feel weak - I refer to this as "losing my legs").  And, mostly with the flushing events, I would feel very warm/hot (no fever), but I have an atypical form of Raynaud's Syndrome and my feet would still be ice cold.  In those situations, I was too hot to sit under a blanket and my feet would be sweating, but freezing.  It was rather odd to experience and frustrating. 

Probably needless to say at this point:  I told my doctor about my symptoms and we decided to remove the IUD.  The next day, I felt immediately better.  The chronic pain was gone, as were the flushing, headaches, etc.  My mood even felt better.  She suspected that my body was rejecting it and attacking it as a foreign body, so I'm on a short course of antibiotics to calm things down.  But to back up just a moment, after removing the IUD, which, in my case, was the best (and pretty much only) form of treatment, my doctor and I discussed the next step.  There are other courses of action, such as trying other hormone/birth control-related treatments, cauterizing the uterine lining, etc, but, in my case, the only next step was a hysterectomy.  The reason why I say "in my case," is because I am very sensitive to medications and my medical history, along with my symptoms, left us with only that option.  Cauterizing the uterine lining helps women where heavy bleeding is the main issue, but it does nothing for pain.  We decided to remove only the uterus so that I wouldn't be forced into early menopause (I'm not even 40 yet!), with yearly checkups to make sure my ovaries are still healthy.

Honestly, after being diagnosed with more incurable syndromes than I can count on one hand, I welcome this hysterectomy.  Finally, I can take control my body and permanently get rid of one element of my pain, which my neurologist believes will also help with my MS symptoms (the constant pain has just been aggravating everything).  (We did mris of my brain and cervical spine, and things are looking good - still have the spots, but the biggest spot is looking even better than it did last year.)  So...yes I'm nervous about major surgery, but I'm more happy that I have an answer and a solution.  I meet with the surgeon next week, and am on the wait list for an opening this month, otherwise I have two tentative dates set for December.  I'll be looking at an overnight hospital stay followed with 2-3 weeks off work, but my position allows me to work from home, so I can cut down my actual off time when I feel up to working (as long as I take care of myself first).

In other health news, another doctor took me off Topamax, which I had been taking to suppress dreams and aid with sleep.  Since then, I've noticed a drastic reduction in many of the symptoms I've been experiencing in addition to what was going on in the paragraphs above.  I had chronic and horrible joint paint, mostly in my elbows, hips, lower back, and occasionally in other joints like my wrists, knees or knuckles.  I was also cognitively disoriented, sometimes to the point that I could barely function at work and was worthless at home - I couldn't think of words, form cohesive thoughts, and was a growing danger because of short-term memory loss.  There was a time in my MS history where that had gotten so bad that I needed to leave post-it notes all over the house to remind me to do things, and I literally was a danger to myself - I almost burned our house down after starting something on the stove and wandering off due to getting sidetracked.  My doctor had told me upfront that Topamax in MS patients either helps or exacerbates their symptoms.  It did exacerbate my symptoms in that I had more numbness/tingling in my legs, full body weakness, and daily headaches, but until we hit 100mg, I was willing to deal with the side effects because the medication worked.  Now that I'm off of it, however, I wish I had done so sooner.  Within the first few days, the mental fog lifted and I was able think more clearly than I had in months.  I could watch movies and tv and put plots together, whereas before, I was a vegetable letting the story stream into my eyes where it dispersed into my brain like a mist never to be formed into a drop of water.  After a week, I noticed the joint pain diminishing.  Eventually, the numbness/weakness got better, and all but pain in my right hip remained - and it was pain from stiffness, not from the joint.  I finally knew what was MS and what was Topamax.  And the best part is that around the time he took me off the Topamax, I had discovered the dual layered Melatonin tablet and obtained his approval to begin using it at bedtime.  It did take some adjusting to dreaming again, but the melatonin has been an excellent replacement as far as sleep therapy goes.  I am sleeping much better now.  I think I mentioned this melatonin in a previous post, along with a supplement beverage called Neuro Sleep (the bottle says to drink the whole thing, but since I take the tablet, I only drink a little over an 1/8 of the bottle every night - one bottle usually lasts about a week).  What a great combination.

So there's the good news I've been waiting to hear all summer, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  I have something to take my mind off losing Neko and I'm in a better place mood-wise to deal with her loss (between the Mirena and Topamax).  I wrote a thank you letter to her doctors and staff at the hospital, which included tidbits about her life and some pictures.  I delivered it when I picked up her ashes.  It was devastating to see that little box.  My sweet Neko-chan has been reduced to a black bag of ash in a small wooden box.  :'(  But at least she's home.

When my husband called to tell me that David wasn't going to make it, I was sitting in a Wal-Mart parking lot with a box of tissues.  "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park came on the radio after we hung up and I cried alone in my car.  Given the song's lyrics, the timing was impeccable and made me cry harder.  It became David's song, and for a long time, I cried when I heard it, but now I can listen to it and just think of David.

On the drive home the afternoon we had to euthanize Neko, I knew that listening to music would have a similar affect.  I don't listen to the radio anymore, so for a while, I drove in silence, not wanting any song to have that influence.  But I knew that in time, during my grief, it was inevitable, so I picked the song(s).  I didn't have "Shadow of the Day" on my flash drive, but I did have Dead to Sunrise's "Too Late" and Linkin Park's "Waiting for the End."  I played both.  Both made me cry harder.  Both are now Neko's songs.  But that's okay with me.  I think it's fitting.  All three songs fit well together, and since they are all sung by the same person (Chester Bennington, the lead vocalist for Linkin Park, started Dead to Sunrise), the somewhat soothing effect of  "Shadow of the Day" adds a calming element to the other two songs.  I can listen to them and remember fond memories instead of feeling an urgent need to cry.  I have had to find new ways to cope with this loss, and mixing these songs into my playlist has actually been helpful.

Speaking of playlists, I'm always behind the trends and don't discover "new" music until long after it's out in the mainstream.  My latest discovery is Lady Gaga.  Yes, I am that far behind, and yes, I like Lady Gaga.  Until recently, I had only heard "Poker Face" a few times, but I have seen her make appearances on shows and so forth, and I liked her every time I saw her.  She has the aura of a strong woman with hidden vulnerabilities, and she seems honest and genuine, as well as approachable, like a normal person even though she's this huge sensation.  I realize that makes me sound like I idolize her, but these are merely statements of observation and the only reason I mention them now is because I've been enjoying her album "Born this Way" - particularly "Government Hooker," "Bloody Mary," and "Heavy Metal Lover."  Finding "new" music is also nice during a mourning period, since it can draw one out of the past (where one tends to dwell on nostalgia).  Next on my buy list is Foster the People (again, I know I am SO behind).  I can't remember how I came to find them, but I love "Pumped Up Kicks" and "Houdini."  I have to laugh at myself.  For loving music as much as I do, I should go back to listening to the radio...but no.  I won't.  After all, the radio wouldn't have helped me find Gus Gus.  ^_^

In writing news, I'm still working on my one page synopsis and I'm still not sure what to cut.  I've also written a few pages of ideas to move the plot forward in the third manuscript and have been thinking a lot about the scenes in the second manuscript.  This is all basically me revving up to get back into writing mode.  I am going to write today, but then I have to go into agent hunting mode again (unless I can get my synopsis done, because I have an agent to query with that).  I had two queries out and received a rejection yesterday, so it's time to keep moving forward.  After experiencing the hurt of the first few rejections, I've gotten into the mindset that I should expect rejections and it's worked.  I get one and just move on.  It only takes one yes and it's that one yes that I'm searching for.  Writing and reading are so subjective and so competitive that expecting a yes every time just isn't realistic or logical. 

You know - I think, just maybe, one of these days I'll write something short and to the point.  Um...-_-'  Then again, anyone who's read my manuscripts or this blog knows how fond I am of words...so maybe not.    The blog has seen a large upswing in traffic, so I'd like to thank everyone for reading and putting up with my eccentricities.  I hope you're enjoying it or finding the information you're looking for.  The "Writing as Catharsis" post made me realize that my posts are so scattered because I just enjoy writing, but I do need to work on my rambling.  ^_^

Catharsis: the purge of emotion; emotional relief

Nathan Bransford recently wrote a post on Writing as Catharsis and from the moment I read it, with everything that's been happening, I can't stop thinking about it.  I am an author who pulls a lot for my stories from my life.  I don't use my writing to cope, necessarily, but in times of crisis, I do pour my emotions into my stories.  Some people are talented enough to write about difficult, strong emotions without having experienced them.  I can't judge my ability to do that, but I believe I possess a good enough range to pass.  That said, I have traveled a difficult road in life and I have much to draw on.  Now, I'm not saying that I've had the worst life in the history of life - each person's experience is different and we all face and cope with difficulties as they are presented to us.  My honest assessment is that the road I'm on makes me stronger.  I am a fighter.  I am a survivor.  And I take everything as a life lesson, which makes everything open to reinterpretation in my writing.

Readers of my blog are aware of my health issues and my feelings about my cats, but I've kept the rest of my life private.  Those who know me personally know what I've gone through, but only those closest to me know everything.  And while I'm not a particularly private person, I don't see the need to expose my life for all to see, which would not only put me on display, but also affect other people involved - whether directly or indirectly.  It should suffice to know that like many people, I've been hurt and I've recovered to be a better person.  I further believe that the hurt makes me a better writer.  Not a writer better than someone else, just stronger in my own right.  There are no comparisons here.

Backing up to "Writing as Catharsis" for a moment, I did find it helpful to turn my grief into something tangible when David died.  Again, there are people out there who will say, "He was just a cat," but he wasn't.  He was my best friend.  He was always with me.  When I left for work, he walked me to the door and when I came home, he was there to greet me.  He was my constant companion.  If he didn't have my attention, he would throw temper tantrums or glare at the person who had my attention.  His passing left a huge void in my life and I took it very, very hard.  When I lost him, I lost my best friend - not my cat and not just a member of my family.  He could have been human.  That is how much it affected me.

The left side of this blog's main page contains pictures, starting with memorial photos (there is a bigger mosaic picture of my cats at the bottom of the blog).  The first photo is of David and you can easily note that he died around Christmas.  The sudden and rough loss, combined with the most joyous season created a sense of utter devastation.  I cried and cried, and cried even more.  It's amazing how even when I felt cried out, the tears kept coming in endless supply.  The reason I'm focusing on this?  Well, first, Neko's recent passing has opened old wounds.  As I said in her memorial post, she was my last link to David.  But mostly, it's because I did use my writing to cope with David's passing.  I turned my tears into words and spent nearly every moment of grief writing scenes in my head, on toilet paper, on napkins, on scratch paper - on anything at all that could hold my thoughts.  The result was a scene with powerful emotion, a scene that would have felt flat or empty had I not experienced such pain first hand.  The coincidence that I was writing a scene of devastating loss became a horrible situation's silver lining, and now, every time I read that scene, I don't remember my grief - I remember David and give him the credit for the words I see on the page.

Now, unfortunately, I find myself in a writing lull.  My focus is on the first manuscript and prepping individualized query letters.  I am researching agents and working on my one page synopsis while awaiting a response from the few queries I have out (I'm old fashioned and only do a few at a time).  MS #2 is written and ready for the edit and rewrite portion.  It contains "David's scene."  MS #3 is still in progress, but no scenes yet exist where I can turn my present grief into words.  There will be one in later chapters, so maybe I will look ahead and jot down notes, as I did before.  But, overall, I don't have the same outlet for Neko as I did with David.

So, as for "Writing as Catharsis," I don't find comfort in my writing.  But, I do find comfort in just writing.  After all, I've written a memorial post for Neko.  Sure I cried while I wrote it, but I also enjoyed replaying her quirks and her personality in my mind, and I loved posting pictures that showed her fun side.  I've written a post about my prologue and uncertainties in some of my decisions.  And I chose to write this post, furthering a discussion started by Nathan Bransford while also displaying my own vulnerabilities.

I do find writing to be cathartic.  For me, writing is a way of sharing my emotions - sharing my life in a subtle way - with people I know and people I don't know.  It's a way to release the energy that builds with grief or pain.  It is a way to remember the pain and still move forward, and what is more cathartic than moving forward?  Standing still to wallow and allowing the pain to consume me isn't healthy or productive, even though it may be the easy way.  Life isn't easy.  If it was, we would never move.  We would never grow.  We would never develop.  If life was easy, it wouldn't be life and a word like "catharsis" wouldn't exist.

To Prologue or Not To...

A while back, I made the decision to flesh out my prologue and make it a short chapter one.  Expanding the scene worked well, but the extension caused one major issue:  chapter seven would now become chapter eight.  Chapter seven is named "Communion," containing a twist on the usual religious connotations held within that word.  The very meaning and context behind the chapter's title and pivotal scene made it rather important to me to keep the chapter number "seven."  Perhaps it was a nit-picky detail, but I call author's prerogative.  Seven is an important number in the Christian religion and the Christian religion (as I've tweaked it) plays a rather large role in the story.  So...I looked at the previous chapter and decided it was a good candidate for consolidation.  Hence, chapter six went away and became the lead into chapter seven.  It actually made chapter seven stronger, in my opinion.

I had been conflicted about making this change (prologue vs. first chapter) for some time.  I may have mentioned it in previous blogs.  Overall, I think I am happier with the scene as a chapter, but the first chapter is really nothing like the rest of the book until the later chapters come along, when the plot opens up and vampiric involvement becomes more evident.  The beginning opens on a scene taking place thirteen years prior to the main story, which opens in what is now chapter two.  I worry about first impressions based on the new chapter one, when the story deserves to be judged on its main base.  I realize that my writing should stand on its own regardless of having a prologue or a first chapter, and the writing does do that; however, writing aside, when it comes to this genre and vampire stories, so much has already been done that innovation is hard to show.  Upon first glance, the new first chapter may seem like an average tale, with not much to make it stand apart.  However, the story that begins thirteen years later, as told from two perspectives in chapter two proves that this is beyond ordinary or what's been done before.

The true issue then, rests in what agents see when I submit queries, and that has made me want to rethink the prologue vs. first chapter decision.  Some only ask for the first five pages.  In that case, it doesn't matter what the first section is called.  If they ask for the first "x" pages of chapter one, however, it does make a difference.  People skip reading prologues all the time, especially when they are misused by the author for the author to just...talk.  Even I skip those.  I only read prologues that are pertinent to the story and I initially started with a prologue because, while the section is pertinent to the story, it would allow the reader to choose whether or not to read it.  Those who chose to read would gain more knowledge of the story and the motivation happening in the background.  Those who chose to skip would enter the story without that knowledge, but would eventually gain it throughout their journey through the story.  The prologue, as it first existed, merely illustrated a scene that is referenced in a later chapter.  It still accomplishes that feat, but in a newly, better formed manner.

Since the scene references something in the mid-to-late chapters, it's a little like peeking ahead without any context about the people, actions, or environment.  And I created it that way on purpose, not necessarily to build a sense of intrigue or mystery, but rather to accomplish exactly what I just said.  I wanted to give the reader the opportunity to choose their reading experience by how they treated the prologue.  The freedom to choose paths against destiny is a theme that arcs throughout my manuscripts, so this was a way for me to bring that element to life for the reader.

Of course, now I've removed that element.  By making it the first chapter, I've removed the reader's choice.  Who skips the first chapter?  And why did I make this decision in the first place?  Why am I asking questions??     I chose to make it the first chapter because of the knowledge that prologues are met with mixed feelings from person to person and I wanted to present a solid piece of work without that element muddying a prospective agent's thoughts on the matter.

If I decided to go back to a prologue, I'd have to break up chapter seven again to make the original chapter six stand on its own, and I truly believe that a side effect of the initial decision made a stronger chapter seven.  However, the reader has to get that far to enjoy it.

This is just me showing a bit of doubt in my decisions, which I thought was important since so many authors out there may feel the same way and not realize that it happens to others.  I question my decision to open the story this way and to change it from a prologue to first chapter.  However, I am confident in my story and my ability as a writer, and I try to focus on my readers' feedback.  The most recent read through was from someone who had the story years ago, before the prologue even existed.  She initially missed the original opening, but then said that as she read on, it made parts of the story more cohesive, and by the end, made the plot and story-telling stronger.  The end opinion: she liked the new opening better.

I take from that mixed feelings.  I see that the original opening made a better first impression, but the new opening makes for an overall better story.  So I guess my indecision will always be there, but I'm happy with the story.  I agree that the new opening makes for a better reading experience.  I can only hope that an agent sees it that way, too.

Sweet Neko-Chan. Damn FIP.

Neko 7/09/03-10/16/12

Toward the end of September, Neko displayed symptoms of a painful infection that we (my husband and I) hoped she would fight off and go back to being her spunky self.  We whisked her off to the animal ER and came home with a simple diagnosis and antibiotics only to take her to our local animal hospital a day later for worsening symptoms.  After a two week stay in the hospital, on steroids, three antibiotics, and receiving subcu-iv fluids, she was stable enough to come home and the outlook was good.  We missed her the entire time she was gone...there was no one to keep my pajamas warm on the floor and no one to "rally the troops" at dinner time.  So, to say we were happy to have her home is a vast understatement.

Four or five days later, we drove off for vacation leaving Neko in my father-in-law's capable hands.  She was his little buddy, so instead of boarding her as planned, we worked it out so she could stay home and visit with him.  We felt guilty for continuing on with our vacation, but she truly seemed to be doing well.  She even joined Lucien's passive protest at our departure.  She said goodbye to us at the door and off we went.  It was a trip of relaxation, something "prescribed" by my doctor to help me unwind with my MS, and also a good-bye trip of its own since our favorite B&B is closing in December - it was our last chance to go.  Mid-way through, we received notice that Neko had stopped eating and had been taken back to the hospital.

I am thoroughly grateful for my father-in-law's diligence and care.  Without such loving attention, Neko may have endured more suffering.  (I'm not saying we would have missed it; just that had we not had someone staying in our home during our absence, it might have gone unnoticed.)  She stayed at the hospital until October 16.

Throughout her stays at the hospital, I called once or twice daily to check in on her and we visited with her regularly.  On our October 15th visit, we both realized all hope for her recovery was quickly slipping from our sight, but we still hoped.  She was happy to see us, but lethargic and uncomfortable.

On October 16th, my fears were confirmed.  Her slow downward spiral had sped up.  All of her vets and techs were absolutely wonderful and caring, and in the conversation when her main doctor said I should prepare myself to euthanize Neko, she also stated that Neko had looked like she needed to snuggle, so she had tried to cuddle with her but Neko was in too much pain and cried.  The sentiment in the action and the doctor's voice really warmed my heart.  She cared that much, and that's the kind of care and empathy we received from everyone.  We planned to euthanize Neko during our visit that evening.  Unfortunately, Neko's pain grew worse during the day and I received a call at 2:45pm that I needed to get there as soon as possible.  My husband and I got there shortly after 3 and spent about twenty minutes visiting with her while the initial sedation kicked in.  Even in her pain, Neko was glad to see us.  She grasped the end of the table and pulled herself closer to us, even placing her paw on my hand - a moving gesture that was very much Neko.  She loved to touch us and would frequently set one paw on our shoulders when she slept behind us on the recliner or sofa.  We moved forward with euthanizing her as swiftly as we could despite our desire to put off our pain - her comfort and well-being came first.

Her heart stopped around 3:30pm.  We spent more time with her afterward than we got to spend with her beforehand.  I couldn't believe it was happening - that it had happened.  My sweet little girl, my baby Neko was gone.  I cradled her head and body to my chest and buried my face in her fur, sobbing and crying her name.  She was more than a cat - more than a pet.  We met her before her eyes were even open.  We visited her weekly as a baby before we ever brought her home.  And when she came home, she became David's surrogate daughter, which made her our last link to him.  Neko was a special girl.

She was smart, quirky, and loving.  Her first Christmas forced us to rethink the positioning of the cats' stocking because she kept thinking of and finding ways to get into the stocking to get the feather teaser we had purchased.  If life had been a cartoon, the artist would have drawn the gears turning in her head, and we could practically see those thoughts and plans churning away...'if I jump there...and then jump there......I think I can reach it.'  Those gears kept turning for the rest of her life.  She was a thinker and she was chatty.  If she got an idea, she was sure to tell you about it (or you could see her thoughts just waiting to play out).  And as talkative as she was, she was just as good a listener.  She loved to think, loved to talk, and loved to listen.

She loved Davey Pu as much as we did and mourned his loss.  For a long time after his death, she was lost and lonely, left on her own to find her new path.  She took to Lucien, but not like she did with David.  She was forever changed.  Then came Jonny.  She may have hated him at first, but they grew close and now Jonny is the lost one, lonely and missing his cuddle friend.  And then we got Groucho and she took to him, as well.  We have so many pictures of these piles of cats, just sleeping on top of each other, because Neko finally had more good friends.  Those four were so close, even Sake became more sociable and appeared in many of those pictures (not in the pile, of course - she's far too refined for such a thing).

But now, once again, we have lost a special member of our family, and instead of a pile of cats, sleeping happily together, we have four cats scattered around the house in search of their friend.  While she may have missed David, the glue of our original five, she also stepped up and took his place, becoming the tie that would bind a new group.

We had Neko for all but a few weeks of her nine-year life.  As I said, she was always there - always sleeping on or near us, and if she was close to us, she had to touch us.  She liked to yank out my hair and bite Tim's chin.  When she felt like no one was paying attention to her, she would pick up a toy mouse in the opposite end of the house and muffle a cry out loud until someone came to play with her.  She would play fetch with her mice, actually chasing them down and bringing them back.  She loved to go outside, to the point that she knew what the word "outside" meant.

"Does Neko want to go outside?" would bring her running to the door, where she would wait to be picked up and taken to her favorite place because when she was a baby, I started this "tradition" of putting her up on my shoulder so we could go outside and feed the birds and squirrels.  She'd get comfortable on my shoulder and hang on while I poured bags of seed, and this tradition continued even as she grew bigger - too big to sit on my shoulder.  She would crawl her way up and wrap herself around my neck like a fur stole, and out we'd go.  Then she got even bigger, weighing at her heaviest probably 19 pounds (thanks to her diet, she got down to a little over 16 pounds - we were worried she'd get diabetes :-/).  Yet even then, we'd continue our ventures.  She'd try to get up on my shoulder, but had to settle for being held.  Sometimes she would get to go down - onto an outside table or bench or swing, where she would stay and wait for me - and I'd pick long blades of grass for her to chew.  She loved grass so much that I learned the hard way to keep my fingers out of the way when she was going after grass!

Neko loved many things, especially Christmas, probably stemming back to her first Christmas.  She knew she was going to get toys and we have many a picture of her (and other cats) passed out on Christmas morning after playing with their catnip and all their toys.  Yes.  Neko was filled with love for all things...even Jonny-fang face (and blogging...she was known to "kick" me off the keyboard to make her word known).

She was love epitomized, unconditional and unequivocal, and she was loved unconditionally and unequivocally.  I miss my sweet little girl.  I miss her dearly.  Tim has found some comfort that she is no longer suffering, and while I, too, am glad she is no longer in pain, I cannot find such comfort.  My pain is more selfish.  My little girl is never coming home and that crushes my soul.  I never thought I'd feel the pain I felt after David died, but I was wrong.  It's too easy for my mind to trick me into thinking she's still at the hospital, but I have to face the truth.  Neko had FIP (feline infectious peritonitis), a lethal infection born from a dormant virus residing in most cats that "mutates into something ugly," as my vet said, and something that is incredibly difficult to test for.  Even facing death and with undeniable symptoms, the tests came back negative.  "Ugly" does not begin to define the disease. 

According to the ASPCA website, it is fatal in 95% of cases and cats who contract it generally die within 2 months of symptom onset.  My Neko fought for nearly four weeks.  My Neko received the best care she could get and had loving doctors and techs.  My Neko was a brave little girl who faced everything thrown her way with a curious eye no matter what and was loved by everyone who met her.  Even in pain, she was in everybody's business, demanding her share of their attention in her sweet, yet assertive way.  Even if she was tired or weak, she pulled herself closer to the people she loved and reached out to touch them.  That is one of the fondest and saddest memories I'll have of her.

She comforted me in many times of need, climbing into my lap and purring while my tears dripped onto her body.  I hope I was able to comfort her in her time of need, but that little gesture, her little paw reaching out and gripping my thumb, was like her way of telling me it was okay.  Letting us know that she was going to be okay.  I know she is okay.  She is with David, again, after all.

People exist in this world who won't understand this post, but people also exist who will empathize because they grieve the loss of their own furry family members.  Our cats are our family.  They are our friends.  They are the beings in little fur coats who hear about our days and spend their time with us because we love them as family.  But every once in a while, one of those little beings is extra special and touches us in ways we could never imagine.  David was the first.  Neko unexpectedly followed in his place.  I still mourn for David.  I know I will still grieve for Neko years from now.  My sweet koneko-chan is no longer with us in body, but she will always live on my heart and my memories.  And it's those memories that will make me laugh and cry as the years without her pass.

Neko pretending to be Kuro Neko (the "black cat" in Trigun) while sitting on my MS

Neko, the witch, her first Halloween

Neko and Groucho passed out Christmas morning 2010

Neko discovering the joys of Pocky

Baby Neko and Father Davey Pu

HP Pavilion M6 Review....Long Review...With Links!

I'm an I.T. tech, so it's probably expected that this review will be all techy-geeky and talking about overclock speeds, but at home, I'm just me, so it won't be.  I was going to say that I'm just a normal person, but, well, that'd be a lie.  ^_-  So let's jump into my only major gripe and then get to the nitty gritty.

I use my laptop mostly for two things:  music and writing.  Well, HP's latest hook is Beats Audio.  If they paid money or entered into a contract with Beats, that a stupid move on HP's part.  It always takes me awhile to get the equalizer just perfect for Windows Media Player due to the range of genres I like.  (Equalizer frequencies:  bass = 20-140hz, mid bass = 140-400 hz, mid range = 400 hz-2.66khz, upper mid = 2.6-5.2 khz, high range = 5.2-20khz - an excellent link.)  I once wrote my perfect settings in a text file...well, said text file has been lost to the ages.  You'd think I'd write them down again.  Anyway, the addition of Beats Audio complicates the matter with its ability to take over the sound options in the control panel, its own bass/treble/etc settings, and its own equalizer.  So, first, I have to say that before I got too into messing with the sound on a previously purchased HP Pavilion DV7, which was returned for being a lemon, I was not impressed with the (DV7) laptop's speakers, but I did find a decent experience by using the Beats in-ear preset with headphones.  HOWEVER, while the M6 is not the DV7, it still suffers from tinny sounding speakers, and Beats Audio muddied everything.  After some research (no links, sorry, Google it), I've learned that disabling Beats and using the player's default equalizer is the way to go (and I agree).  The thing about Beats is that it inherently turns the sound panel's bass all the way down and the treble all the way up, so when you disable it, you have to go into the Sound Panel and change this.  I also read that Beats has a way of re-enabling itself, so I disallowed applications from taking control over the device (it's a check box on the advanced tab).  I don't know if this will prevent Beats from resetting my bass and treble settings, should it re-enable itself, but it seems like it should.  Since I primarily listen through the speakers, I have not tried it with earphones.  Windows Media Player's equalizer has helped with the tinniness, but I still prefer the speakers and sound on my old HP Pavilion DV6.  My test list of mp3s included (among many others): Sail by Awolnation, Resolve by Nathan Lanier, Where the Light Gets In by Sennen, On the Nature of Daylight by Max Richter, Drive It Like You Stole & Between Two Points (Feat. Swan) by The Glitch Mob, Cryosleep by Cyberoptics, several District 78 remixes, several songs by Olafur Arnalds, Over & Believe & Add This Song by Gus Gus, and songs that I ripped off of Youtube from LowB - Compassion, Inward Outburst, Consecration, and Digital Stonehenge.

Regarding the Youtube rips - the LowB cd isn't available domestically and after an email to Andy Barlow (LowB) , I learned it is set for release in January.  I will buy it then, because it is awesome (it's available through New Zealand iTunes...but you have to live in New Zealand to download it...>_<).    Google it or check out this link - he has samples of and recording notes about the album's songs.  Also regarding the Youtube rips, the sound quality just sucks.  There's always a hollowness to them that is more or less prevalent depending on the device with which you are listening.  On the M6, with the settings I chose, it's there, but the songs do blend into the playlist better than they do in my car, where the quality difference is very noticeable.

SO - the sound is ok.  It doesn't get very loud through Windows Media Player, but Youtube videos play much louder, and songs played in Audacity are louder. There are bound to be differences in software and this is still a laptop.  I'm just contented enough with WMP to put off dabbling with other players like WinAmp.  It meets my needs (background music for my writing).

On to the M6 itself then.  This is by no means an endorsement for Best Buy, but they have a decent listing for the specs.  As I said in a previous post, the M6 is replacing the DV6 - with the next generation of Intel Processors comes the next generation of HP Pavilion laptops.  Similarly, the M7 is replacing the DV7.  The biggest draw for the M6 is the 3rd Gen Intel i5 quad core processor (Ivy Bridge).  PC World reviewed the 3rd gen processors in several articles:  preview (US) & reviewed (AU).  The first preview I read (not linked) discussed the physical architecture of the processors - the transistors and number of nanometers, for instance - and the changes that make these little chips swing such a big punch had me anxious to get my hands on one.  I pushed the i5 hard last night, transferring files from my old computer over than LAN and Wireless connections, installing software, moving local files around, changing preferences, going online, etc all at once.  While I watched the CPU usage in the Task Manager and saw all four windows squiggly away, showing the quad core hard at work, I expected the system to slow down.  There was no lag whatsoever.  Granted, my DV6 is at 4 or 5 years old, but it would have been protesting.  The i5 knocked the tasks out like they were nothing.  I'm in love.

I hit a moment of disappoint when a low memory warning popped up.  Now - I don't even get those on my DV6, so I was really surprised to see it on the M6, which comes with 8gb DDR3 (you can expand it to 16gb).  At the time, I was only transferring files, so I opened the task manager and saw two HP Assistants running in the background - they had my memory usage up in the 7-8 gb range!  Needless to say, I ended the HP processes and my memory usage dropped down to around 2.6 gb range.  I have yet to decide what HP features I'm going to keep, but that was a strong motivation to start uninstalling or disabling a few more things.  On a new computer, with feature like this, it was highly disappointing to see HP's own software hogging all the resources and to that extent.

The hard drive is a regular 750 gb (this one does not come with a solid state drive or partition to aid in a faster boot) and runs at 5400rpm (I'm fine with that - 7200rpm generates more heat, even if it is faster).  Between my files and the software I've installed, I've used 152gb of the available 677 gb of allotted disk space.  20.9 gb is set aside for the recovery partition.  The boot itself takes less than 30 seconds and is actually faster straight from the box.  I've modified the BIOS to allow for extra time to hit hotkeys, should I need to.  The BIOS is very simplistic and doesn't offer many choices, unlike other laptops I've seen (such as Samsung's new ultrabook - that thing has a bevy of options in its BIOS).

It has four USB ports, three of which are USB 3.0, and two of which are charging USB ports (both on the right side).  In the aforementioned Samsung, the charging status can be disabled in the BIOS, but on the M6, I have yet to determine if this can be disabled.  If you are unfamiliar with charging USB ports, they remain power-enabled so that devices, such as a phones or MP3 players, can be charged via the USB Ports even when the laptop is turned off.  I see where this could be very useful, but I'd like a way to turn it off because anything that is plugged into those two ports will remain powered on.  For instance, I plug a chill pad into one of the right-side ports.  The chill pad stays on after the laptop is shut off.  Luckily for me, my chill pad has an on/off switch, so I'm not constantly plugging and unplugging the thing, which risks damage to the port.  Both ports on the left side are 3.0 and are non-charging ports.  Other manufacturers (such as Samsung) use blue plastic in the 3.0 ports to differentiate them from 2.0 ports.  HP does not.  The 3.0's are marked by "ss" next to the USB symbol.  The media card reader is located on the front, to the left.  There is also an HDMI port on the left side.

HP provides manuals on their website for the M6.  The User Guide is just what it is says and provides a detailed diagram of the M6's external specs.  In the event that you need or want more in-depth coverage, a Maintenance and Service Guide is also available.

The M6 comes with Bluetooth and connects easily with Bluetooth-enabled devices.  I've worked with laptops enabled with Bluetooth at work, but it's a feature that is always disabled for security reasons, so this is the first time I've gotten to play with it.  It's pretty cool - my husband and I played around with connecting his phone (we both have the Droid Razr) because he downloaded a tethering app and wanted to see how it worked.  By using Bluetooth to connect to his phone and then using the tethering app, we could be in the middle of nowhere and still access the Internet (provided we had cell service, of course).  It's nifty.  I should note that there is a spot in the myriad of the OS's preferences where you need to enable other Bluetooth devices to see the M6.  I ran into some trouble getting my PS3 to see it as a media center and I don't know if that caused interference or not (the biggest culprit was Kaspersky 2013, which comes with a built-in firewall - for any PS3 users out there who get the M6 and Kaspersky 2013, this firewall must be turned off while trying to connect to the PS3).

Every step forward in technology presents us with more OPTIONS.  The Synaptics Touchpad, once a difficult feature to find to change any settings at all (I'm not speaking ill of my current DV6, but my previous DV6), now has plenty of options for users to configure.  You can pinch zoom or rotate photos, set multi-finger gestures, choose the type of scrolling you want to use, set options for pointing, tapping, the buttons, etc.  It also comes with more power options than I had with my DV6.  Before I focused mainly on changing what happens when I close the lid and adjusting the low and critical battery levels.  The options go far beyond that and one thing I discovered is the wireless adapter power settings.  I had read reviews for other pcs where reviewers wrote about losing or having limited wireless connectivity once they pulled the plug and went on battery power.  Well - there is a setting for that and the default (on the M6 anyway) for the battery is to preserve power, not to maximize performance.  So that's something to tinker with if you find that to be a problem.  All of the battery settings are defaulted to conserve power for battery life and can be modified based on your preferences (as can the settings for when the laptop is plugged in).

Even though the M6 is only about an inch thick, it does come with an optical drive.  I would have liked a Blu-ray drive, but that wasn't an option, and neither was Light Scribe.  I use Light Scribe rarely on my DV6, so it's not a big deal to me, but it also would have been nice to have.  The M6 is lighter than my DV6 and easy to carry around. HP added a textured strip near the hinge on the lid - a nice touch aimed at preventing the laptop from slipping through your hand.  There is no lighted HP logo on the lid.

A feature growing in popularity - the backlit keyboard - is a feature of the M6, and one that can thankfully be turned off (toggle F5 or FN + F5 depending on how you have the keyboard configured).  My husband prefers backlit keys; I find them distracting when I'm trying to write in the dark or by candlelight.  The Wireless is toggled by pressing F12 or FN+ F12.  A small white light on the key indicates when it is on.  Similarly, a small white light indicates when the Caps Lock key is turned on.  The DV7 that I returned had a similar display and I noted that the lights were too bright and distracting.  I used dots of electrical tape to cover them.  On the M6, however, they are softly lit and, for the most part, unnoticeable.

I haven't played with the webcam, so I can't say anything about that.  The display is fine, if not a bit angle-sensitive on the vertical.  There is some obvious dimming when looking from a right or left angle, but when viewing too steep up or down, the screen is dim and/or faint, and what I notice most is black text against a white background appearing grey and hard to read.  So having a perfect line-of-sight viewing angle is crucial for your eyesight.  I have the M6 set up with an extended dual monitor display via VGA, with my secondary monitor being an old portrait style Samsung.  Given that my primary task is writing, I tend to use my secondary display more than the laptop display.  It may just be me, but it appears that the M6's glossy screen is less reflective than my previous DV6s.  Maybe I just haven't used it in a very reflective environment yet - but the glossy screen on my DV6 seemed to reflect everything and I have yet to notice it on the M6 (I could be used to it by now, too - who knows?).  At times I've noticed that the laptop display seems a bit washed out by comparison to my secondary display, but that's not a fair comparison (the Samsung has a matte screen and has to be nearly 10-years old, but it has a crisp display, which, again, makes it perfect for writing).  The viewing angle could have a lot do with that, as well - I can't tilt the Samsung, but I close my laptop every night, so the viewing angle is always changing from one use to another.

The M6 comes with Windows 7 Home Premium, 64-bit, which I upgraded to Professional for the additional computer management options and the ability to run a virtual pc, if I choose to down the road.  It comes with little actual software, other than Norton, Adobe Reader X, a ton of HP-related programs, and some bloatware.  Norton is no longer the beast it used to be to uninstall and the rest of the bloatware is easy to uninstall or delete (web-links).  The hardest part is to decide which, if any, of HP's programs you want to keep.  As I've found already, they can be quite resource intensive and I have yet to see what the pay off is in keeping them.  I did keep the HP Tune Up on my DV6, which froze my computer for a second or two every time it opened, and I rarely used it.  Many people in my shoes would most likely wipe the hdd with a fresh install of Windows 7, which was my initial intention until I saw how little there was to uninstall (HP products withstanding).  So, for now, I'm moving forward with the system as it came to me instead of a clean install.

I've been running the M6 all day now, with a chill pad, but there's only one warm spot (slightly warm) - to the left of the touchpad.  The internal fans have not kicked into high gear once during this use.  They did kick up one time when I was using the laptop in bed without adequate ventilation for the vents and fans on the underside.  Once I made an adjustment, the fan went back into normal mode and I haven't had any issues since then.  My DV6's fans come on the second Kaspersky starts a scan (it needs a RAM upgrade so badly).  But that, too, is an unfair comparison.  The 3rd gen processors are designed to run cooler, so I'm really not surprised.

I don't have many gripes, other than the sound and Beats Audio, but I don't like the keyboard.  It still has the number pad, which is awesome, but HP squished the arrow keys together.  I'm a shortcut key fanatic, so hitting ctrl+arrow over or up/down is annoying now because I'm always hitting the wrong key.  In my home office set up, I use a USB keyboard and mouse, so it's really not that big of any issue, but when I'm traveling or outside, it's annoying.  Overall, setting this pc up has been much simpler (even with more options) than previous endeavors and the file transfer went smoothly (as noted earlier, I used a cross over cat 5 cable to connect the two via the LAN port - which needs to be configured if used - and the wireless adapter via our Homegroup sharing setup).  I created a cab file for my custom theme so I could easily transfer it from the Dv6 to the M6 and copied over my roaming and local files pertinent to my installation of Microsoft office, so setting Word up was a breeze because my preferences were already mostly loaded (I had to change a few options and tweak the grammar and style checker).  The M6 comes with a trial for MS Office 2010, but you must buy the activation code separately.  I'm pretty old school when it comes to Office and am still using 2003.  It meets my needs.  I also installed a plethora of Cannon software and drivers for my Digital SLR camera, which the M6 handled with ease.  The aging DV6 didn't take these installs quite as seamlessly or as quickly.  I popped the first disc (yes, disc) in and set the install to go, and then went off to do a few things, because the installs had taken forever on the DV6.  Not so with the M6.  It took minutes to mere seconds, depending on the installation.  This thing is truly powerful.  I had all the installs off the discs and the downloaded upgrades done in less than 10-minutes.  Remarkable.

I've already used the M6 to set up a VPN connection to work, which went so much better and smoother than it does on my DV6.  I was able to backdoor my work pc with very little delay (I still have to wait on the connection and security permissions to pass) and was able to browse through my hdd files much swifter than before.  My Remote Desktop Connection also connected quicker and popped up without any lag.  I'm thrilled with this because my work pc is an HP desktop with four monitors, which can be stressful on a remote connection.  But again, the M6 handled it with ease.

I'm probably more excited about the 3rd gen i5 processor than the laptop, itself, but so far, I have no major complaints and even the miniscule ones can be swatted away as nothing once everything is worked out.  Overall, this is a solid laptop and good for the money.  It's not on the cheap end of laptops (not on the super expensive side either), and when it comes to computers, you get what you pay for.  I still believe that even though I had a negative experience with the DV7 (which had a Sandy Bridge i7 and cost a little more than what I paid for the M6).  At that time, HP Support was courteous and tried to be helpful, but since I was within the return period, I chose to return it.  I like HP computers and laptops, and have always found HP Support to a good avenue for help when needed.  For instance, my previous DV6 had a motherboard recall and was experiencing some other problems caused by a moron (not me or my husband) who tried to blow it up and blew one USB port (there were sparks and smoke), destroyed the speakers, and affected the display.  HP took really good care of me then (although I did get lucky that there was already a recall on the motherboard).

And so, now that I'm at the end of this lengthy post, I've hit a string quartet composition that sounds lovely despite my gripes about the sound.  The violins sound perfect and crisp, and I'm hearing notes to the song that I hadn't noticed before.  So maybe the speakers aren't as bad as I thought...we'll see.  Maybe my perfect equalizer settings just favor classical music.  ^_-

PS.  Please forgive any typos.  And yay!  For once I stayed on topic the whole time!  (mostly)

Follow Up Review Here

Movie Review Part Dos! (White - Korean Horror) Anime Reivew! (Kaze No Stigma) Loco Rambling!

'Twould seem a weekend in bed is driving me little a little crazier than usual.  I've gotten out of bed a handful of times and only left the room twice...today.  Yesterday...maybe I left the room four times.  Hooray for math.  I can count.

So today I streamed White, a Korean Horror flick (subtitled) and watched the entire Kaze no Stigma anime series (24 episodes).  Of course, I also talked with the vet and asked that they run a comprehensive blood panel on Neko, not only to search for a possible culprit, but also to check on her kidney and liver function since dehydration could cause issues.  And my dad called to check on me, which was sweet, but I couldn't talk long since I was waiting on the vet to call and I'm a cheapskate who won't pay for call-waiting on my home line.  I hate land lines and, since I mentioned it, I'm feeling better than I was, but still not great, still have an awful headache, and didn't need to take any of the pain meds I was given on Friday.

Okay, so the reviews!  #1 - White.  This subbed Korean horror movie is about an all girl idol group who have hit bottom and live in the shadow of a popular group.  That all changes when one member discovers a song called 'White,' complete with choreography, and the group takes it on as their own.  However, as they find more and more fame, and begin fighting with one another for the "main" spot, tragedy begins to strike and the member who found the song begins to wonder if it isn't cursed.  The plot may sound a bit hokey and anyone familiar with vengeful Japanese/Korean/Asian ghost-story horror movies may guess how it plays out with ease, but it was still an entertaining movie.  I won't say it was gripping or even scary - it isn't capable of grabbing the audience in the ways that The Grudge or The Ring could - but there was at least one moment where my jaw dropped open and I thought the constant bickering and bullying among the girls was realistic.  I'm more familiar with Japanese culture and the problems with bullying there, but given this film's deeper meaning, I found their cruel and degrading treatment toward each other and one member in particular very believable.  There were a few moments of beautiful artistry, especially near the end, when White emerges - I love her solo poster - and there are a few moments where I was confused.  I'm not certain if I missed something, if something wasn't translated, or if it's an insider thing specific to the music industry, but they refer to a video tape a lot and when they begin to analyze it for a specific thing, it's that specific thing that lost me.  But even so, it's been a while since my brain has tried to solve a movie while I watched and I was right on top of this one (again, anyone familiar with these types of films probably won't find it that difficult - it just felt good to be watching and solving again, instead watching and mindless).  Anyway, I enjoyed it and liked it.  I liked the way the main character was handled throughout the movie and especially in the end.  POSSIBLE SPOILER DEPENDING ON HOW YOU VIEW SPOILERS - I like that while she did get a little snobbish after gaining popularity, she still treated her best friend  well (even if she did call her an "acquaintance" in an interview), and how she signed the cd for her friend - I think there are subtleties in her actions toward her friend that speak more toward her character than the words she uses.  Anyway, that's my take and I liked that attention to detail with the character.

I do have one minor issue with the movie, but stating it here would, in my opinion, be a major spoiler, so I won't say anything at all.  Things just...happen in a rather convenient way for the plot to advance and that doesn't mesh very well with the typical ghost story.

#2.  Kaze No Stigma - an anime series about elemental martial arts magic users that focuses mainly on a high powered fire-using family who banished their son, Kazuma, because he couldn't harness the power of fire.  As an adult, Kazuma returns, having gained the power of wind, and joins forces with his former family in their fight against evil.  Okay - that is a super simplified version of the plot, but it's better than the one Netflix provides, which makes it sound like something for kids.  Teens, yeah, ok.  But not little kids.  First - the coloring is excellent and the voice acting is excellent (dub), with a lot of familiar voices.  Second - Kazuma was SO MUCH like Phantom in the second part of Phantom: Requiem for Phantom (Zwei) after he accepts his fate, that it was eerie.  For the first couple of episodes, if it wasn't for the wind and fire magic, and screeching teenage redhead, I'd think I was watching Phantom.  They aren't voiced by the same person, but I swear they are similar.  Anyway, the first part of the series focuses on Kazuma's relationship with his family and his partnership with Ayano (the screeching teenage redhead).  At first they mostly go about one or two episode monster hunts until the story begins to evolve and form a linear, continuous plot.  This plot delves into Kazuma's past, is sad and tragic, is interesting, and makes me really wish there would be another season.  However, according to a quick bit of research, the creator for this story is now deceased and it appears the project has been cancelled.  I haven't confirmed any of that as true, but given that the anime aired in 2007 and it's now 5 years later...I think they (Gonzo) have moved on.  My thoughts.  Kazuma is a serious fellow and I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of him throughout the anime.  He is one of those unflinching, unwavering, and unbeatable guys with a tortured heart beating at the center of his chest.  He made me want to watch this anime.  He is why I watched the whole thing in a day.  The rest...okay, so the rest is fine, except that I wish the rest had stayed at Kazuma's level.  But maybe that was their way of showing the difference of maturity in their characters - I don't really know.  Ayano had moments of maturity, but overall was rather annoying and I wanted more seriousness and maturity from her.  Overall, I wanted more seriousness and maturity from the whole anime.  The other supporting characters, like Kazuma's brother, Ren, his uncle, and his father, and the villains and whatnot where all fine.  I actually really liked Ren.  He was a cute character and I loved his interactions with his friends.  But the seriousness and maturity level extends to the anime itself.  There's a lot of fan service going on here - panty shots, wind blowing skirts up, torn up clothes, big breasts, unnecessary boob jiggling (and I mean it - boobs jiggling in the scene just to have them jiggle).  The story gets really serious once the relationships are established and this just doesn't go with the maturity level that the anime sets for itself.  That was kind of disappointing.  I wanted more from it.  If it hadn't gotten so serious, if Kazuma was a little goofier - maybe like Vash - I don't know - maybe the lighter side would've been easier to accept.  But as it is, this seems like two animes trying to meld into one that kind of mostly works, but leaves you wishing it was a little bit better.  So that's it.  I enjoyed it.  I wish there's more to it.  I want to know what happens, what the whole story is, and I wish it was more serious.  But even with all that, this is a title I would put on my buy list.  It wouldn't be at the top, but if I saw it for a good price tomorrow, I'd pick it up.  I can enjoy goof, silly anime (I LOVE Cromartie High and Azumanga Daioh), and I can appreciate lighthearted characters juxtaposed with serious characters (take xxxHolic or Fruits Basket, for example) when done well.  However, here, the juxtaposition doesn't sit well.  But if you can overlook that, or if you like jiggling boobs and panty shots along with lots teenage girls, fighting, monsters, and fire/wind magic, then check this title out.

When I sat down to write this, I realized that what I should be reviewing is my new laptop.  Is it ironic that I work in I.T. and choose to review movies and anime instead of my new HP Pavilion M6 with its 3rd gen (yes, Ivy Bridge...woot!) Intel i5 processor and 8gb DDR3 ram and 700 gb hdd?  The M6 is HP's replacement for their DV6 line, which is my other laptop, running a measly core two duo with 4gb ddr 3 and a 500 gb hdd.  It's going to get a ram upgrade and become my husband's laptop since his Dell is dead and will soon have a greater metal-to-lead ratio (read: he's going to shoot it).  We have an even older HP Pavilion, from one of the dinosaur-eras from whence XP was born, that we upgraded as a spare for my father-in-law to use when he house sits for us.  We added a one-gig stick of ram and that thing is speeding along now.  I'm looking forward to upgrading my DV6.  Maybe one of these days I'll review this M6. 

Sorry for any typos.  I've already taken my meds and vertigo is setting in, so re-reading this is out of the question now.  Have a good night!

Movie Reviews! The Caller, Audition, The Perfect Host ... Quick Anime Review Notes ... and Some Rambling!

I've been wanting to blog.  But not about any one thing in particular.  And I realize that I tend to not only write long posts, but also ramble on about topics completely unrelated from one another.

So, for starters, So You Think You Can Dance is done.  Chehon and Eliana won.  YAY!  (Even though I'm sad for Cyrus. Boo!)  I found a lot of music through the season and through the "if you like this, you might this" feature on Amazon, so I have a "brand new" 6-hour playlist filled with a range of music from classical, dubsteb, and electronica.  Woot!  I even bought a cd - Gus Gus Arabian Horse.  I < 3 them!  (yes, I just did that.  Check them out...I fell in love first with Believe (not on Arabian Horse) and Over (track 3 on Arabian Horse))

What else is new in the world as I see it?  Well, my cat Neko (occasional substitute blogger whose name is the same as the Japanese word for cat even though we pronounce it with a long ee...see rambling?) - anyway, my cat Neko had to go to the emergency clinic the Thursday night before last and then to our local animal hospital on last Saturday morning, which is where she has resided ever since.  She presented with bloody diarrhea and impacted anal glands.  She was in a lot of pain.  She is doing better, but is on three anti-biotics, subcu-IV fluids, and isn't in any shape to come home yet.  :-(

In addition, Lucien, our alpha male (who is the biggest baby), had a bladder infection and the antibiotics made him sick.  He spent over 6 days/nights in the hospital on two occasions (total) waiting for urine samples because he is such a stubborn little guy.  He finally came home today with the okay to stop treatment and keep an eye on him.  He's been cuddling ever since.

So, speaking of cuddling and health issues, I had to go to the doctor again yesterday and am in the process of setting up a potential surgical consult to follow the procedure I'm having done in a few weeks.  SO, I've spent the day in bed cuddling with Lu and streaming Netflix while Tim and G-man work the Illini game.

Which leads to why I actually decided to write this post.  I watched three movies today and as I write this, I'm starting an anime series (which I will restart to give it a proper watching):  Kaze no Stigma (Stigma of the Wind, I believe).  I recognize many of the voices, so while I'm not paying a lot of attention to it, I'm already intrigued just because of that.

Movie #1:  The Caller - psychological horror/thriller.  A woman going through a divorce moves into an apartment whose phone receives calls from a woman living in 1979.  They strike up a friendship that soon turns sour...with dire consequences in the past and present.  I liked it.  The lighting, camera work, and coloring were all excellent at creating the atmosphere and setting the mood.  I didn't really cringe every time the phone rang, which I imagine is what the director intended, but there was so much going on in the story, that the phone almost fell into the background.  The movie has some heart-wrenching moments and others that make you just stop for a second, but it doesn't allow you much time to mourn or wonder because it keeps moving forward.  The movie seems simple on the surface, but it's multilayered and intriguing.  The mystery behind the caller is never explained.  I like that because anything they came up would seem contrived and ruin the story.  There were a few spots where I questioned why she didn't call the police, but those were easy to brush aside for the sake of the story.  In the end, what needs to be explained has been explained and the story comes together in a near perfect way.  It is tragic and beautiful with all of the layers, and even more so when extra time is taken to think about those layers.  I can't make a call on the Nerdgirl scary scale - I don't think it's scary, especially not in the spooky sense, but there are a few places that could make someone jump (it is more psychological after all).  There aren't any monsters and the only paranormal events are the phone calls.  Everything else involves people (for example:  the main character's abusive ex-husband).  There are a few violent scenes, but they tend to build up and pass quickly, and I don't remember seeing a lot of blood, except in one scene, but even that is brief.

Movie #2:  Audition - Japanese Horror (subtitled).  Okay - so this movie has a cult following for the supposedly gratuitous and graphic torture scenes that (according to Wikipedia, so take that for whatever it's worth) made the movie hard for even Rob Zombie to enjoy.  I've been curious.  The Japanese are known for going over the top and I've seen some crazy torture stuff in anime, so I was more than a little curious about Audition.  I just needed to know if I could stomach it.  I decided to try.  The movie runs about an hour an a half, and most of it focuses on the central story:  a widower, 7-years after his wife's death, is urged by his teenage son to remarry.  Together with a friend in the movie production business, he holds auditions to find the perfect woman.  Of course, as you can probably guess, he doesn't choose wisely.  However, since most of the movie focuses on him, his loneliness, his son, his son's ambitions, and then his excitement at falling in love with the perfect woman, I found myself relating to him and empathizing with him.  Perhaps I would have been drawn in more had I not known anything about the woman.  The parts that have made the movie so popular don't occur until the last 30 or even 20-minutes of the film, and the famous, "graphic" torture sequence is among the last in the film, and most of it is spent showing more of how much she's enjoying it than it is actually showing the torture.  Okay, so here's my take on it - I'm very sensitive to things.  I hate torture in movies, will not watch domestic or sexual violence, hate seeing animals get hurt or killed, etc.  But I was almost laughing during the torture scene.  It just seemed so out of place.  Her character had shifted so drastically and without explanation, that her torture getup and her devices - the whole thing just seemed really out of left field (pardon the lack of a better expression).  (Before anyone says anything about the "love only me" thing, I get that, and I get that she snapped when she saw the picture of his late wife, but even with that, it was a drastic shift.)  And then the torture itself, by today's standards, with the Saw movies and whatnot, was VERY tame.  There was hardly any blood and it really was more about her enjoying his pain and what she was doing than actually showing what she was doing.  In my opinion, this will stay a cult hit, because it is one, but time has done the damage because movies have only gotten more violent.  I've been more disturbed by the violence in the newest Bond films than I was by anything in Audition.  Now, that said, because of that, I was able to enjoy the movie.  I can see where the shock and awe factors were supposed to be, but in the end, I felt horrible for the widower and I felt sorry for her.  But her story wasn't adequately told or something was lost in translation to bring about anything more than surface feelings for her because her end character did not match the character she had been throughout the movie.  Even given that what I say is "tame torture" by today's standards...LATE EDIT:  I've removed the Nerdgirl scary scale comment because I realized that I don't honestly know how she would rate this movie and she has a much stronger stomach than I do.  So I've decided to rate this on my own scale, which makes more sense since I described my own tastes.  This is not a movie that people like me or people sensitive to violence should watch.  It is still sadistic.  It is still torture.  It is sad and tragic.  I was only able to make it through because I researched the movie ahead of time, knew what to expect, had some previous experience with the genre in animated form, and got myself into a frame of mind to see it completely as a work of fiction (much easier to do with an anime, I have to say).  If I had gone in blind and not prepared, I am certain parts of the movie and the end would have bothered me.  However, even with all that, I stand by the my review.

Movie #3 The Perfect Host - dark comedy/thriller.  Starring David Hyde Pierce, The Perfect Host has been on my watch list for a while, but I kept forgetting about it.  A bank robber on the run crashes the wrong dinner party and regrets it...a lot.  Skipping ahead - Nerdgirl - watch this!!  This movie is so  dark and hilarious, and David Hyde Pierce is absolutely perfect in his role.  This movie was made for him.  Just when the robber thinks he has control...um, no sir.  You've just entered the Twilight Zone mind of a violent schizophrenic who likes to party.  Between the drinking and the singing and the conga line and the dancing, and then the pool...there is so much to this "dinner party" as seen through the eyes of the robber and the eyes of Pierce that it's hard not to get swept up and just enjoy the "fun."  Sometimes I wasn't sure how dark it was actually going to go, but that was part of how good it was.  And there was more going on in the background, as well, such as flashbacks regarding the robber's life and why he robbed the bank, and discoveries detectives were making about his case.  The former served to help the viewer feel sorry for the robber, since he appears initially as a cold-hearted jackass, while the latter seems misplaced and forced into the story because it needs to be there until everything is neatly tied together in the end.  The thing about these other two parts is that while I was enjoying the dinner party and not trying to solve the case or look for twists, there were certain things that my mind would grab onto - little tidbits of information that only existed in the story because they were pertinent in some way.  That is, after all, one of the first things we learn as writers - only add what's necessary (unless its a deliberate distraction, but hey, even that's necessary, right?).  So I deliberately ignored those tidbits, just so I could enjoy the movie without solving it.  And I'm glad I did because it was so much better that way.  Excellent movie.  I can't say that enough.

So I'll stop there.  I have a two queries out and am working on a one-page synopsis.  One.  Page.  X_X  Ug.

Until my next ramble.  Goodnight.  Oh - it's a Bleach night!  Yay!  ^_^   Until then, back to Kaze No Stigma.  Oh, and, although been it's on my watch list for awhile, since Adult Swim acquired the rights to show it, I've been watching Samurai 7 - it's starting out slow and one character in particular is rather annoying, but it's enjoyable.  Plus it's based on Akira Kurosawa's film Seven Samurai, which the Bare Naked Ladies sung about in One Week (and Sailor Moon, too!).  I'm not really a big BNL fan, though.  I've also been forcing myself through Casshern Sins and that's starting to pay off.  I think they could have tossed half of the eps and been better off.  I've never seen the original.  Other anime titles that I've watched and enjoyed lately (read: within the last year or so) include Gun X Sword (come on, its like Spike from Cowboy Bebop piloting Big O with a wee bit of Trigun mixed in there somewhere.  How can that not be awesome?), Rin: Daughters of Mnemosyne (adult title) - despite the gratuitous nature of adult titles, this one included, I liked the story and actually cried at the tragic turn, Trigun: Badlands Rumble? (the new movie) - awesome - NEW Trigun based on the Maximum manga series - a must see (and must read) for any Trigun fan or Vash fanatic (like me, even though I'm horrible with titles right now), Claymore - it's been a while, but I liked it - not one that would top my buy list, but I would buy it some day - another sad, tragic tale and I'm drawn to sad, tragic tales - this one reminded me of D's plight in Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, but the two are in no way similar in any other way - Claymores are female warriors and there are no vampires here, Phantom: Requiem for the Phantom - phenomenal - foreign travelers brainwashed into becoming master assassins for a Japanese mafia-type.  The story is deep and layered (I'm into layers) and goes throughout years of their lives and how their "job" affects them.  It centers on the male lead and his desire for freedom, but as we Americans like to say, "Freedom isn't Free" and that's exactly what he learns.  I'd have to say that Phantom reminded me of Darker than Black, although they are a bit different.  I'd have to watch DTB again, but right now I'd say Phantom is the better of the two.  Bleach:  Fade to Black - the 3rd movie in the Bleach series.  Okay - so first, it's Bleach, so it's awesome, and second it focuses on Rukia, so Byakuya's in it, too - double awesome (I clearly have a thing for fake, hot guys).  I've liked all of the Bleach movies, but this is my favorite so far - it let us further into the Kuchiki world than we've gotten and I love that Byakuya came around because of his late wife.  We don't see much humanity or emotion from him, so that scene is one of my favorites.

Oh my gosh.  I've done it again.  Good grief.  See?  I can just go on, and on, and on.  Finally, I bought Halloween socks with a bat on them that kind of resembles the bat symbol.  How cool is that?  Totally what I thought.  Time for me to shut up.