Nathan Bransford recently wrote a post on Writing as Catharsis and from the moment I read it, with everything that's been happening, I can't stop thinking about it. I am an author who pulls a lot for my stories from my life. I don't use my writing to cope, necessarily, but in times of crisis, I do pour my emotions into my stories. Some people are talented enough to write about difficult, strong emotions without having experienced them. I can't judge my ability to do that, but I believe I possess a good enough range to pass. That said, I have traveled a difficult road in life and I have much to draw on. Now, I'm not saying that I've had the worst life in the history of life - each person's experience is different and we all face and cope with difficulties as they are presented to us. My honest assessment is that the road I'm on makes me stronger. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. And I take everything as a life lesson, which makes everything open to reinterpretation in my writing.
Readers of my blog are aware of my health issues and my feelings about my cats, but I've kept the rest of my life private. Those who know me personally know what I've gone through, but only those closest to me know everything. And while I'm not a particularly private person, I don't see the need to expose my life for all to see, which would not only put me on display, but also affect other people involved - whether directly or indirectly. It should suffice to know that like many people, I've been hurt and I've recovered to be a better person. I further believe that the hurt makes me a better writer. Not a writer better than someone else, just stronger in my own right. There are no comparisons here.
Backing up to "Writing as Catharsis" for a moment, I did find it helpful to turn my grief into something tangible when David died. Again, there are people out there who will say, "He was just a cat," but he wasn't. He was my best friend. He was always with me. When I left for work, he walked me to the door and when I came home, he was there to greet me. He was my constant companion. If he didn't have my attention, he would throw temper tantrums or glare at the person who had my attention. His passing left a huge void in my life and I took it very, very hard. When I lost him, I lost my best friend - not my cat and not just a member of my family. He could have been human. That is how much it affected me.
The left side of this blog's main page contains pictures, starting with memorial photos (there is a bigger mosaic picture of my cats at the bottom of the blog). The first photo is of David and you can easily note that he died around Christmas. The sudden and rough loss, combined with the most joyous season created a sense of utter devastation. I cried and cried, and cried even more. It's amazing how even when I felt cried out, the tears kept coming in endless supply. The reason I'm focusing on this? Well, first, Neko's recent passing has opened old wounds. As I said in her memorial post, she was my last link to David. But mostly, it's because I did use my writing to cope with David's passing. I turned my tears into words and spent nearly every moment of grief writing scenes in my head, on toilet paper, on napkins, on scratch paper - on anything at all that could hold my thoughts. The result was a scene with powerful emotion, a scene that would have felt flat or empty had I not experienced such pain first hand. The coincidence that I was writing a scene of devastating loss became a horrible situation's silver lining, and now, every time I read that scene, I don't remember my grief - I remember David and give him the credit for the words I see on the page.
Now, unfortunately, I find myself in a writing lull. My focus is on the first manuscript and prepping individualized query letters. I am researching agents and working on my one page synopsis while awaiting a response from the few queries I have out (I'm old fashioned and only do a few at a time). MS #2 is written and ready for the edit and rewrite portion. It contains "David's scene." MS #3 is still in progress, but no scenes yet exist where I can turn my present grief into words. There will be one in later chapters, so maybe I will look ahead and jot down notes, as I did before. But, overall, I don't have the same outlet for Neko as I did with David.
So, as for "Writing as Catharsis," I don't find comfort in my writing. But, I do find comfort in just writing. After all, I've written a memorial post for Neko. Sure I cried while I wrote it, but I also enjoyed replaying her quirks and her personality in my mind, and I loved posting pictures that showed her fun side. I've written a post about my prologue and uncertainties in some of my decisions. And I chose to write this post, furthering a discussion started by Nathan Bransford while also displaying my own vulnerabilities.
I do find writing to be cathartic. For me, writing is a way of sharing my emotions - sharing my life in a subtle way - with people I know and people I don't know. It's a way to release the energy that builds with grief or pain. It is a way to remember the pain and still move forward, and what is more cathartic than moving forward? Standing still to wallow and allowing the pain to consume me isn't healthy or productive, even though it may be the easy way. Life isn't easy. If it was, we would never move. We would never grow. We would never develop. If life was easy, it wouldn't be life and a word like "catharsis" wouldn't exist.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
To Prologue or Not To...
A while back, I made the decision to flesh out my prologue and make it a short chapter one. Expanding the scene worked well, but the extension caused one major issue: chapter seven would now become chapter eight. Chapter seven is named "Communion," containing a twist on the usual religious connotations held within that word. The very meaning and context behind the chapter's title and pivotal scene made it rather important to me to keep the chapter number "seven." Perhaps it was a nit-picky detail, but I call author's prerogative. Seven is an important number in the Christian religion and the Christian religion (as I've tweaked it) plays a rather large role in the story. So...I looked at the previous chapter and decided it was a good candidate for consolidation. Hence, chapter six went away and became the lead into chapter seven. It actually made chapter seven stronger, in my opinion.
I had been conflicted about making this change (prologue vs. first chapter) for some time. I may have mentioned it in previous blogs. Overall, I think I am happier with the scene as a chapter, but the first chapter is really nothing like the rest of the book until the later chapters come along, when the plot opens up and vampiric involvement becomes more evident. The beginning opens on a scene taking place thirteen years prior to the main story, which opens in what is now chapter two. I worry about first impressions based on the new chapter one, when the story deserves to be judged on its main base. I realize that my writing should stand on its own regardless of having a prologue or a first chapter, and the writing does do that; however, writing aside, when it comes to this genre and vampire stories, so much has already been done that innovation is hard to show. Upon first glance, the new first chapter may seem like an average tale, with not much to make it stand apart. However, the story that begins thirteen years later, as told from two perspectives in chapter two proves that this is beyond ordinary or what's been done before.
The true issue then, rests in what agents see when I submit queries, and that has made me want to rethink the prologue vs. first chapter decision. Some only ask for the first five pages. In that case, it doesn't matter what the first section is called. If they ask for the first "x" pages of chapter one, however, it does make a difference. People skip reading prologues all the time, especially when they are misused by the author for the author to just...talk. Even I skip those. I only read prologues that are pertinent to the story and I initially started with a prologue because, while the section is pertinent to the story, it would allow the reader to choose whether or not to read it. Those who chose to read would gain more knowledge of the story and the motivation happening in the background. Those who chose to skip would enter the story without that knowledge, but would eventually gain it throughout their journey through the story. The prologue, as it first existed, merely illustrated a scene that is referenced in a later chapter. It still accomplishes that feat, but in a newly, better formed manner.
Since the scene references something in the mid-to-late chapters, it's a little like peeking ahead without any context about the people, actions, or environment. And I created it that way on purpose, not necessarily to build a sense of intrigue or mystery, but rather to accomplish exactly what I just said. I wanted to give the reader the opportunity to choose their reading experience by how they treated the prologue. The freedom to choose paths against destiny is a theme that arcs throughout my manuscripts, so this was a way for me to bring that element to life for the reader.
Of course, now I've removed that element. By making it the first chapter, I've removed the reader's choice. Who skips the first chapter? And why did I make this decision in the first place? Why am I asking questions?? I chose to make it the first chapter because of the knowledge that prologues are met with mixed feelings from person to person and I wanted to present a solid piece of work without that element muddying a prospective agent's thoughts on the matter.
If I decided to go back to a prologue, I'd have to break up chapter seven again to make the original chapter six stand on its own, and I truly believe that a side effect of the initial decision made a stronger chapter seven. However, the reader has to get that far to enjoy it.
This is just me showing a bit of doubt in my decisions, which I thought was important since so many authors out there may feel the same way and not realize that it happens to others. I question my decision to open the story this way and to change it from a prologue to first chapter. However, I am confident in my story and my ability as a writer, and I try to focus on my readers' feedback. The most recent read through was from someone who had the story years ago, before the prologue even existed. She initially missed the original opening, but then said that as she read on, it made parts of the story more cohesive, and by the end, made the plot and story-telling stronger. The end opinion: she liked the new opening better.
I take from that mixed feelings. I see that the original opening made a better first impression, but the new opening makes for an overall better story. So I guess my indecision will always be there, but I'm happy with the story. I agree that the new opening makes for a better reading experience. I can only hope that an agent sees it that way, too.
I had been conflicted about making this change (prologue vs. first chapter) for some time. I may have mentioned it in previous blogs. Overall, I think I am happier with the scene as a chapter, but the first chapter is really nothing like the rest of the book until the later chapters come along, when the plot opens up and vampiric involvement becomes more evident. The beginning opens on a scene taking place thirteen years prior to the main story, which opens in what is now chapter two. I worry about first impressions based on the new chapter one, when the story deserves to be judged on its main base. I realize that my writing should stand on its own regardless of having a prologue or a first chapter, and the writing does do that; however, writing aside, when it comes to this genre and vampire stories, so much has already been done that innovation is hard to show. Upon first glance, the new first chapter may seem like an average tale, with not much to make it stand apart. However, the story that begins thirteen years later, as told from two perspectives in chapter two proves that this is beyond ordinary or what's been done before.
The true issue then, rests in what agents see when I submit queries, and that has made me want to rethink the prologue vs. first chapter decision. Some only ask for the first five pages. In that case, it doesn't matter what the first section is called. If they ask for the first "x" pages of chapter one, however, it does make a difference. People skip reading prologues all the time, especially when they are misused by the author for the author to just...talk. Even I skip those. I only read prologues that are pertinent to the story and I initially started with a prologue because, while the section is pertinent to the story, it would allow the reader to choose whether or not to read it. Those who chose to read would gain more knowledge of the story and the motivation happening in the background. Those who chose to skip would enter the story without that knowledge, but would eventually gain it throughout their journey through the story. The prologue, as it first existed, merely illustrated a scene that is referenced in a later chapter. It still accomplishes that feat, but in a newly, better formed manner.
Since the scene references something in the mid-to-late chapters, it's a little like peeking ahead without any context about the people, actions, or environment. And I created it that way on purpose, not necessarily to build a sense of intrigue or mystery, but rather to accomplish exactly what I just said. I wanted to give the reader the opportunity to choose their reading experience by how they treated the prologue. The freedom to choose paths against destiny is a theme that arcs throughout my manuscripts, so this was a way for me to bring that element to life for the reader.
Of course, now I've removed that element. By making it the first chapter, I've removed the reader's choice. Who skips the first chapter? And why did I make this decision in the first place? Why am I asking questions??
If I decided to go back to a prologue, I'd have to break up chapter seven again to make the original chapter six stand on its own, and I truly believe that a side effect of the initial decision made a stronger chapter seven. However, the reader has to get that far to enjoy it.
This is just me showing a bit of doubt in my decisions, which I thought was important since so many authors out there may feel the same way and not realize that it happens to others. I question my decision to open the story this way and to change it from a prologue to first chapter. However, I am confident in my story and my ability as a writer, and I try to focus on my readers' feedback. The most recent read through was from someone who had the story years ago, before the prologue even existed. She initially missed the original opening, but then said that as she read on, it made parts of the story more cohesive, and by the end, made the plot and story-telling stronger. The end opinion: she liked the new opening better.
I take from that mixed feelings. I see that the original opening made a better first impression, but the new opening makes for an overall better story. So I guess my indecision will always be there, but I'm happy with the story. I agree that the new opening makes for a better reading experience. I can only hope that an agent sees it that way, too.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Sweet Neko-Chan. Damn FIP.
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| Neko 7/09/03-10/16/12 |
Four or five days later, we drove off for vacation leaving Neko in my father-in-law's capable hands. She was his little buddy, so instead of boarding her as planned, we worked it out so she could stay home and visit with him. We felt guilty for continuing on with our vacation, but she truly seemed to be doing well. She even joined Lucien's passive protest at our departure. She said goodbye to us at the door and off we went. It was a trip of relaxation, something "prescribed" by my doctor to help me unwind with my MS, and also a good-bye trip of its own since our favorite B&B is closing in December - it was our last chance to go. Mid-way through, we received notice that Neko had stopped eating and had been taken back to the hospital.
I am thoroughly grateful for my father-in-law's diligence and care. Without such loving attention, Neko may have endured more suffering. (I'm not saying we would have missed it; just that had we not had someone staying in our home during our absence, it might have gone unnoticed.) She stayed at the hospital until October 16.
Throughout her stays at the hospital, I called once or twice daily to check in on her and we visited with her regularly. On our October 15th visit, we both realized all hope for her recovery was quickly slipping from our sight, but we still hoped. She was happy to see us, but lethargic and uncomfortable.
On October 16th, my fears were confirmed. Her slow downward spiral had sped up. All of her vets and techs were absolutely wonderful and caring, and in the conversation when her main doctor said I should prepare myself to euthanize Neko, she also stated that Neko had looked like she needed to snuggle, so she had tried to cuddle with her but Neko was in too much pain and cried. The sentiment in the action and the doctor's voice really warmed my heart. She cared that much, and that's the kind of care and empathy we received from everyone. We planned to euthanize Neko during our visit that evening. Unfortunately, Neko's pain grew worse during the day and I received a call at 2:45pm that I needed to get there as soon as possible. My husband and I got there shortly after 3 and spent about twenty minutes visiting with her while the initial sedation kicked in. Even in her pain, Neko was glad to see us. She grasped the end of the table and pulled herself closer to us, even placing her paw on my hand - a moving gesture that was very much Neko. She loved to touch us and would frequently set one paw on our shoulders when she slept behind us on the recliner or sofa. We moved forward with euthanizing her as swiftly as we could despite our desire to put off our pain - her comfort and well-being came first.
Her heart stopped around 3:30pm. We spent more time with her afterward than we got to spend with her beforehand. I couldn't believe it was happening - that it had happened. My sweet little girl, my baby Neko was gone. I cradled her head and body to my chest and buried my face in her fur, sobbing and crying her name. She was more than a cat - more than a pet. We met her before her eyes were even open. We visited her weekly as a baby before we ever brought her home. And when she came home, she became David's surrogate daughter, which made her our last link to him. Neko was a special girl.
She was smart, quirky, and loving. Her first Christmas forced us to rethink the positioning of the cats' stocking because she kept thinking of and finding ways to get into the stocking to get the feather teaser we had purchased. If life had been a cartoon, the artist would have drawn the gears turning in her head, and we could practically see those thoughts and plans churning away...'if I jump there...and then jump there...
She loved Davey Pu as much as we did and mourned his loss. For a long time after his death, she was lost and lonely, left on her own to find her new path. She took to Lucien, but not like she did with David. She was forever changed. Then came Jonny. She may have hated him at first, but they grew close and now Jonny is the lost one, lonely and missing his cuddle friend. And then we got Groucho and she took to him, as well. We have so many pictures of these piles of cats, just sleeping on top of each other, because Neko finally had more good friends. Those four were so close, even Sake became more sociable and appeared in many of those pictures (not in the pile, of course - she's far too refined for such a thing).
But now, once again, we have lost a special member of our family, and instead of a pile of cats, sleeping happily together, we have four cats scattered around the house in search of their friend. While she may have missed David, the glue of our original five, she also stepped up and took his place, becoming the tie that would bind a new group.
We had Neko for all but a few weeks of her nine-year life. As I said, she was always there - always sleeping on or near us, and if she was close to us, she had to touch us. She liked to yank out my hair and bite Tim's chin. When she felt like no one was paying attention to her, she would pick up a toy mouse in the opposite end of the house and muffle a cry out loud until someone came to play with her. She would play fetch with her mice, actually chasing them down and bringing them back. She loved to go outside, to the point that she knew what the word "outside" meant.
"Does Neko want to go outside?" would bring her running to the door, where she would wait to be picked up and taken to her favorite place because when she was a baby, I started this "tradition" of putting her up on my shoulder so we could go outside and feed the birds and squirrels. She'd get comfortable on my shoulder and hang on while I poured bags of seed, and this tradition continued even as she grew bigger - too big to sit on my shoulder. She would crawl her way up and wrap herself around my neck like a fur stole, and out we'd go. Then she got even bigger, weighing at her heaviest probably 19 pounds (thanks to her diet, she got down to a little over 16 pounds - we were worried she'd get diabetes :-/). Yet even then, we'd continue our ventures. She'd try to get up on my shoulder, but had to settle for being held. Sometimes she would get to go down - onto an outside table or bench or swing, where she would stay and wait for me - and I'd pick long blades of grass for her to chew. She loved grass so much that I learned the hard way to keep my fingers out of the way when she was going after grass!
Neko loved many things, especially Christmas, probably stemming back to her first Christmas. She knew she was going to get toys and we have many a picture of her (and other cats) passed out on Christmas morning after playing with their catnip and all their toys. Yes. Neko was filled with love for all things...even Jonny-fang face (and blogging...she was known to "kick" me off the keyboard to make her word known).
She was love epitomized, unconditional and unequivocal, and she was loved unconditionally and unequivocally. I miss my sweet little girl. I miss her dearly. Tim has found some comfort that she is no longer suffering, and while I, too, am glad she is no longer in pain, I cannot find such comfort. My pain is more selfish. My little girl is never coming home and that crushes my soul. I never thought I'd feel the pain I felt after David died, but I was wrong. It's too easy for my mind to trick me into thinking she's still at the hospital, but I have to face the truth. Neko had FIP (feline infectious peritonitis), a lethal infection born from a dormant virus residing in most cats that "mutates into something ugly," as my vet said, and something that is incredibly difficult to test for. Even facing death and with undeniable symptoms, the tests came back negative. "Ugly" does not begin to define the disease.
According to the ASPCA website, it is fatal in 95% of cases and cats who contract it generally die within 2 months of symptom onset. My Neko fought for nearly four weeks. My Neko received the best care she could get and had loving doctors and techs. My Neko was a brave little girl who faced everything thrown her way with a curious eye no matter what and was loved by everyone who met her. Even in pain, she was in everybody's business, demanding her share of their attention in her sweet, yet assertive way. Even if she was tired or weak, she pulled herself closer to the people she loved and reached out to touch them. That is one of the fondest and saddest memories I'll have of her.
She comforted me in many times of need, climbing into my lap and purring while my tears dripped onto her body. I hope I was able to comfort her in her time of need, but that little gesture, her little paw reaching out and gripping my thumb, was like her way of telling me it was okay. Letting us know that she was going to be okay. I know she is okay. She is with David, again, after all.
People exist in this world who won't understand this post, but people also exist who will empathize because they grieve the loss of their own furry family members. Our cats are our family. They are our friends. They are the beings in little fur coats who hear about our days and spend their time with us because we love them as family. But every once in a while, one of those little beings is extra special and touches us in ways we could never imagine. David was the first. Neko unexpectedly followed in his place. I still mourn for David. I know I will still grieve for Neko years from now. My sweet koneko-chan is no longer with us in body, but she will always live on my heart and my memories. And it's those memories that will make me laugh and cry as the years without her pass.
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| Neko pretending to be Kuro Neko (the "black cat" in Trigun) while sitting on my MS |
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| Neko, the witch, her first Halloween |
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| Neko and Groucho passed out Christmas morning 2010 |
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| Neko discovering the joys of Pocky |
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| Baby Neko and Father Davey Pu |
Monday, October 1, 2012
HP Pavilion M6 Review....Long Review...With Links!
I'm an I.T. tech, so it's probably expected that this review will be all techy-geeky and talking about overclock speeds, but at home, I'm just me, so it won't be. I was going to say that I'm just a normal person, but, well, that'd be a lie. ^_- So let's jump into my only major gripe and then get to the nitty gritty.
I use my laptop mostly for two things: music and writing. Well, HP's latest hook is Beats Audio. If they paid money or entered into a contract with Beats, that a stupid move on HP's part. It always takes me awhile to get the equalizer just perfect for Windows Media Player due to the range of genres I like. (Equalizer frequencies: bass = 20-140hz, mid bass = 140-400 hz, mid range = 400 hz-2.66khz, upper mid = 2.6-5.2 khz, high range = 5.2-20khz - an excellent link.) I once wrote my perfect settings in a text file...well, said text file has been lost to the ages. You'd think I'd write them down again. Anyway, the addition of Beats Audio complicates the matter with its ability to take over the sound options in the control panel, its own bass/treble/etc settings, and its own equalizer. So, first, I have to say that before I got too into messing with the sound on a previously purchased HP Pavilion DV7, which was returned for being a lemon, I was not impressed with the (DV7) laptop's speakers, but I did find a decent experience by using the Beats in-ear preset with headphones. HOWEVER, while the M6 is not the DV7, it still suffers from tinny sounding speakers, and Beats Audio muddied everything. After some research (no links, sorry, Google it), I've learned that disabling Beats and using the player's default equalizer is the way to go (and I agree). The thing about Beats is that it inherently turns the sound panel's bass all the way down and the treble all the way up, so when you disable it, you have to go into the Sound Panel and change this. I also read that Beats has a way of re-enabling itself, so I disallowed applications from taking control over the device (it's a check box on the advanced tab). I don't know if this will prevent Beats from resetting my bass and treble settings, should it re-enable itself, but it seems like it should. Since I primarily listen through the speakers, I have not tried it with earphones. Windows Media Player's equalizer has helped with the tinniness, but I still prefer the speakers and sound on my old HP Pavilion DV6. My test list of mp3s included (among many others): Sail by Awolnation, Resolve by Nathan Lanier, Where the Light Gets In by Sennen, On the Nature of Daylight by Max Richter, Drive It Like You Stole & Between Two Points (Feat. Swan) by The Glitch Mob, Cryosleep by Cyberoptics, several District 78 remixes, several songs by Olafur Arnalds, Over & Believe & Add This Song by Gus Gus, and songs that I ripped off of Youtube from LowB - Compassion, Inward Outburst, Consecration, and Digital Stonehenge.
Regarding the Youtube rips - the LowB cd isn't available domestically and after an email to Andy Barlow (LowB) , I learned it is set for release in January. I will buy it then, because it is awesome (it's available through New Zealand iTunes...but you have to live in New Zealand to download it...>_<). Google it or check out this link - he has samples of and recording notes about the album's songs. Also regarding the Youtube rips, the sound quality just sucks. There's always a hollowness to them that is more or less prevalent depending on the device with which you are listening. On the M6, with the settings I chose, it's there, but the songs do blend into the playlist better than they do in my car, where the quality difference is very noticeable.
SO - the sound is ok. It doesn't get very loud through Windows Media Player, but Youtube videos play much louder, and songs played in Audacity are louder. There are bound to be differences in software and this is still a laptop. I'm just contented enough with WMP to put off dabbling with other players like WinAmp. It meets my needs (background music for my writing).
On to the M6 itself then. This is by no means an endorsement for Best Buy, but they have a decent listing for the specs. As I said in a previous post, the M6 is replacing the DV6 - with the next generation of Intel Processors comes the next generation of HP Pavilion laptops. Similarly, the M7 is replacing the DV7. The biggest draw for the M6 is the 3rd Gen Intel i5 quad core processor (Ivy Bridge). PC World reviewed the 3rd gen processors in several articles: preview (US) & reviewed (AU). The first preview I read (not linked) discussed the physical architecture of the processors - the transistors and number of nanometers, for instance - and the changes that make these little chips swing such a big punch had me anxious to get my hands on one. I pushed the i5 hard last night, transferring files from my old computer over than LAN and Wireless connections, installing software, moving local files around, changing preferences, going online, etc all at once. While I watched the CPU usage in the Task Manager and saw all four windows squiggly away, showing the quad core hard at work, I expected the system to slow down. There was no lag whatsoever. Granted, my DV6 is at 4 or 5 years old, but it would have been protesting. The i5 knocked the tasks out like they were nothing. I'm in love.
I hit a moment of disappoint when a low memory warning popped up. Now - I don't even get those on my DV6, so I was really surprised to see it on the M6, which comes with 8gb DDR3 (you can expand it to 16gb). At the time, I was only transferring files, so I opened the task manager and saw two HP Assistants running in the background - they had my memory usage up in the 7-8 gb range! Needless to say, I ended the HP processes and my memory usage dropped down to around 2.6 gb range. I have yet to decide what HP features I'm going to keep, but that was a strong motivation to start uninstalling or disabling a few more things. On a new computer, with feature like this, it was highly disappointing to see HP's own software hogging all the resources and to that extent.
The hard drive is a regular 750 gb (this one does not come with a solid state drive or partition to aid in a faster boot) and runs at 5400rpm (I'm fine with that - 7200rpm generates more heat, even if it is faster). Between my files and the software I've installed, I've used 152gb of the available 677 gb of allotted disk space. 20.9 gb is set aside for the recovery partition. The boot itself takes less than 30 seconds and is actually faster straight from the box. I've modified the BIOS to allow for extra time to hit hotkeys, should I need to. The BIOS is very simplistic and doesn't offer many choices, unlike other laptops I've seen (such as Samsung's new ultrabook - that thing has a bevy of options in its BIOS).
It has four USB ports, three of which are USB 3.0, and two of which are charging USB ports (both on the right side). In the aforementioned Samsung, the charging status can be disabled in the BIOS, but on the M6, I have yet to determine if this can be disabled. If you are unfamiliar with charging USB ports, they remain power-enabled so that devices, such as a phones or MP3 players, can be charged via the USB Ports even when the laptop is turned off. I see where this could be very useful, but I'd like a way to turn it off because anything that is plugged into those two ports will remain powered on. For instance, I plug a chill pad into one of the right-side ports. The chill pad stays on after the laptop is shut off. Luckily for me, my chill pad has an on/off switch, so I'm not constantly plugging and unplugging the thing, which risks damage to the port. Both ports on the left side are 3.0 and are non-charging ports. Other manufacturers (such as Samsung) use blue plastic in the 3.0 ports to differentiate them from 2.0 ports. HP does not. The 3.0's are marked by "ss" next to the USB symbol. The media card reader is located on the front, to the left. There is also an HDMI port on the left side.
HP provides manuals on their website for the M6. The User Guide is just what it is says and provides a detailed diagram of the M6's external specs. In the event that you need or want more in-depth coverage, a Maintenance and Service Guide is also available.
The M6 comes with Bluetooth and connects easily with Bluetooth-enabled devices. I've worked with laptops enabled with Bluetooth at work, but it's a feature that is always disabled for security reasons, so this is the first time I've gotten to play with it. It's pretty cool - my husband and I played around with connecting his phone (we both have the Droid Razr) because he downloaded a tethering app and wanted to see how it worked. By using Bluetooth to connect to his phone and then using the tethering app, we could be in the middle of nowhere and still access the Internet (provided we had cell service, of course). It's nifty. I should note that there is a spot in the myriad of the OS's preferences where you need to enable other Bluetooth devices to see the M6. I ran into some trouble getting my PS3 to see it as a media center and I don't know if that caused interference or not (the biggest culprit was Kaspersky 2013, which comes with a built-in firewall - for any PS3 users out there who get the M6 and Kaspersky 2013, this firewall must be turned off while trying to connect to the PS3).
Every step forward in technology presents us with more OPTIONS. The Synaptics Touchpad, once a difficult feature to find to change any settings at all (I'm not speaking ill of my current DV6, but my previous DV6), now has plenty of options for users to configure. You can pinch zoom or rotate photos, set multi-finger gestures, choose the type of scrolling you want to use, set options for pointing, tapping, the buttons, etc. It also comes with more power options than I had with my DV6. Before I focused mainly on changing what happens when I close the lid and adjusting the low and critical battery levels. The options go far beyond that and one thing I discovered is the wireless adapter power settings. I had read reviews for other pcs where reviewers wrote about losing or having limited wireless connectivity once they pulled the plug and went on battery power. Well - there is a setting for that and the default (on the M6 anyway) for the battery is to preserve power, not to maximize performance. So that's something to tinker with if you find that to be a problem. All of the battery settings are defaulted to conserve power for battery life and can be modified based on your preferences (as can the settings for when the laptop is plugged in).
Even though the M6 is only about an inch thick, it does come with an optical drive. I would have liked a Blu-ray drive, but that wasn't an option, and neither was Light Scribe. I use Light Scribe rarely on my DV6, so it's not a big deal to me, but it also would have been nice to have. The M6 is lighter than my DV6 and easy to carry around. HP added a textured strip near the hinge on the lid - a nice touch aimed at preventing the laptop from slipping through your hand. There is no lighted HP logo on the lid.
A feature growing in popularity - the backlit keyboard - is a feature of the M6, and one that can thankfully be turned off (toggle F5 or FN + F5 depending on how you have the keyboard configured). My husband prefers backlit keys; I find them distracting when I'm trying to write in the dark or by candlelight. The Wireless is toggled by pressing F12 or FN+ F12. A small white light on the key indicates when it is on. Similarly, a small white light indicates when the Caps Lock key is turned on. The DV7 that I returned had a similar display and I noted that the lights were too bright and distracting. I used dots of electrical tape to cover them. On the M6, however, they are softly lit and, for the most part, unnoticeable.
I haven't played with the webcam, so I can't say anything about that. The display is fine, if not a bit angle-sensitive on the vertical. There is some obvious dimming when looking from a right or left angle, but when viewing too steep up or down, the screen is dim and/or faint, and what I notice most is black text against a white background appearing grey and hard to read. So having a perfect line-of-sight viewing angle is crucial for your eyesight. I have the M6 set up with an extended dual monitor display via VGA, with my secondary monitor being an old portrait style Samsung. Given that my primary task is writing, I tend to use my secondary display more than the laptop display. It may just be me, but it appears that the M6's glossy screen is less reflective than my previous DV6s. Maybe I just haven't used it in a very reflective environment yet - but the glossy screen on my DV6 seemed to reflect everything and I have yet to notice it on the M6 (I could be used to it by now, too - who knows?). At times I've noticed that the laptop display seems a bit washed out by comparison to my secondary display, but that's not a fair comparison (the Samsung has a matte screen and has to be nearly 10-years old, but it has a crisp display, which, again, makes it perfect for writing). The viewing angle could have a lot do with that, as well - I can't tilt the Samsung, but I close my laptop every night, so the viewing angle is always changing from one use to another.
The M6 comes with Windows 7 Home Premium, 64-bit, which I upgraded to Professional for the additional computer management options and the ability to run a virtual pc, if I choose to down the road. It comes with little actual software, other than Norton, Adobe Reader X, a ton of HP-related programs, and some bloatware. Norton is no longer the beast it used to be to uninstall and the rest of the bloatware is easy to uninstall or delete (web-links). The hardest part is to decide which, if any, of HP's programs you want to keep. As I've found already, they can be quite resource intensive and I have yet to see what the pay off is in keeping them. I did keep the HP Tune Up on my DV6, which froze my computer for a second or two every time it opened, and I rarely used it. Many people in my shoes would most likely wipe the hdd with a fresh install of Windows 7, which was my initial intention until I saw how little there was to uninstall (HP products withstanding). So, for now, I'm moving forward with the system as it came to me instead of a clean install.
I've been running the M6 all day now, with a chill pad, but there's only one warm spot (slightly warm) - to the left of the touchpad. The internal fans have not kicked into high gear once during this use. They did kick up one time when I was using the laptop in bed without adequate ventilation for the vents and fans on the underside. Once I made an adjustment, the fan went back into normal mode and I haven't had any issues since then. My DV6's fans come on the second Kaspersky starts a scan (it needs a RAM upgrade so badly). But that, too, is an unfair comparison. The 3rd gen processors are designed to run cooler, so I'm really not surprised.
I don't have many gripes, other than the sound and Beats Audio, but I don't like the keyboard. It still has the number pad, which is awesome, but HP squished the arrow keys together. I'm a shortcut key fanatic, so hitting ctrl+arrow over or up/down is annoying now because I'm always hitting the wrong key. In my home office set up, I use a USB keyboard and mouse, so it's really not that big of any issue, but when I'm traveling or outside, it's annoying. Overall, setting this pc up has been much simpler (even with more options) than previous endeavors and the file transfer went smoothly (as noted earlier, I used a cross over cat 5 cable to connect the two via the LAN port - which needs to be configured if used - and the wireless adapter via our Homegroup sharing setup). I created a cab file for my custom theme so I could easily transfer it from the Dv6 to the M6 and copied over my roaming and local files pertinent to my installation of Microsoft office, so setting Word up was a breeze because my preferences were already mostly loaded (I had to change a few options and tweak the grammar and style checker). The M6 comes with a trial for MS Office 2010, but you must buy the activation code separately. I'm pretty old school when it comes to Office and am still using 2003. It meets my needs. I also installed a plethora of Cannon software and drivers for my Digital SLR camera, which the M6 handled with ease. The aging DV6 didn't take these installs quite as seamlessly or as quickly. I popped the first disc (yes, disc) in and set the install to go, and then went off to do a few things, because the installs had taken forever on the DV6. Not so with the M6. It took minutes to mere seconds, depending on the installation. This thing is truly powerful. I had all the installs off the discs and the downloaded upgrades done in less than 10-minutes. Remarkable.
I've already used the M6 to set up a VPN connection to work, which went so much better and smoother than it does on my DV6. I was able to backdoor my work pc with very little delay (I still have to wait on the connection and security permissions to pass) and was able to browse through my hdd files much swifter than before. My Remote Desktop Connection also connected quicker and popped up without any lag. I'm thrilled with this because my work pc is an HP desktop with four monitors, which can be stressful on a remote connection. But again, the M6 handled it with ease.
I'm probably more excited about the 3rd gen i5 processor than the laptop, itself, but so far, I have no major complaints and even the miniscule ones can be swatted away as nothing once everything is worked out. Overall, this is a solid laptop and good for the money. It's not on the cheap end of laptops (not on the super expensive side either), and when it comes to computers, you get what you pay for. I still believe that even though I had a negative experience with the DV7 (which had a Sandy Bridge i7 and cost a little more than what I paid for the M6). At that time, HP Support was courteous and tried to be helpful, but since I was within the return period, I chose to return it. I like HP computers and laptops, and have always found HP Support to a good avenue for help when needed. For instance, my previous DV6 had a motherboard recall and was experiencing some other problems caused by a moron (not me or my husband) who tried to blow it up and blew one USB port (there were sparks and smoke), destroyed the speakers, and affected the display. HP took really good care of me then (although I did get lucky that there was already a recall on the motherboard).
And so, now that I'm at the end of this lengthy post, I've hit a string quartet composition that sounds lovely despite my gripes about the sound. The violins sound perfect and crisp, and I'm hearing notes to the song that I hadn't noticed before. So maybe the speakers aren't as bad as I thought...we'll see. Maybe my perfect equalizer settings just favor classical music. ^_-
PS. Please forgive any typos. And yay! For once I stayed on topic the whole time! (mostly)
Follow Up Review Here
I use my laptop mostly for two things: music and writing. Well, HP's latest hook is Beats Audio. If they paid money or entered into a contract with Beats, that a stupid move on HP's part. It always takes me awhile to get the equalizer just perfect for Windows Media Player due to the range of genres I like. (Equalizer frequencies: bass = 20-140hz, mid bass = 140-400 hz, mid range = 400 hz-2.66khz, upper mid = 2.6-5.2 khz, high range = 5.2-20khz - an excellent link.) I once wrote my perfect settings in a text file...well, said text file has been lost to the ages. You'd think I'd write them down again. Anyway, the addition of Beats Audio complicates the matter with its ability to take over the sound options in the control panel, its own bass/treble/etc settings, and its own equalizer. So, first, I have to say that before I got too into messing with the sound on a previously purchased HP Pavilion DV7, which was returned for being a lemon, I was not impressed with the (DV7) laptop's speakers, but I did find a decent experience by using the Beats in-ear preset with headphones. HOWEVER, while the M6 is not the DV7, it still suffers from tinny sounding speakers, and Beats Audio muddied everything. After some research (no links, sorry, Google it), I've learned that disabling Beats and using the player's default equalizer is the way to go (and I agree). The thing about Beats is that it inherently turns the sound panel's bass all the way down and the treble all the way up, so when you disable it, you have to go into the Sound Panel and change this. I also read that Beats has a way of re-enabling itself, so I disallowed applications from taking control over the device (it's a check box on the advanced tab). I don't know if this will prevent Beats from resetting my bass and treble settings, should it re-enable itself, but it seems like it should. Since I primarily listen through the speakers, I have not tried it with earphones. Windows Media Player's equalizer has helped with the tinniness, but I still prefer the speakers and sound on my old HP Pavilion DV6. My test list of mp3s included (among many others): Sail by Awolnation, Resolve by Nathan Lanier, Where the Light Gets In by Sennen, On the Nature of Daylight by Max Richter, Drive It Like You Stole & Between Two Points (Feat. Swan) by The Glitch Mob, Cryosleep by Cyberoptics, several District 78 remixes, several songs by Olafur Arnalds, Over & Believe & Add This Song by Gus Gus, and songs that I ripped off of Youtube from LowB - Compassion, Inward Outburst, Consecration, and Digital Stonehenge.
Regarding the Youtube rips - the LowB cd isn't available domestically and after an email to Andy Barlow (LowB) , I learned it is set for release in January. I will buy it then, because it is awesome (it's available through New Zealand iTunes...but you have to live in New Zealand to download it...>_<). Google it or check out this link - he has samples of and recording notes about the album's songs. Also regarding the Youtube rips, the sound quality just sucks. There's always a hollowness to them that is more or less prevalent depending on the device with which you are listening. On the M6, with the settings I chose, it's there, but the songs do blend into the playlist better than they do in my car, where the quality difference is very noticeable.
SO - the sound is ok. It doesn't get very loud through Windows Media Player, but Youtube videos play much louder, and songs played in Audacity are louder. There are bound to be differences in software and this is still a laptop. I'm just contented enough with WMP to put off dabbling with other players like WinAmp. It meets my needs (background music for my writing).
On to the M6 itself then. This is by no means an endorsement for Best Buy, but they have a decent listing for the specs. As I said in a previous post, the M6 is replacing the DV6 - with the next generation of Intel Processors comes the next generation of HP Pavilion laptops. Similarly, the M7 is replacing the DV7. The biggest draw for the M6 is the 3rd Gen Intel i5 quad core processor (Ivy Bridge). PC World reviewed the 3rd gen processors in several articles: preview (US) & reviewed (AU). The first preview I read (not linked) discussed the physical architecture of the processors - the transistors and number of nanometers, for instance - and the changes that make these little chips swing such a big punch had me anxious to get my hands on one. I pushed the i5 hard last night, transferring files from my old computer over than LAN and Wireless connections, installing software, moving local files around, changing preferences, going online, etc all at once. While I watched the CPU usage in the Task Manager and saw all four windows squiggly away, showing the quad core hard at work, I expected the system to slow down. There was no lag whatsoever. Granted, my DV6 is at 4 or 5 years old, but it would have been protesting. The i5 knocked the tasks out like they were nothing. I'm in love.
I hit a moment of disappoint when a low memory warning popped up. Now - I don't even get those on my DV6, so I was really surprised to see it on the M6, which comes with 8gb DDR3 (you can expand it to 16gb). At the time, I was only transferring files, so I opened the task manager and saw two HP Assistants running in the background - they had my memory usage up in the 7-8 gb range! Needless to say, I ended the HP processes and my memory usage dropped down to around 2.6 gb range. I have yet to decide what HP features I'm going to keep, but that was a strong motivation to start uninstalling or disabling a few more things. On a new computer, with feature like this, it was highly disappointing to see HP's own software hogging all the resources and to that extent.
The hard drive is a regular 750 gb (this one does not come with a solid state drive or partition to aid in a faster boot) and runs at 5400rpm (I'm fine with that - 7200rpm generates more heat, even if it is faster). Between my files and the software I've installed, I've used 152gb of the available 677 gb of allotted disk space. 20.9 gb is set aside for the recovery partition. The boot itself takes less than 30 seconds and is actually faster straight from the box. I've modified the BIOS to allow for extra time to hit hotkeys, should I need to. The BIOS is very simplistic and doesn't offer many choices, unlike other laptops I've seen (such as Samsung's new ultrabook - that thing has a bevy of options in its BIOS).
It has four USB ports, three of which are USB 3.0, and two of which are charging USB ports (both on the right side). In the aforementioned Samsung, the charging status can be disabled in the BIOS, but on the M6, I have yet to determine if this can be disabled. If you are unfamiliar with charging USB ports, they remain power-enabled so that devices, such as a phones or MP3 players, can be charged via the USB Ports even when the laptop is turned off. I see where this could be very useful, but I'd like a way to turn it off because anything that is plugged into those two ports will remain powered on. For instance, I plug a chill pad into one of the right-side ports. The chill pad stays on after the laptop is shut off. Luckily for me, my chill pad has an on/off switch, so I'm not constantly plugging and unplugging the thing, which risks damage to the port. Both ports on the left side are 3.0 and are non-charging ports. Other manufacturers (such as Samsung) use blue plastic in the 3.0 ports to differentiate them from 2.0 ports. HP does not. The 3.0's are marked by "ss" next to the USB symbol. The media card reader is located on the front, to the left. There is also an HDMI port on the left side.
HP provides manuals on their website for the M6. The User Guide is just what it is says and provides a detailed diagram of the M6's external specs. In the event that you need or want more in-depth coverage, a Maintenance and Service Guide is also available.
The M6 comes with Bluetooth and connects easily with Bluetooth-enabled devices. I've worked with laptops enabled with Bluetooth at work, but it's a feature that is always disabled for security reasons, so this is the first time I've gotten to play with it. It's pretty cool - my husband and I played around with connecting his phone (we both have the Droid Razr) because he downloaded a tethering app and wanted to see how it worked. By using Bluetooth to connect to his phone and then using the tethering app, we could be in the middle of nowhere and still access the Internet (provided we had cell service, of course). It's nifty. I should note that there is a spot in the myriad of the OS's preferences where you need to enable other Bluetooth devices to see the M6. I ran into some trouble getting my PS3 to see it as a media center and I don't know if that caused interference or not (the biggest culprit was Kaspersky 2013, which comes with a built-in firewall - for any PS3 users out there who get the M6 and Kaspersky 2013, this firewall must be turned off while trying to connect to the PS3).
Every step forward in technology presents us with more OPTIONS. The Synaptics Touchpad, once a difficult feature to find to change any settings at all (I'm not speaking ill of my current DV6, but my previous DV6), now has plenty of options for users to configure. You can pinch zoom or rotate photos, set multi-finger gestures, choose the type of scrolling you want to use, set options for pointing, tapping, the buttons, etc. It also comes with more power options than I had with my DV6. Before I focused mainly on changing what happens when I close the lid and adjusting the low and critical battery levels. The options go far beyond that and one thing I discovered is the wireless adapter power settings. I had read reviews for other pcs where reviewers wrote about losing or having limited wireless connectivity once they pulled the plug and went on battery power. Well - there is a setting for that and the default (on the M6 anyway) for the battery is to preserve power, not to maximize performance. So that's something to tinker with if you find that to be a problem. All of the battery settings are defaulted to conserve power for battery life and can be modified based on your preferences (as can the settings for when the laptop is plugged in).
Even though the M6 is only about an inch thick, it does come with an optical drive. I would have liked a Blu-ray drive, but that wasn't an option, and neither was Light Scribe. I use Light Scribe rarely on my DV6, so it's not a big deal to me, but it also would have been nice to have. The M6 is lighter than my DV6 and easy to carry around. HP added a textured strip near the hinge on the lid - a nice touch aimed at preventing the laptop from slipping through your hand. There is no lighted HP logo on the lid.
A feature growing in popularity - the backlit keyboard - is a feature of the M6, and one that can thankfully be turned off (toggle F5 or FN + F5 depending on how you have the keyboard configured). My husband prefers backlit keys; I find them distracting when I'm trying to write in the dark or by candlelight. The Wireless is toggled by pressing F12 or FN+ F12. A small white light on the key indicates when it is on. Similarly, a small white light indicates when the Caps Lock key is turned on. The DV7 that I returned had a similar display and I noted that the lights were too bright and distracting. I used dots of electrical tape to cover them. On the M6, however, they are softly lit and, for the most part, unnoticeable.
I haven't played with the webcam, so I can't say anything about that. The display is fine, if not a bit angle-sensitive on the vertical. There is some obvious dimming when looking from a right or left angle, but when viewing too steep up or down, the screen is dim and/or faint, and what I notice most is black text against a white background appearing grey and hard to read. So having a perfect line-of-sight viewing angle is crucial for your eyesight. I have the M6 set up with an extended dual monitor display via VGA, with my secondary monitor being an old portrait style Samsung. Given that my primary task is writing, I tend to use my secondary display more than the laptop display. It may just be me, but it appears that the M6's glossy screen is less reflective than my previous DV6s. Maybe I just haven't used it in a very reflective environment yet - but the glossy screen on my DV6 seemed to reflect everything and I have yet to notice it on the M6 (I could be used to it by now, too - who knows?). At times I've noticed that the laptop display seems a bit washed out by comparison to my secondary display, but that's not a fair comparison (the Samsung has a matte screen and has to be nearly 10-years old, but it has a crisp display, which, again, makes it perfect for writing). The viewing angle could have a lot do with that, as well - I can't tilt the Samsung, but I close my laptop every night, so the viewing angle is always changing from one use to another.
The M6 comes with Windows 7 Home Premium, 64-bit, which I upgraded to Professional for the additional computer management options and the ability to run a virtual pc, if I choose to down the road. It comes with little actual software, other than Norton, Adobe Reader X, a ton of HP-related programs, and some bloatware. Norton is no longer the beast it used to be to uninstall and the rest of the bloatware is easy to uninstall or delete (web-links). The hardest part is to decide which, if any, of HP's programs you want to keep. As I've found already, they can be quite resource intensive and I have yet to see what the pay off is in keeping them. I did keep the HP Tune Up on my DV6, which froze my computer for a second or two every time it opened, and I rarely used it. Many people in my shoes would most likely wipe the hdd with a fresh install of Windows 7, which was my initial intention until I saw how little there was to uninstall (HP products withstanding). So, for now, I'm moving forward with the system as it came to me instead of a clean install.
I've been running the M6 all day now, with a chill pad, but there's only one warm spot (slightly warm) - to the left of the touchpad. The internal fans have not kicked into high gear once during this use. They did kick up one time when I was using the laptop in bed without adequate ventilation for the vents and fans on the underside. Once I made an adjustment, the fan went back into normal mode and I haven't had any issues since then. My DV6's fans come on the second Kaspersky starts a scan (it needs a RAM upgrade so badly). But that, too, is an unfair comparison. The 3rd gen processors are designed to run cooler, so I'm really not surprised.
I don't have many gripes, other than the sound and Beats Audio, but I don't like the keyboard. It still has the number pad, which is awesome, but HP squished the arrow keys together. I'm a shortcut key fanatic, so hitting ctrl+arrow over or up/down is annoying now because I'm always hitting the wrong key. In my home office set up, I use a USB keyboard and mouse, so it's really not that big of any issue, but when I'm traveling or outside, it's annoying. Overall, setting this pc up has been much simpler (even with more options) than previous endeavors and the file transfer went smoothly (as noted earlier, I used a cross over cat 5 cable to connect the two via the LAN port - which needs to be configured if used - and the wireless adapter via our Homegroup sharing setup). I created a cab file for my custom theme so I could easily transfer it from the Dv6 to the M6 and copied over my roaming and local files pertinent to my installation of Microsoft office, so setting Word up was a breeze because my preferences were already mostly loaded (I had to change a few options and tweak the grammar and style checker). The M6 comes with a trial for MS Office 2010, but you must buy the activation code separately. I'm pretty old school when it comes to Office and am still using 2003. It meets my needs. I also installed a plethora of Cannon software and drivers for my Digital SLR camera, which the M6 handled with ease. The aging DV6 didn't take these installs quite as seamlessly or as quickly. I popped the first disc (yes, disc) in and set the install to go, and then went off to do a few things, because the installs had taken forever on the DV6. Not so with the M6. It took minutes to mere seconds, depending on the installation. This thing is truly powerful. I had all the installs off the discs and the downloaded upgrades done in less than 10-minutes. Remarkable.
I've already used the M6 to set up a VPN connection to work, which went so much better and smoother than it does on my DV6. I was able to backdoor my work pc with very little delay (I still have to wait on the connection and security permissions to pass) and was able to browse through my hdd files much swifter than before. My Remote Desktop Connection also connected quicker and popped up without any lag. I'm thrilled with this because my work pc is an HP desktop with four monitors, which can be stressful on a remote connection. But again, the M6 handled it with ease.
I'm probably more excited about the 3rd gen i5 processor than the laptop, itself, but so far, I have no major complaints and even the miniscule ones can be swatted away as nothing once everything is worked out. Overall, this is a solid laptop and good for the money. It's not on the cheap end of laptops (not on the super expensive side either), and when it comes to computers, you get what you pay for. I still believe that even though I had a negative experience with the DV7 (which had a Sandy Bridge i7 and cost a little more than what I paid for the M6). At that time, HP Support was courteous and tried to be helpful, but since I was within the return period, I chose to return it. I like HP computers and laptops, and have always found HP Support to a good avenue for help when needed. For instance, my previous DV6 had a motherboard recall and was experiencing some other problems caused by a moron (not me or my husband) who tried to blow it up and blew one USB port (there were sparks and smoke), destroyed the speakers, and affected the display. HP took really good care of me then (although I did get lucky that there was already a recall on the motherboard).
And so, now that I'm at the end of this lengthy post, I've hit a string quartet composition that sounds lovely despite my gripes about the sound. The violins sound perfect and crisp, and I'm hearing notes to the song that I hadn't noticed before. So maybe the speakers aren't as bad as I thought...we'll see. Maybe my perfect equalizer settings just favor classical music. ^_-
PS. Please forgive any typos. And yay! For once I stayed on topic the whole time! (mostly)
Follow Up Review Here
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