The Arrival Midwest Book Review, Dark History and Horror Convention, And MORE!

This is longer than I intended, so I'll provide bullet points:
*Midwest Book Review critiqued "The Arrival" - skip to the end to read its awesomeness
*My health sucks and it interferes with my life and writing goals (surgery is higher in the air than the Flying Graysons)
*I'll be at the Dark History, True Crime, and Horror Convention in November #DHHC2018
*In a TBA release, my short story "How to Make Lemonade" will appear in a vampire anthology by Dark Moon Press entitled "Tales of Blood and Shadows"
*I hope to have Confessions on Kindle by the end of the year
*I'm making progress on the 3rd "Children of the Morning Star" book, have a tentative release schedule, and new working title
*I may have some speaking engagements forthcoming at the library
*The Library of Congress is cataloging Confessions
*I am bad about using apostrophes, quotes, italics, and underlining consistently for titles (forgive me)
*I write long blogs
*The above picture is one of several potential covers for Confessions that I chose not to use
*Signed copies of both books are available locally at G-Mart in Downtown Champaign

OK- AND GO!

Shortly after Confessions of the Second Born went live, I sent copies of it and The Arrival to Midwest Book Review with hopes of not only being selected for review, but also of gaining (hopefully) positive industry critiques.  I will get to that...I mean, it is the best part of this post (so skip to the end if you want), but first, updates and such.

While waiting to hear from Midwest Book Review, I prepped for the local Dark History and Horror Convention in November (#DHHC2018), dealt with another batch of health issues that may or may not need surgery, tried to work on the 3rd book in the Children of the Morning Star series, and wrote and submitted a short story to Dark Moon Press for a vampire anthology.

Sound like a lot?  You have no idea.  I don't allow my health to define me, but I can't help how it affects me.  Sometimes my brain works and sometimes it's way off--like, not off in left field, but not even in the stadium.  Or the parking lot.  It's more like finding Waldo in a zoomed out satellite picture of Chicago.  Throw in new things and Waldo's buried.  Essentially, nothing about this is easy for a normal person on a good day, so it requires a lot of hard work, energy, and time from me (and I always mess something up and need to fix it - par for the course). 

Ooh!  TWO sports metaphors from the geek in ONE paragraph!  I'm getting better at this.

Ok, so, in many ways, writing and editing is cathartic, which I've written about in the past, and can be both a source of stress and a coping mechanism for stress.  If you've followed my blog, you already know the story: I wrote the first two books over a decade ago, it started as a dream when I was 13, and health interruptions thrust me into a rut of edits.  To any creative type, a project is rarely ever finished.  We continue to peck at endlessly until we set a 'done point' and stick to it.

At points where I really needed something good to happen, I called 'done' on both of them and set up a rough plan for the 3rd.  But the 3rd is tricky.  I started it shortly after the initial two.  It's a patchwork mess of disorganized scenes and notes.  At some point, I organized several patches into the first five chapters, with the rest making up a potential 4-7 additional chapters.  The 3rd already contains 188 extremely roughly written pages.  The working title is "Children of the Morning Star." (COMS)

Truth be told, once Confessions went live, I was a nervous wreck about finishing the series.  I hadn't creatively written anything seriously in 6 or 7 years.  Can I still do it?  Will my health and brain and everything else allow it?  I'm in constant pain and my hands and arms have started going numb.  Sometimes I can't even hold a book to read.  How do I expect to type a new book?

Enter Dark Moon Press's Tales of Blood and Shadows A Vampire Anthology.  For weeks, I wrote out ideas for a submission.  I started 3 stories and abandoned them.  Then I had a dream, a dream of a nightmare I'd had years ago that made me sick to my stomach.  So I wrote.  And a short story was born.  I submitted it and recently learned it will be used.  (Release TBA plus happy dance!)  It is titled How to Make Lemonade and tells the story of a suicidal woman who falls into the arms of a widowed vampire.  The question, however, is whether he sees her as something to save?  Or savor?

I liked it.  I liked it so much that I was far too nervous to submit it because I knew something had to be wrong with it.  I read it aloud to a few groups of people and asked a few friends to read it.  The groups were captivated to an uncomfortable level.  I've never felt such laser-pointed focus from others before.  But that's a good thing.  And the readers loved it.  I held onto it for a few weeks, still unsure, and then called it done.  My nerves were on fire.  Not only had I not written in years, but I tried an entirely new writing style.  Seems like a good gamble.  How to Make Lemonade is not your typical vampire story, but, if you've read either of my books, you already know that I don't write "typical" vampire stories.  Visit darkmoonpress.com to subscribe for updates and notifications, and, of course, like and follow me on Facebook.  (My current stress relief project is making cute mini-bookmarks to market this short story and anthology, and I'm toying with writing a novel based on the short.)

The positive feedback boosted my confidence.  I read the 188 pages I'd previously written for COMS.  EGAD!  The writing is terrible.  The story is fine.  The story and characters were more developed than I remembered.  I took time to think over the story elements and direction, jotted notes, and so forth, and finally began working on it.  I've only just finished cleaning up the first chapter, but I've already cut thousands of words from the first 20 pages.  It's put me into a hybrid writing/editing mode that works.  It's a bit bland, but the twisty prose and phrasing will come.  I can't get ahead of myself.  I've also developed a new working title, but that's a secret for now.

It's no secret that there is a lot going on in my life, always.  This is one, tiny facet, but it's a dream come true.  All my life, I wanted to be an author.  I wanted people to read my words.  I wanted my writing to make people think.  And it is!  Currently, Confessions is only out as a paperback.  A Kindle version is coming, and when it does, it will be free to download for the first several days.  I hope to have it ready by the end of the year.  I apologize to anyone who is waiting for it.  It is a project that requires more focus than I can give it right now to do it right, and I want to do it right.  My readers deserve that.

Additionally, my local library asked me about possible speaking engagements and possibly entering my books into circulation.  That is also very awesome!  It's hard for me to commit to anything (I mean, I've got help for the upcoming Con, but I am terrified of how I'm going to get through it, both physically and mentally given the challenges I face just getting through a day at home with my cats - lol), but I would love, LOVE to do this.  My therapist sees my books as a shining beacon in my treatment.  I love to talk about them, about the process, about the different meanings people take away - she says I light up.  I perk up.  I've spent so much time in their world that it's real to me.  And when I'm there, I don't hurt.  When I "come home," I pay for it dearly, but it's a price she thinks is worth it for the relief and happiness it provides.

And so, with everything going on, I'm closing in on my tentative time table for COMS.  3 months or so to write it.  3-6 to edit and polish.  Another 3 to start publication and proof, proof, proof.  Plus 3 months extra for delays with an estimated release by the end of 2019.  Health complications and stress loom over this time table, placing me in an unfortunate position of already being behind.  It's a self-imposed deadline that can obviously change, but I'm not going to drag this release out.  It's a different story now.  People want to know.  I have readers!  They want books to read!  I can't allow myself to fall into another ten year rut.  And trust me, that is not an option.  If I need to, I'll work with another author.  This story is my story, and it's been my story since I was a kid.  It deserves readers, and the readers deserve something compelling and good.

Alas!  That brings us to today!  Today I learned that the Library of Congress is cataloging Confessions, and I found "The Arrival" in the October issue of Midwest Book Review's Small Press Bookwatch!  And with an awesome critique!  Many, MANY thanks to the reviewer(s) at Midwest Book Review.  Thank you so much for accepting my submission and for enjoying it.  I am incredibly happy right now and that's something my aching body or Wheres's Waldo brain can't take from me.  It follows:

"The first volume in Kastie Pavlik's 'Children of the Morning Star' vampiric fantasy series, "The Arrival" reveals an author with a genuine flair for originality and character driven narrative storytelling. A deftly crafted and unfailingly compelling read from beginning to end, "The Arrival" is unreservedly recommended and certain to be an immediate and enduringly popular addition to community library Fantasy Fiction collections. It should be noted for the personal reading lists of dedicated vampire fiction fans that "The Arrival" is also available in a digital book format (Kindle, $1.99)."  - Midwest Book Review

Much love to everyone who is on this journey with me.  It's a Hell of a ride.  I hope you're enjoying it.

(And don't forget that copies of both books are available locally at G-Mart!  If you purchase a signed copy, message my author page and I'll arrange to customize the autograph and give you extra goodies!)

Book Status Update - Boring Blog Title

It appears that I’m neglecting my blog again.  Shame, shame!

A lot has been happening.  I’ll release info in bits as I get stuff nailed down (or staked down, if you will – bad joke, I know). 

For now, I’ve pulled THE ARRIVAL from sale to reformat the interior to match CONFESSIONS OF THE SECOND BORN.  It cut the page count by almost 100 pages, which also brings the price point down!  So, win-win for the readers! 

When THE ARRIVAL goes live again, it will be across various distribution channels and no longer an Amazon exclusive.  I may, periodically, return it to being an Amazon exclusive because that allows me to drop the price considerably and is really the only control I have over putting the title “on sale.” 

Meanwhile, the Kindle version remains live.  I will update it, eventually, but only to add a cleaner family tree and fix a few formatting issues.  Nothing too big.  It will continue to be a free download with purchase of the paperback.

I’m awaiting a physical proof of THE ARRIVAL to approve.  Once that’s done, it’ll go live within a week. 

I’ve been busy putting together sketches and information for the Notations section of CONFESSIONS.  I’ve heard this book is very intense and I don’t give the reader a break.  So prepare thyself for an emotional whirlwind. (evil laugh)

I love how THE ARRIVAL sets the stage for the overall story.  CONFESSIONS OF THE SECOND BORN takes that setting and runs with it (like Juggernaut and The Flash had a baby – which would probably be an ugly baby, no offense to the Flash).  It’s not fair to THE ARRIVAL, but I love CONFESSIONS so much more.  I don’t know if it’s supposed to be like picking a favorite child, which we all know is a thing, but it’s easy for me. 

If you haven’t been by the FB author page in a while, I’ve posted a picture from my day playing with the Civil War Cavalry, along with little things here and there.  And, if you’ve read THE ARRIVAL, join the discussion group!  They’ve been treated to early peeks at character sketches, marketing materials, and info teases. 

That’s all I’ve got for now.  Stay tuned.  But don’t hold your breath.  I do tend to neglect this blog.  ^_-

Something, Something, Butterflies, Batman, and MS

Sometimes things in life add up perfectly, such as a butterfly posing patiently for its photograph.  In a heart-shaped spot of light in a dark forest on a sweltering day.  Often, that's not how it works, though.  And even greater still, even those "perfect" moments benefit from additional attention. 

Most of us touch up our photos now, just as I changed the contrast and brightness to highlight the butterfly's spotlight.  The heart is natural, though--capturing that photo was a stroke of luck.  It seemed like an appropriate picture to share on Earth Day.

I don't really have a specific topic for today.  My mind has been jumbled lately, my memory worse than usual.  I lose thoughts quicker than they form.  It makes writing/editing difficult, but I'm doing my best and that's all I can do. 

I used to review anime and manga on this blog, periodically.  If I were to start from where I left off this would probably be the longest post ever--which would be quite the achievement given how I tend to ramble.  But, it is something I've been wanting to do.

I started reading manga years ago.  Exactly when escapes me, but I think I started with a 3-book box set for Cowboy Bebop.  This was before publishers printed the books in the correct Japanese back-to-front, right-to-left format.  Once that became the standard, my obsession took off.  What started with 3 books has grown into a large collection with hundreds of books - I mean, Bleach, alone, is over 70 volumes.

Like everything else in my life, my tastes are eclectic.  You might think I'm a shojo girl at first glance, but upon closer inspection, you'd see that I lean toward supernatural and sci-fi.  Vampires, ghosts, demons, time travel, mythology.  It's so hard to pick an all time favorite.  It's not manga, but Vampire Hunter D ranks high.  Trigun has to be next, followed by Black Bird and Cardcaptor Sakura.  I have too many current titles to rattle off, so the ones I look forward to the most are:  Attack on Titan, Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card (OMG I love CLAMP), Karneval, Noragami, and The Demon Prince of Momochi House (the nue is hot!). 

And then, of course, I got back into novels.  And now my novel collection has grown.  I adore Sarah Addison Allen's books.  The way she weaves her magical realism is incredible.  Freda Warrington's The Blood Wine Sequence series is amazing, and I love Gillian Flynn - just when you think the story should be wrapping up, she takes you beyond the end into places you'd never expect. 

So, for the record, at this point, I'm reading manga, novels translated from Japanese, and "normal" novels. 

Aaaaand then . . . my superhero fetish kicked into high gear and I started reading tradebacks and graphic novels.  And now have a substantial collection of those, as well.  I love Marvel and DC, but when it comes to reading, I'm nearly DC all the way.  Deadpool's in there, mixing it up, but I have loved Batman since I was kid, and I adore The Flash.  My "comic" collection consists largely of Batman and Flash titles & collections, along with Hellblazer, Lucifer, and Rick and Morty (not DC).  With DC's Rebirth event, I've also picked up Nightwing and Wonder Woman, and with the New 52, I got into Justice League Dark. 

Think that's enough?  Cuz I didn't.  Now I'm into actual comics.  Specifically Deadman and The Doomsday Clock.  I'd never read (or seen) Watchmen, so after reading the first few Doomsday Clock issues, I grabbed the Watchmen omnibus.  And now I need to go back and re-read the Doomsday Clock issues I have to understand the backstory.  I've started getting back issues of Batman and other titles.  LOL - I have a problem and not enough shelf space!   I should have posted a picture of my library instead of the butterfly, which is sad since I started this with the beauty of the Earth on Earth Day and now I'm posting about all the paper I own.

Believe it not, I do actually have a point!  I've been amazed that given the memory and cognition issues I face on a daily basis, I can follow as many story lines as I do.  Let me pause and do counting -- 35 current manga series, 12 comic series, and whatever novel I'm reading.  For some of these titles, the next book doesn't come out for years.  Take Loveless, for example.  I thought it was on a 2 year release schedule, so I thought the next book would have been out around October of 2015.  Nope.  It'll be out this summer.  So I've been waiting for it since probably 2013.  Others come out faster - maybe every few months, and others are at about a year.  For a book I'll read in under an hour. 

My point?  All of these stories have histories that are built by the book's creator.  Many of those comics have histories that have existed since the 1930s with retcons and additions and changes, and so forth.  It's all stuff that exercises my brain.  Frequently, I enjoy learning about the real histories behind the character as much I love reading the fiction.  Captain America's actual creation story is amazing.  Get me started on nearly any character?  I won't shut up.  I don't read much Superman, but I can tell you that the Superman we know and love today is from Earth Two, and that Supergirl is faster than Superman, who is thought to be the only man who can keep up, or possibly even beat, The Flash.  I'd love to see Supergirl and The Flash race. 

See?  I won't stop.  It engages my brain, and for that moment, or those few hours that I'm rambling on and on, I actually know what I'm talking about and feel confident about it.  So much of my day is spent trying to remember what I was going to say or do, or trying to remember my cat's name or remember who someone is in a photograph. 

I work hard on my cognition issues and reading is really the best thing for it.  I wish I had something equally as fun to help with my physical issues.  But there's not much I can do about that.  Use or lose it is what I know and that keeps me from laying in bed all day.  I force myself to get up and do at least one thing a day.  I miss the days when I could walk in a forest and take pictures of butterflies.

Look at that!  Sometimes things just come together!  ^_^ 

I came here today because I'm working on another round of edits for The Arrival's sequel and I haven't been able to focus on it.  People who know me know I have problems with my legs.  But I have problems with my arms, too, and they're getting worse to the point that holding a book or turning the pages is hard.  My arms go to sleep, they go numb, they are heavy and slow to respond.  It wasn't such a big deal when it was just my left arm, but now it's my right arm, too.  This blog has always helped me see things in a different light or helped me feel better.  As usual, talking about comics did the trick. 

I guess if this post has any point, it's to reiterate that old saying that if something's worth doing, it's going to take work.  I want to slow the damage to my brain and body, so I work at it.  I push myself extremely hard.  Past physical therapists have told me I push too hard and I should cut back to 1/4 of what I'm doing.  So, I've worked on that.  Doing too much can do more harm than good.  Which is why I like to read.  I don't think it's possible to read too much.  Except that I could overstimulate my brain and that's not good at bedtime. 

Another thing?  Enjoy what you have because you never know when you'll lose it.  Stop and take those pictures of butterflies.  Take a deep breath in a flower garden.  Appreciate those little things that line up perfectly.  If you can, work to make it even better, to make it shine.  A spotlight moment can be yours, but you have to be willing to see it and accept it. 

For example, I know The Arrival has a good story and that I'm a good writer.  But I'm just me.  It's hard for me to think like that.  And that's another thing I'm working on.  I know the sequel has a good story and the writing is good as it is.  But it needs to be polished and that's what I'm struggling with now.  My mom is helping me and it's incredible.  I don't think I'd get this done without her help.  And I'm eager to finish edits and polishing so that my *secret* beta reader can get her hands on it and give me much needed feedback.  Writing a book, polishing it, and then publishing it is like watching a caterpillar turn into a butterfly and fly away.  It's not easy.  It takes work.  For me, it takes a lot more effort than it did five or ten years ago.  Even just a year ago.  But I'll keep working on it.  I'll keep working on everything.  I owe it to myself and to my readers. 

I have no idea how long this post became and I haven't proofed it, so please forgive any typos - I tried to catch them as I went.  Hopefully, this all tied together, somehow, and was at least enjoyable to read.  Until next time!  Bye!  ^_-

Leave my brokenness broken

Vampires and cats seem to be my "thing."  Today, I learned something new about myself that I probably already knew deep down, somewhere, but hadn't structured into cohesive thought.  I was broken once.  And then I broke my brokenness and fixed myself.  It's deeply personal and private, but the revelation was amazing. 

Not one of us is perfect.  And no one can be strong all of the time.  Some of us put on that brave face and do what we need to do to get by, and others?  They break or they fight.  Forget MS.  Forget cancer.  Forget everything else "wrong" with me.  Me?  I am a survivor.  I am the person that runs toward the fire.  I overlook the bad in my life to celebrate the good.  I am happy.

What did I want to be when I was a kid?  An author.  And then an accountant.  Right and left brain.  The college counselors told me I'd never be happy with a career unless I could satisfy both sides of my brain - use the left at work and the right at home or vice versa.  Well, throw in MS and I'm lucky I can use my brain at all.  And just like that, I'm off topic.  My point here?  I'm still a kid at heart, so I haven't grown up.  So what do I want to be?  Happy.  As reported in Gundam Wing, "Mission accomplished."

Here's the thing:  I pour all that I am into my writing.  I always have.  Broken.  Unbroken.  Aging, sick, joy, sorrow, excited.  Love, hate, emptiness, soulful.  Survivor.  Victim.  Selfish.  Selfless.  My pain, anger, experience.  Diverse religions, interests, studies.  Empathetic.  Sympathetic.  Cold.  Warm.  Violence.  Peace.  Vampires, blood, darkness.  Rainbows, unicorns, sugar.  Cats and toys.  It's all there.

I keep thinking of a line from Poe's The Raven.  "Leave my loneliness unbroken."  It's my favorite piece of literature, and reminds me of when I would have asked to leave my brokenness unbroken.  Unlike the narrator, whose soul lay in shadow to be lifted nevermore, I chose not to wallow.

Another line reads:  "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting. . ."  I imagine that I stared down my darkness in much the same way, but at some point, I stopped looking and stepped into it.

I think that people, in general, tend to fear the unknown.  Many of us stay the course, take the worn path, and face the known whether it's better or worse than the unknown.  It's a risk.  I can't sit here and say I deliberately broke my brokenness or stared down my darkness.  It just happened.  So maybe I "just happened" to emerge reborn like a caterpillar to butterfly.  I don't know.  I can't say for sure.  It wasn't easy, but I'm a fighter.  Easy isn't something I've known, which I'm sure was to my benefit.  And my "fix" was not without its own scars, perhaps ironically.

That's the heart of the matter and where I've discovered my writing has taken me.  The Arrival and soon-to-arrive Confessions of the Second Born, aren't about vampires or God.  The theology in those pages is my own conglomeration of mythology and religion to fit the context of my fiction.  The real story is the search, and subsequent finding, of self.  Life's not easy - be ye vampire or human, demon or angel.  It's full of choices that are sometimes beyond our control.  So it helps to know yourself. 

It is so easy to sit in a chair, talking with a friend, and say, "If that happened to me, I'd do this."  Sometimes that might be true.  More often than not, it's probably not if that actually happened to you.  I'm reminded of when a family member was diagnosed with breast cancer.  During the discussion, I said that if I ever had breast cancer (ignorantly thinking I'd never get it because my risk was supposedly so low - risk is risk - take it seriously) that I wouldn't get reconstruction.  At the time, I was more active and said they (boobs) just get in the way, and I have the love of my life, so who am trying to impress?  So, you might imagine how this person felt, and how the conversation changed, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and chose reconstruction. 

The hows and whys of it don't matter.  Until you are sitting in that chair, hearing those words, having every detail thrown at you, and being asked impossible questions, you don't know what you will do.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  I needed time.  I had to think it all through and make the best decision for me and my family.  In the end, I still question my decisions. 

When I broke my brokenness, I didn't have time to think or take it in.  It was a blur.  But I still had to make a choice.


The same holds true to life in general.  Whether you're going through the motions, breaking, or fighting, you are the one who needs to take it all in and make the decisions.  Sometimes they're easy.  Sometimes they're impossible.  Some will end up good and others will blow up in ways you'd never imagine.  If you truly know yourself, the process might just be a little easier.  Maybe.

I channeled all of this into my series.  I wanted it to mirror real life, even with vampires and angels.  I suppose the first book, The Arrival, succeeds the most since the supernatural characters will stand out far more in subsequent books.  Above all, regardless of who or what they are, these characters are making hard choices and living with the consequences, all while striving to strike a balance to find themselves and happiness--the same thing we all do, everyday.

What will you break or leave unbroken?  The choice is yours.

Processing . . .

Every writer has a process, whether it's winging it, brain storming, or outlining.  I've never been good with outlines.  I hated doing them in school.  Most of the time, I cheated and did them afterward. 

Oddly, doing the outline afterward actually works for me to track continuity.  I also keep a timeline, a family tree, and a character list with details.  Oh, and journal upon journal upon napkins and notebooks and scratch paper of notes.  And every single manuscript I've ever printed and every copy I've ever worked on saved and dated on my laptop and two external drives.  (Think I'm paranoid?  I did work in I.T.  Things fail.  Files disappear.)

The gist?  Never throw away anything you've written and write notes on whatever is nearby.  But pencil on toilet paper needs to be copied onto something else if you ever want to read it again.

For the most part, I wing it.  I've had the story in my head for a long time, after all.  However, I was talking with a friend yesterday and rediscovered a problem I'd had when I hit a certain point in the plot.  And, of course, I can't say what it was without spoilers, but it stopped the story dead. 

I've said before that this all started with a nightmare I had.  That nightmare was the driving force for the original tale when it was about witches and witchcraft.  Around this time, I had read THE MAGIC COTTAGE by James Herbert and it influenced how I shaped a story around my dream.  It made sense and I wrote off and on for many years.

As an adult, I shifted away from the witchcraft theme and decided to go with vampires.  I don't have a clue why.  I don't know where Eric came from initially.  I do remember sitting at the diner where I waited tables thinking about this handsome vampire named Eric L'Blanc who fought in the French Revolution under Napoleon Dynamite.  Wait . . . Tater Tots.  No, just Napoleon (he's a Ziggy Piggy).


When I realized that - A.  I knew nothing about France or the French Revolution, and - B. I'd have to research France and the French Revolution, I chucked that idea.  There are iterations around here somewhere in which Eric L'Blanc exists.  But he was short lived.

Maybe if I hadn't winged it, the story would have been written sooner.  But I don't think so.

So instead, he became Eric Ravenscroft, the last name being inspired by H.P. Lovecraft, Lara Croft, and THE RAVEN (also, Jonathan was originally able to shape shift into a Raven, which I took out but wanted "Raven" in there somewhere, and I also don't know where Jonathan came from - neither were in the original story).  I still wanted a war veteran, so I had to pick between the Revolutionary War and the Civil War.  Have I ever mentioned that history was my worst subject?  Because history was my worst subject.  Thankfully, as I dug into Civil War research, I found that I actually enjoyed it.  And one on of these days, I'll do a blog post about my brief stint as a Civil War Reenactor, which is touched upon in the acknowledgements in the book.  

I've derailed from my originating subject.  Which just illustrates that I write as I go and don't plan it out.

SO - my process.  I wing it.  When I get stuck, I yank on my hair, bang my head on my desk, and stare at my screen and usually mutter curse words.  Not so much the first two any more, but the last two happen a lot now that my brain goes on strike.  Because I got stuck so badly in THE ARRIVAL, I tried something different for Confessions.  I created flash cards.

The initial batch contained major plot points and the second batch was for secondary plot points, and for character and world building.  I spread them out so I could see them all and started grouping them together and stacking until I had an order and a direction.  It worked really well.  I had too many points to get them all into Confessions, so I divided them and started over with a pile for Confessions and the leftovers for COMS. 

The flash cards worked for the overarching story that developed in THE ARRIVAL, but they wouldn't have worked for THE ARRIVAL itself.  The problem I ran into needed to be thought through and dissected.  The whole story initially revolved around that nightmare, and I reached a point where I realized the nightmare was missing.  And I couldn't figure out how to tie it into the new world I'd created with vampires instead of witches around my central character.  Essentially, I had half the book written without even knowing where I was taking it and I had no map.

Thus, several candlelit nights and many hours of hair pulling and head banging and cursing at my laptop ensued.  I'd write in the story itself or I'd open a new window and just type out ideas.  I'd space out in the car driving and hurriedly jot down notes at traffic lights.  Eventually, I got there.  It wasn't smooth sailing and I got stuck a few other times to answer the whys and hows of the situation (every writer should be able to answer Who, What, Where, When, Why, How, AND get the character through the door - a metaphor I read about as a way to see the plot:  character starts on one side of the door and winds up on the other side at the end via the plot), but I did it.  Frankly, I'm surprised it worked at all, let alone as well as it did.

I don't have structure.  I don't make myself write X number of words per day.  I don't necessarily do research ahead of time (I'll just write what I want, highlight it for research, and go back to it later).  I let the creative process work at its own pace.  Sometimes I pause to sketch out a character or a weapon or add to the family tree or timeline.  But my mantra is to write when I want to write.  If I force it, I'll end up deleting what I wrote.  It's a waste of time.  I learned that several times.  

For a lot of it, I just got lucky.  Or maybe I'm not giving my brain its due credit and somehow I knew what I was doing thanks to research and creativity.  Either way, I put together a well-written, addictive, and cohesive story that many of you are enjoying or have enjoyed

Editing. It's important.

Even the best authors miss something here or there.  I read, early on, that you should have an editor check your manuscript at least once prior to querying agents or self-publishing.  If you're a writer, you'll see it everywhere - get an editor who is not your mom  and not your teacher.  They may be great at grammar, yes, but there is so much more to editing than just grammar and typos.

For the record, my mom did help me edit.  And she's read my book more than anyone else, not counting myself.  I've read it hundreds upon hundreds of times.  It's been ten years.  It's a commitment.  If you love it, make it so others will love it, too.  And I had other grammar nerds read it.  But, I did hire a professional editor.  He was a literary agent who edited on the side.  And it was the best investment I could ever make.

You could be the best writer on Earth, but you're not going to publish a polished jewel without some work.  That can be hard to accept for some people.  Even I thought my manuscript was a masterpiece before I realized it was a masterpieceofcrap.  I cringe so much when I see the copies I sent out to those first few agents.  I'm sorry for their eyes.

My professional editor did what you might expect - checked grammar, caught typos and misued words, and so forth.  He also brought a wealth of knowledge of what readers want, type of voice, and how to tighten the narrative.  I gave him a 118,000 word manuscript and he gave it back with 10,000 fewer words.  He turned whole paragraphs into sentences.  He cut out unnecessary components that muddied the scene or dragged the story.  He cut out exposition and pointed out areas or characters that needed action or depth.  In short - he was amazing.

He wasn't cheap.  But he was worth every penny.

He told me I was a beautiful writer, not as in physically beautiful, but that I had a flowery type of prose that was beautiful to read. The bad?  People generally don't like to read that in long stretches.  You need to lay out the story so it's easy to read and pepper in beautiful writing and metaphors and comparisons.  It wasn't easy and I was nervous about what I'd get back from him.

When I got my edited manuscript back, I was surprised in several ways.  One - it wasn't polished.  This was round one editing and it was a choppy, grammatical mess.  But it was a mess easily fixed, and polishing was my job.  What surprised me most was reading my story for the first time with new, fresh eyes.  I had no idea what he'd cut or added or changed, so it was the closest to reading my book for the first time that I've ever gotten.  It was awesome.

Sure, things were cut that I added back in and some things were cut that I missed, but when I read it, it made sense, so I left them out.  In the end, the author is the creator and the author chooses what stays and goes.  I learned a lot from him.  In fact, while he was whittling away at The Arrival, I applied what I'd learned to Confessions of the Second Born.

Confessions was 176,000 words when I finished the first draft.  After two rounds of editing utilizing what I'd learned, I cut out 68,000 words.  The manuscript currently sits at 109,000 words and reads so much better than it ever did.  Until a few months ago, I hadn't touched it since early 2015 and hadn't done any serious work on it much further back.

The author has the final say and only the author can decide how much editing to do, but if you love your project and want to put the best out there for the reader, I strongly advise putting in the extra effort and investment.  The Arrival would not be the tightly written book that it is today without my pro-editor.  But I can't discount the assistance from mom and beta-readers.  Everyone who helped, HELPED. 

Grammar nerds and detail-oriented people are excellent for catching those early, obvious errors that your eyes gloss over because it's the 167th time you've read that page.  And beta-readers are supremely important in getting that early reader information - what works, what's confusing, what characters need something, how this or that is actually perceived versus how you wanted it to be perceived, and how the plot evolves.  Professional editors have that inside edge and know what the industry wants and what readers on the whole generally want.  Everyone plays a role and everyone is important.

But the most important thing is doing it.  Asking for insight.  And listening to it, even if you don't like it.  My editor had largely positive things to say, but I didn't like everything.  For example, I had to change the title, the name of the forest, and the name of the town due to a large, commercially successful book series that I hadn't read.  Since I was 13 years old, the town had always had another name.  And I had to change the opening line.  The opening line is the one thing that had never changed since I first wrote it.  But, once I changed that line, I realized that the book would flow better if I added a new chapter one and cut other scenes out of latter parts of the book. 

Hence, the first chapter as it is - which, I understand now is confusing and I didn't see it before - cut down on exposition later on in the book and allowed me to insert an active scene.  Show, don't tell.  After I got my manuscript back, I cut another 4,500 words from it, even after doing my assigned work to flesh out this part or beef up this scene, etc. 

There are a few things I'd change now that I've gotten reader feedback, but they're small things and, admittedly, they are things I added after working with my editor.  He might have seen what the readers are seeing and prompted me to make some changes.  Overall?  It was a great experience.  From writing it to editing to criticism to editing to publishing.  That was a decade of my life for a story that's been in my head for nearly 3 decades.  I'm so happy it's out of my head into the hands of people across the country!  And that I'm hearing their theories and their opinions.

The whole experience to this point now is helping me see Confessions in a new light.  Hopefully it'll be a better book for it.  Once it's published, that is.  ^_-

Play that Funky Music!

I love music.  I write, play, and clean to music - heck, in the hospital, I even slept to music!  My tastes run the gamut.  It's difficult for me to say what I like because it changes so frequently.  My husband informed me that I like whiny and flow-y music - like Coldplay or X Ambassadors.  To his credit, Torches was playing at the time on my flash drive (I don't listen to the radio, woe-oh-radio).  Four points to you for catching the reference.

While writing THE ARRIVAL, my playlist changed very little and included mainstream music (like Stone Sour's Through the Glass during Chapter 2 from Eric's POV), classical (Beethoven's Sonatas), Enigma (album MCMXC a.D.) and anime and game soundtracks.  And therein lies another gamut of options:  Bleach, Blood+, Trinity Blood, Hitman (love Jesper Kyd), Martian Successor Nadesico (Dearest during the latter part of Chapter 7), Devil May Cry, Ghost in the Shell, Mirage of Blaze, Monster, Speed Grapher, Witch Hunter Robin, and Texhnolyze.  Just to name a few. 

I mixed and matched based on scene and mood.  Enigma had just released MCMXC a.D. when I had the nightmare/dream series that birthed THE ARRIVAL, so it fit in anywhere (and still does).  It's a safe assumption that readers could loop only Sadeness and Mea Culpa and hear the book's basic soundtrack.  When I write, it's like watching a movie in my head, and movies use music to invoke certain emotions.  My writing style is no different.  Chapters 2, 4, 7, and 14+ required special playlists to keep my mind and the scenes in sync.

With that in mind, some readers have asked about a sequence in the last few chapters.  No spoilers, I promise.  

I did have a short list of certain songs, in a specific order, looped for the scene in question.  Most were classical-esque or opera-y (like Ave Maria sung by Christina England).  However, two were key:  White Room & Main Title by Jesper Kyd (Hitman's OST - game) and Good by my Master by Yoko Kanno (Ghost in the Shell's OST - anime).  If you listen to these two songs during that moment, you'll get it.  ^_-      

It takes a village

I completed my first e-book today (for The Arrival).  I've never used an e-reader, instead preferring my almost maddening addiction to paper books, so I have no idea how it compares to other e-books.  I feel like I rushed it, and partially I know why I feel that way, but I don't really know if it matters.  The bonus illustrations at the end of the paperback gave me quite a bit of trouble and I nearly chose to omit them altogether.  However, I didn't think that fair to the reader, so I figured out a way to include them and must hope that it is good enough, which is not something with which I am usually content.  Before MS and Cancer, and the Stone Soup that makes up my health, I was a perfectionist and a control freak.  I don't know that I am either, any more.  I am barely in control of anything at all, and being a perfectionist requires too much energy, but this project has been so close to my heart, for so long, that I want to produce the best result possible.  I hope I did.  Hence, "it takes a village."

If not for the reader, electronic or analog, books serve no purpose, which reduces authors to nothing beyond our own egos.  Readers make up the bulk of "Team GO BOOK!" with the author falling back to watch the charge and momentum build, like a coach on the sidelines.  (I know!  I just used a sports metaphor.  Correctly.  Go sports!)  Sure, a coach can yell, but the coach isn't playing.  Once the book is out, its success or failure is decided by the reader.  And we authors get to learn from both success and failure.  Yes, we "get to."  It's an honor that anyone would pick up a book and want to read it, even more so if the person is paying for it. 

And so, through comments and reviews, I will learn about my first e-book and where I succeeded, where I failed, and where I landed in the Goldilocks Zone.  The same will happen with the paperback, as well, but I don't have that same anxiety of not knowing with a physical copy.  I own a few books and am happy with the layout, formatting, font, etc - all the technical aspects of something tangible.  I am not at all comfortable with the intangible, especially when I've never seen another e-book for comparison.  Now, the story - that's all subjective. 

Some people will like it and some will hate it.  I can't help that.  I like it and I'm pleased with the end result.  I can't ask for much more than that . . . except for, of course, the reader's enjoyment.  I thought I was the happiest I'd be in this process the moment I received my first physical copy, finally seeing my manuscript, a rough stone, polished into a beautiful gem.  I love it.  But then my friends and family and others appeared, jubilant and excited, and began receiving their copies, and I was even happier!  The excitement is infectious and builds a new anxiety about reception, anticipating those first opinions, comments, thoughts, reviews. 

I look over at my book and I am happy.  To me, it's a success.  It's a huge win out of a decade of trials.  I am excited to see and hear the response.  I am excited to learn from it.  Mostly, right now, while I'm happy to have the e-book out, I am insecure about how it compares to other e-books in format and style, and readability.  These are the reviews from which I will learn the most.  And that is why it takes a village.  Without the reader, I wouldn't learn anything at all.

Hi Neglected Blog!  I'm Back!  ^_^

So much has happened over the last few years that it's hard to imagine life will ever stop spinning.  Out of so many life changing events, it's hard to define the "best" one.  However, I can start with the most exciting - well, to me, that is, of course!  I PUBLISHED MY MANUSCRIPT AT LONG LAST!

"The Arrival" - go here or here and buy one!  Go, now!  I'll wait!

(Hums elevator music for 5 minutes.)

Thank you!

Whether you are new to my neglected blog or blue in the face from waiting for the next post, you can easily tell that I am weird.  That's an undeniable fact.  If you search the blog, I have talked and talked incessantly about my book and characters, and the strange turns writing can take.  I've also used this as a platform to talk about my health.  And sometimes, my cat Neko (rest in peace) would take over my keyboard and rant about Jonny Fang Face.  It's really too sad that we can't enjoy Neko's rants any more.  But, I have 6 others and they are quite opinionated.  So maybe we'll all be in for a treat yet.  ^_-

I am not known for writing short posts, be it here or on Facebook.  However, I shall offer a condensed version of happenings:

I was diagnosed (dx'd) with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 following an ER visit on Friday the 13th.  That seems appropriate.  Many happenings followed.  I had to leave my awesome job in 2014.  I am disabled (and every time I say that, I think of The I.T. Crowd's Roy when he used the disabled toilet...love).  Sometimes my brain just doesn't want to work or communicate with my body.  Some people like to say they walk like a drunk, and that makes me think of Johnny Depp's pirate stagger - but I am nowhere near as elegant and graceful as that.  LOL

2015 was eventful!  I was dx'd with breast cancer and I became a grandmother!  I subsequently beat breast cancer after three surgeries, the last being almost a year ago, and am pushing myself back into the routine of life.  I strive to succeed at least one day a week, but the effect of those surgeries and pain on my MS has made for a slow recovery.  But it is a recovery, and that's important.  My granddaughter turns two soon and is fiercely intelligent, super adorable, and scarily fearless.  This child will be jumping out of planes by the time she is five.  I wish my daughter the best of luck with that.

Time comprehension is difficult for me and I have memory issues, so my health acts as a way point for determining when happenings happened.  Since the last surgery in October 2016, my soul sister passed away unexpectedly, I got really sick and landed my butt in bed for a month, and now I'm here, celebrating my debut novel.  It's not all doom and gloom.  We just tend to focus more on the negative, which I handle the best I can with humor.  So, good things happened - I mean, obviously - I did beat cancer!  And I published my book.  And the sequel is written and has been through extensive edits, so it won't be long to follow.

In addition to finding a semblance of routine in my life through fatigue and the gazillion specialists I see, (you can only LOL - I mean literally, it's the only thing that helps), I shall endeavor to neglect this blog LESS.  I want to share my excitement, my weirdness, my insight into my book and the process, and I want to let my cats rant.  They have to live with me.  I think they've earned it.  But for now, I will close and say thank you for reading this far, and you get, like, . . . 3,000 bonus points if you actually bought my book while I hummed elevator music, because that's just awesome!