One day at a time

This isn't really an update per se, since I have nothing new to report. I'm just feeling the need to remind myself that "one day at a time" means just that and seeing this in physical form might help. I'm going to feel okay or even great on some days, but maybe not so well on others. I have to get used to that. I wondered briefly yesterday if I was allowed to feel sorry for myself--I mean everyone has problems and other people are much worse off than I am. But then I cut myself some slack...this is still new to me and it is life altering, so I think I am allowed to freak out every now and then. If I'm still freaking out in a year or so, after this has all become old news, maybe I'll start to worry. ^_-

My ecstatic high at feeling "normal" came to a pretty grinding stop yesterday, which was the last day of the oral steroids. Amid a plethora of migraine symptoms, my right leg bothered me all day. What started as an achy numbness in my upper thigh eventually spread to my knee and into my ankle. By the end of the workday, my ankle felt like it wanted to fold under my foot with each step. Shortly thereafter, my right leg disappeared on me in midstep...and yes, I fell. Luckily enough (or not, since I was in public), I was grocery shopping and had a hold of the cart to catch myself. At first, all I could do was laugh and then I wanted to cry.

What does this mean? Will I have to start more treatment? What happens if I fall when...this? What happens if...that? What about work? Should I have gone home to rest? Oh brother. Anyone who knows me knows that my brain asks endless questions trying to plan for every possible outcome. Unfortunately, I can't formulate those answers. I can't even ask all the questions. I have no choice but to take it one day at a time.

One bad day doesn't mean another will follow. One good day doesn't guarantee that the next will be even better. Perhaps this is a lesson I'll need to learn over and over again. Perhaps this is where my eternal optimism will bite me hard. But no matter how hard it bites me, there's no doubt in my mind that I'll ever give in completely to pessimism.

So, what is the point of all this rambling? Basically, that I need to remember that even though my life has changed, I don't know by how much. I can't really plan for the future any better than anyone else can. All I can do is take it, again, one day at a time, and keep hoping and praying for the best. I know God is watching over me. I know He is with me through this. I know that if (when) I fall, He'll be there to catch me (even in the form of a grocery cart -- maybe He's one of the Wonder Twins). And I know that when I freak out and fall to pieces, He's there to put me back together. He is here today and He'll be there tomorrow, even though I'm taking it one day at a time.