Time for random rambling. My brain is all over the place, so why not? What have I been up to? Brain on the hamster wheel. Not sleeping. And, this week, Ignis made me cry twice in the new FFXV DLC Episode Ignis. I heart Iggy. :'(
However, my internet hiccuped when I earned the achievement for "Quick Recipeh" and it didn't port over to the main game. Queue angry face. I have yet to figure this one out. I have over 400 hours logged into this game since January! Grr. So I spent time today in a "friendly" sparring match with Noct that wasn't as cathartic as I'd hoped it'd be.
I didn't get my nap today. :( And I still can't sleep. :(
I re-binged the anime K and watched the movie K: Missing Kings. Fingers crossed that Santa is bringing the 3rd K season! I love the slick visuals and music. And God knows I love Matthew Mercer's voice, so, yay. Leon S. Kennedy!! Captain Levi!! [bloody nose, passed out] I also binged Shiki on bluray and wasn't sure what to think at first. The weird hair and over the top personalities nearly drowned the series early on, but once the story caught its grip, all the distractions fell away. It wasn't the horror anime I was hoping for, but I enjoyed it. I'm looking forward to the Steins:Gate movie. The anime was amazing. If you're a time travel buff and want a story with spot on science, check out Steins:Gate (the series first). Just go with the confusion. It levels out.
I've read quite a bit . . . um, I just finished Artemis by Andy Weir. Excellent! I loved the Martian - book and movie. His sarcastic, witty tone is there in both books. I remember a lot of math in the Martian, which makes sense, of course, but Artemis is more story driven, so while the science is there, it's not as forward facing as in the Martian. I finished The Flash Rebirth tradeback #4 and Nightwing Rebirth tradeback #3 in which he faces off against a criminal James Gordon has been dealing with on Gotham. Also finished The Flash/Batman Rebirth Lenticular Hard Cover edition for "The Button," which has a logical break in The Flash tradebacks between 3 & 4, but breaks in the middle of Batman Rebirth tradeback #3. So, I picked up the Doomsday Clock #1 comic with lenticular cover, the Watchman tradeback omnibus, and Deadman #1 and #2 (rebirth). Boston Brand can be really irritating, but I'm oddly fascinated by him, especially after reading the Blackest Night/Brightest Day event. I read some manga and started a Japanese horror novel "Another" based on the anime (which I've seen).
I've been trying to "work" on Confessions, but with my focus all over the place, it's never a good idea to force it. I'm at a spot introducing new characters that requires exposition through tense conversation, and I know it can be done better. I need a better brain to consolidate the scenes.
(Reading, gaming, doing puzzles, staring out the window . . . and so forth are all coping mechanisms to calm my brain down, ease stress, and help with physical and cognitive decompensation. My MS has never gone into remission, so I always have some issues and pain, but it varies. I've spent this year trying to work up to "cleaning and cooking and adding structure" on a gradual basis, but SO MUCH has happened that I'm at "struggle to get through day on idle" and basically try to keep my activities as mindless as possible and only tackle one task when I have a moment of clarity. This pattern, for this time of year, developed several years before I had to stop working. I'd get on "struggle" and stay on "struggle" through the end of the year, get through January on auto-pilot, and start pushing through "struggle" in February, completely forgetting January in the process, and being somewhat "structured" by April. Long winded? Yes. Easy to see why I should NOT be touching Confessions? Yes.)
Ummmm . . . going long here (that's totally unexpected!), but I kind of diverted there (I promise my books don't read like my blog does. Here I write like I talk. It's cathartic.). OK, we've established that I don't burn candles when I'm home alone, but I had one going the other day and Vash set himself on fire. That was delightful. Ha! Vash is fine. Just burnt a little fur off his pudgy belly. I've cooked dinner twice this week - it's been a while - and managed to burn myself a few different ways all through completely avoidable, stupid actions last night. I've been having trouble following written or oral instructions, which is funny in regard to food because we generally eat really healthily - so, give me some fresh salmon and produce and I'll whip up something really good, but give me a box of Stove Top Stuffing? OMG! My Thanksgiving Day guests can attest to my troubles with that 5-minute pot of stuff (pardon the pun). Last night, I made pork tenderloins braised in a savory bourbon and brown sugar sauce w/potatoes, green beans, halved baby chick peas, quinoa, and cranberries. You'd think the bourbon would offer clues about the burns, except I couldn't get the lighter to light and, tbh, my husband wasn't looking all that confident in my ability not to burn down the house, so he did that part. Always a comedy of errors around here. (But seriously, I'll dream up recipes and jot them down in the morning - must be an automatic creative outlet for my brain. Maybe I should post a "recipeh" every now and then. Oh Iggy!!)
Speaking of Vash, I need to devote a post to Trigun.
And lastly, I am way too addicted to Rick and Morty. I've watched all three seasons multiple times this week. I quote it line for line when I watch it. Yep, it irritates the hell out of my husband. Probably the cats. And our (not so) little dog, too.
"Um, my name is . . . (0 o 0) . . . Mr. Tophat . . . Jones . . . and God forbid anyone ever take my sner--little people snibbles . . . "
Gotta love those Strawberry Sniggles. But don't get caught with eyeholes. ;)
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Nothing in life worth doing is easy.
Many articles and blogs tell new authors to become an "expert" in something to engage their readers. I'm knowledgeable about a lot. And I'm weird. I suppose I could be an expert at being odd.
Then I realized I am in a somewhat unique position of being both odd in nature and odd medically. I'm like the newly found bug in a jar to be studied and never understood. That gives me a platform.
It should be obvious by now that I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and have survived breast cancer. I have host of other secondary conditions, such as autonomic dysfunction of the heart, bowel, and bladder, asthma, migraines, early stage congenital heart failure, and degenerative disc disease (to name a few). I am hypersensitive and my body decompensates for any strong emotion, good or bad, and stress, which manifests in physical form and in cognitive impairments. I walk with a cane and will look ghastly ill when I push myself too hard. While shopping yesterday, a store clerk actually asked me if I was ok. I wish I could say that's the first time, but I can't.
For the first time since The Arrival's release, I am opening up honestly about how I'm doing.
2017 has been a particularly stressful year. My best friend (soul sister) and informal caretaker passed away suddenly after the New Year. I was lost without her. No friend. No caretaker. I missed her so much. I still do. It hurts. It sucks.
I wore myself into the ground, got sick, and wound up in bed for 3 weeks. In my grief, I ate junk food and gained 10 pounds. Then I got back to my normal, healthy diet and lost 10 pounds. My husband's job got super stressful and he had to make the difficult decision to retire his K-9 partner. During all that, a worrisome cyst was found on an ovary, and I'm high risk for ovarian cancer (and bladder cancer and colon cancer, and, well, cancer is always the first thing my doctors rule out now).
I spent 3 months planning our first real vacation in a decade - literally tackling one medical need per day to cover all my bases with the airline and destination. I was burned out on vacation before we ever left. My husband chose to pursue a new career outside of law enforcement once the K-9 stuff was all worked out, and that was pending when we left on our trip.
We went to a beautiful resort in Ft. Lauderdale, luckily the only place in Florida left largely untouched by Hurricane Irma. Boy did we need it. But this is what it took to carve those 5 days of peace and relaxing from our lives: we got back late and I'd taken my bedtime meds on the plane, so I was a zombie when we got home and crawled upstairs to bed. At 8:15 a.m., my husband dropped me off at the hospital and I went to Radiology to get three veins blown and one successful IV placement for an abdominal MRI to find out if I had ovarian cancer. Meanwhile, my husband returned home, got his squad, picked up his K-9 partner from the doggie spa, and took him home, where he got the dog settled and then swapped vehicles back to our car to meet me at the clinic in neurology where I was awaiting trigger point injections. After those lovely dots of torture, we returned home, I went to bed, and shortly thereafter, my husband went for his formal interview. In the short time he had afterward, he raced home, swapped vehicles again to the squad to take the dog to the vet because he'd had a benign tumor cut off his leg several weeks prior and he had a follow up given some healing complications. Then my husband came home, and I can only assume he dropped onto the couch to sleep, because I was still out. I'm fairly certain he made dinner, because I know I didn't. (He got the job, the dog is happily retired, and I don't have ovarian cancer.)
I have at least one medical appointment every week, but usually 2 or 3, and for months this summer I'd been doing physical therapy every week. We had to juggle our schedule drastically, as that one day illustrates, just to take a 5 day vacation. It's crazy insane. Just like the bar scene in Weird Science. Crazy. Insane.
So, in addition to all that, I published The Arrival, my husband's dog retired, my husband switched jobs, and over the course of all this, I've had issues with no appetite, low blood pressure, fatigue, and malnutrition. Oh, and some mysterious thing with my knee that no one can solve, but that results in my femur being bruised, which is common in athletes, but is happening to me when I get into bed. I don't know about you, but for me, getting into bed is not a contact sport. I am pending a 2nd MRI to look at the bruise since I injured it again a few weeks ago. It'll be the 6th MRI for 2017. I can't count the number of add'l ultrasounds and x-rays.
What does all this mean? It's stress. All of it. Publishing my book is good. My husband getting a new job is good. But it's stress. And I'm not handling it well. It's beyond my control. In addition to the MS effects on my body and brain, I tend to stop eating when I'm stressed. Starting the year off with the death of the person closest to me should indicate how stressful 2017 has been. I must have gotten to a point where my body went into starvation mode in a way it never has before. I already had problems with low bp and fatigue, and lack of fuel only made it worse. And I've been healing from my last surgery, too - surgeons had to redo my breast reconstruction in October 2016 due to complications with MS and scar tissue. I was inpatient for 7 days (it's an out-patient procedure). and I still feel the effects of that recovery.
So, how bad is bad? I forget that my dog is a dog. I call my cats by the names of the cats that preceded them. I thought I put the car into park in the garage . . . but I put it into drive. Luckily, I had my foot over the brake. The last time . . . I wasn't even in the car. It parked itself in my husband's grill and shattered an antique table being stored in the garage. This is known as my "don't burn down the house" state (yeah, I forgot candles are burning and will leave on errands). We call it that because I literally started a fire at our house when I forgot I was cooking something and disappeared into another room distracted by some other task. I need Post Its to remember just about anything, I have the attention span of a squirrel, I mess up or forget meds, and my husband and I have the same conversation several times over the course of a day. I can't follow written or oral instructions, I get lost easily, and I've fallen 3x in the last 2 weeks from blood pressure drops, and another several times from my MS messing with my legs. I'm tired all the time and hit impassable fatigue walls, yet I suffer from insomnia - which explains why I'm up at 0213 writing this even though nearly every medication I take before bed is sedating. I should be blissfully asleep, but my brain won't shut up. It's racing on the hamster wheel down a steep incline that never ends.
I'm not complaining. This is my life. It's just how it is. I know I'm in a danger zone (cue Archer) and I'm slowly tackling things one thing at a time. One doctor wants me drinking high protein Ensure (check), another added another antacid to my meds (check - do you remember the movie The Disorderlies with the Fat Boys? And how they played poker with the old dude's meds? Yeah, I could do that.). I'm eating dinner every night, even if it's just cereal, and I'm napping when I need to. I've canceled all my appointments for this week so I can have a week off and I'm under orders to take consecutive "chill" days and to do things I want to do and not necessarily things I need to do (such as play a video game instead of cleaning the house). I've been in bed a lot reading (when I can focus on it). Otherwise, I vegetate to Netflix under a mound of blankets and cats.
I have the good fortune of having excellent doctors. Doctors who actually worry about me and care. And understand. That is key! But, I'm lost. To be perfectly honest and frank, I'm lost. I keep hitting a mental block and can't move past it. And when I get like that, it's hard coming back. I'm trying to do what I need to. I will get through it. I have in the past. I've been dealing with this since 2008. But this is the worst I've been in a long time. My therapist said I haven't been like this since before I had to quit working.
I was worried about that with publishing the book. I had doubts I'd be able to handle it. Or be able to publish the next one, which is written and edited. My biggest concern is being able to write the 3rd one. It's in pieces and I have to have a brain I can trust in order to write it. But you know, that's a future issue that I can tackle in the future. For right now, I'm doing what I need to do and when I get better, I can start adding stuff back in.
So there's a look at my current state of life. No complaints, just forging ahead. Because really, that's all we can do. Despite it all, I'm happy. I love my husband. And I love that he's happier at the new job. I love the dog (it's my first dog, ever) and I love my cats (my herd). My life isn't easy, but if it was, it wouldn't be worth it, would it? Nothing in life worth doing is easy.
Then I realized I am in a somewhat unique position of being both odd in nature and odd medically. I'm like the newly found bug in a jar to be studied and never understood. That gives me a platform.
It should be obvious by now that I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and have survived breast cancer. I have host of other secondary conditions, such as autonomic dysfunction of the heart, bowel, and bladder, asthma, migraines, early stage congenital heart failure, and degenerative disc disease (to name a few). I am hypersensitive and my body decompensates for any strong emotion, good or bad, and stress, which manifests in physical form and in cognitive impairments. I walk with a cane and will look ghastly ill when I push myself too hard. While shopping yesterday, a store clerk actually asked me if I was ok. I wish I could say that's the first time, but I can't.
For the first time since The Arrival's release, I am opening up honestly about how I'm doing.
2017 has been a particularly stressful year. My best friend (soul sister) and informal caretaker passed away suddenly after the New Year. I was lost without her. No friend. No caretaker. I missed her so much. I still do. It hurts. It sucks.
I wore myself into the ground, got sick, and wound up in bed for 3 weeks. In my grief, I ate junk food and gained 10 pounds. Then I got back to my normal, healthy diet and lost 10 pounds. My husband's job got super stressful and he had to make the difficult decision to retire his K-9 partner. During all that, a worrisome cyst was found on an ovary, and I'm high risk for ovarian cancer (and bladder cancer and colon cancer, and, well, cancer is always the first thing my doctors rule out now).
I spent 3 months planning our first real vacation in a decade - literally tackling one medical need per day to cover all my bases with the airline and destination. I was burned out on vacation before we ever left. My husband chose to pursue a new career outside of law enforcement once the K-9 stuff was all worked out, and that was pending when we left on our trip.
We went to a beautiful resort in Ft. Lauderdale, luckily the only place in Florida left largely untouched by Hurricane Irma. Boy did we need it. But this is what it took to carve those 5 days of peace and relaxing from our lives: we got back late and I'd taken my bedtime meds on the plane, so I was a zombie when we got home and crawled upstairs to bed. At 8:15 a.m., my husband dropped me off at the hospital and I went to Radiology to get three veins blown and one successful IV placement for an abdominal MRI to find out if I had ovarian cancer. Meanwhile, my husband returned home, got his squad, picked up his K-9 partner from the doggie spa, and took him home, where he got the dog settled and then swapped vehicles back to our car to meet me at the clinic in neurology where I was awaiting trigger point injections. After those lovely dots of torture, we returned home, I went to bed, and shortly thereafter, my husband went for his formal interview. In the short time he had afterward, he raced home, swapped vehicles again to the squad to take the dog to the vet because he'd had a benign tumor cut off his leg several weeks prior and he had a follow up given some healing complications. Then my husband came home, and I can only assume he dropped onto the couch to sleep, because I was still out. I'm fairly certain he made dinner, because I know I didn't. (He got the job, the dog is happily retired, and I don't have ovarian cancer.)
I have at least one medical appointment every week, but usually 2 or 3, and for months this summer I'd been doing physical therapy every week. We had to juggle our schedule drastically, as that one day illustrates, just to take a 5 day vacation. It's crazy insane. Just like the bar scene in Weird Science. Crazy. Insane.
So, in addition to all that, I published The Arrival, my husband's dog retired, my husband switched jobs, and over the course of all this, I've had issues with no appetite, low blood pressure, fatigue, and malnutrition. Oh, and some mysterious thing with my knee that no one can solve, but that results in my femur being bruised, which is common in athletes, but is happening to me when I get into bed. I don't know about you, but for me, getting into bed is not a contact sport. I am pending a 2nd MRI to look at the bruise since I injured it again a few weeks ago. It'll be the 6th MRI for 2017. I can't count the number of add'l ultrasounds and x-rays.
What does all this mean? It's stress. All of it. Publishing my book is good. My husband getting a new job is good. But it's stress. And I'm not handling it well. It's beyond my control. In addition to the MS effects on my body and brain, I tend to stop eating when I'm stressed. Starting the year off with the death of the person closest to me should indicate how stressful 2017 has been. I must have gotten to a point where my body went into starvation mode in a way it never has before. I already had problems with low bp and fatigue, and lack of fuel only made it worse. And I've been healing from my last surgery, too - surgeons had to redo my breast reconstruction in October 2016 due to complications with MS and scar tissue. I was inpatient for 7 days (it's an out-patient procedure). and I still feel the effects of that recovery.
So, how bad is bad? I forget that my dog is a dog. I call my cats by the names of the cats that preceded them. I thought I put the car into park in the garage . . . but I put it into drive. Luckily, I had my foot over the brake. The last time . . . I wasn't even in the car. It parked itself in my husband's grill and shattered an antique table being stored in the garage. This is known as my "don't burn down the house" state (yeah, I forgot candles are burning and will leave on errands). We call it that because I literally started a fire at our house when I forgot I was cooking something and disappeared into another room distracted by some other task. I need Post Its to remember just about anything, I have the attention span of a squirrel, I mess up or forget meds, and my husband and I have the same conversation several times over the course of a day. I can't follow written or oral instructions, I get lost easily, and I've fallen 3x in the last 2 weeks from blood pressure drops, and another several times from my MS messing with my legs. I'm tired all the time and hit impassable fatigue walls, yet I suffer from insomnia - which explains why I'm up at 0213 writing this even though nearly every medication I take before bed is sedating. I should be blissfully asleep, but my brain won't shut up. It's racing on the hamster wheel down a steep incline that never ends.
I'm not complaining. This is my life. It's just how it is. I know I'm in a danger zone (cue Archer) and I'm slowly tackling things one thing at a time. One doctor wants me drinking high protein Ensure (check), another added another antacid to my meds (check - do you remember the movie The Disorderlies with the Fat Boys? And how they played poker with the old dude's meds? Yeah, I could do that.). I'm eating dinner every night, even if it's just cereal, and I'm napping when I need to. I've canceled all my appointments for this week so I can have a week off and I'm under orders to take consecutive "chill" days and to do things I want to do and not necessarily things I need to do (such as play a video game instead of cleaning the house). I've been in bed a lot reading (when I can focus on it). Otherwise, I vegetate to Netflix under a mound of blankets and cats.
I have the good fortune of having excellent doctors. Doctors who actually worry about me and care. And understand. That is key! But, I'm lost. To be perfectly honest and frank, I'm lost. I keep hitting a mental block and can't move past it. And when I get like that, it's hard coming back. I'm trying to do what I need to. I will get through it. I have in the past. I've been dealing with this since 2008. But this is the worst I've been in a long time. My therapist said I haven't been like this since before I had to quit working.
I was worried about that with publishing the book. I had doubts I'd be able to handle it. Or be able to publish the next one, which is written and edited. My biggest concern is being able to write the 3rd one. It's in pieces and I have to have a brain I can trust in order to write it. But you know, that's a future issue that I can tackle in the future. For right now, I'm doing what I need to do and when I get better, I can start adding stuff back in.
So there's a look at my current state of life. No complaints, just forging ahead. Because really, that's all we can do. Despite it all, I'm happy. I love my husband. And I love that he's happier at the new job. I love the dog (it's my first dog, ever) and I love my cats (my herd). My life isn't easy, but if it was, it wouldn't be worth it, would it? Nothing in life worth doing is easy.
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Nerdy is as Nerdy Does / Geeky is as Geeky Does
No matter what I write (text, blog, book, email, or whatever), I ramble and pepper in obscure references or homages. And when I talk? Be prepared to interpret geekspeak. Only bring up DC or Marvel or Sailor Moon or any other obsession if you're prepared to stay awhile. Like, more than an hour or five. It's best to have an exit strategy (as many of my friends do). [smile]
Never bring up XMen 3. [serious]
I'm a nerdy geek. I grew up in the age of National Geographic, He-Man, Star Wars, Atari, and the Tandy PC. And by the power of Greyskull, it's the core of my being. I'll whip out a Batman this, Bleach that, quoth the Raven here, or a Get Schwifty there. Here a Rick, there a Rick, everywhere a Rick, Rick. (Infinite universes, you know.) And oh, by the way, did you know Shinigami love apples? [wink]
If you are a gamer, or an anime or manga fan, you will undoubtedly uncover stuff like this in The Arrival. The more hardcore you are, the more you'll find. Some are deliberate little Easter Eggs and some naturally occur within my voice. Sometimes I'll forget about them and rediscover them later. Some are so obscure or unintentional that even I miss them most of the time. And there are others that I look for but were cut during edits.[sad]
Homages may be obvious or invisible. These are respectful acknowledgements to the influences that helped shape character traits or items, or are nods to stories that I love. Spoiler free examples?
**Paresh and nature? Toss up between Snow White and Sleeping Beauty
**Eric's general affect? Loosely based on Vampire Hunter D (Hideyuki Kikuchi)
**Eric's affection and desire to protect? Influenced by Endymion/Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask (Naoko Takeuchi) and Ichigo Kurosaki (Tite Kubo)
**Lord Endymion's appearance? I see him as Orlando Bloom as Legalos in Lord of the Rings (JRT . . . also, Leggo my Eggo unless you're 11) [I don't even like waffles]
The historical references in The Arrival are generally fictitious interpretations of real events and places. But that's another post. And there's a historical note at the end of the book.
Other references are more personal and are meant for family and friends. A specific example: "Kabuki" lived in my aunt's pond. Other references include places, locales, names, and a favorite restaurant. The most personal reference, for me, is in Confessions and no one knows what it is.
And then there are Easter Eggs camouflaged as plain text. I love those the most because they fit in naturally. My favorite is "speak with the dead" and I'm not giving away where it's from. But I will say there's a sister reference on the previous page and the two go hand in hand (the clue is also a reference!) [mischievous glint]
Obviously, when writing a book, I can't just blurt out, "Let the wookie win!" I mean, I could if I was writing about Star Wars and had permission or the rights, but . . . why would Chewie be involved with vampires? Eric has an apparent dislike for chess anyway. (For the record, always let the wookie win.) [serious]
Now, this isn't meant to say I don't take writing seriously or that you're going to read an endless string of pop culture references. I did far too much research and spent decades of my life on this story. I love it too much to dust it over with silly quips. But they are fun little asides or inside jokes that I enjoy, so I hope the egg hunters out there enjoy finding them. [big grin]
Never bring up XMen 3. [serious]
I'm a nerdy geek. I grew up in the age of National Geographic, He-Man, Star Wars, Atari, and the Tandy PC. And by the power of Greyskull, it's the core of my being. I'll whip out a Batman this, Bleach that, quoth the Raven here, or a Get Schwifty there. Here a Rick, there a Rick, everywhere a Rick, Rick. (Infinite universes, you know.) And oh, by the way, did you know Shinigami love apples? [wink]
If you are a gamer, or an anime or manga fan, you will undoubtedly uncover stuff like this in The Arrival. The more hardcore you are, the more you'll find. Some are deliberate little Easter Eggs and some naturally occur within my voice. Sometimes I'll forget about them and rediscover them later. Some are so obscure or unintentional that even I miss them most of the time. And there are others that I look for but were cut during edits.
Homages may be obvious or invisible. These are respectful acknowledgements to the influences that helped shape character traits or items, or are nods to stories that I love. Spoiler free examples?
**Paresh and nature? Toss up between Snow White and Sleeping Beauty
**Eric's general affect? Loosely based on Vampire Hunter D (Hideyuki Kikuchi)
**Eric's affection and desire to protect? Influenced by Endymion/Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask (Naoko Takeuchi) and Ichigo Kurosaki (Tite Kubo)
**Lord Endymion's appearance? I see him as Orlando Bloom as Legalos in Lord of the Rings (JRT . . . also, Leggo my Eggo unless you're 11) [I don't even like waffles]
The historical references in The Arrival are generally fictitious interpretations of real events and places. But that's another post. And there's a historical note at the end of the book.
Other references are more personal and are meant for family and friends. A specific example: "Kabuki" lived in my aunt's pond. Other references include places, locales, names, and a favorite restaurant. The most personal reference, for me, is in Confessions and no one knows what it is.
And then there are Easter Eggs camouflaged as plain text. I love those the most because they fit in naturally. My favorite is "speak with the dead" and I'm not giving away where it's from. But I will say there's a sister reference on the previous page and the two go hand in hand (the clue is also a reference!) [mischievous glint]
Obviously, when writing a book, I can't just blurt out, "Let the wookie win!" I mean, I could if I was writing about Star Wars and had permission or the rights, but . . . why would Chewie be involved with vampires? Eric has an apparent dislike for chess anyway. (For the record, always let the wookie win.) [serious]
Now, this isn't meant to say I don't take writing seriously or that you're going to read an endless string of pop culture references. I did far too much research and spent decades of my life on this story. I love it too much to dust it over with silly quips. But they are fun little asides or inside jokes that I enjoy, so I hope the egg hunters out there enjoy finding them. [big grin]
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Play that Funky Music!
I love music. I write, play, and clean to music - heck, in the hospital, I even slept to music! My tastes run the gamut. It's difficult for me to say what I like because it changes so frequently. My husband informed me that I like whiny and flow-y music - like Coldplay or X Ambassadors. To his credit, Torches was playing at the time on my flash drive (I don't listen to the radio, woe-oh-radio). Four points to you for catching the reference.
While writing THE ARRIVAL, my playlist changed very little and included mainstream music (like Stone Sour's Through the Glass during Chapter 2 from Eric's POV), classical (Beethoven's Sonatas), Enigma (album MCMXC a.D.) and anime and game soundtracks. And therein lies another gamut of options: Bleach, Blood+, Trinity Blood, Hitman (love Jesper Kyd), Martian Successor Nadesico (Dearest during the latter part of Chapter 7), Devil May Cry, Ghost in the Shell, Mirage of Blaze, Monster, Speed Grapher, Witch Hunter Robin, and Texhnolyze. Just to name a few.
I mixed and matched based on scene and mood. Enigma had just released MCMXC a.D. when I had the nightmare/dream series that birthed THE ARRIVAL, so it fit in anywhere (and still does). It's a safe assumption that readers could loop only Sadeness and Mea Culpa and hear the book's basic soundtrack. When I write, it's like watching a movie in my head, and movies use music to invoke certain emotions. My writing style is no different. Chapters 2, 4, 7, and 14+ required special playlists to keep my mind and the scenes in sync.
With that in mind, some readers have asked about a sequence in the last few chapters. No spoilers, I promise.
I did have a short list of certain songs, in a specific order, looped for the scene in question. Most were classical-esque or opera-y (like Ave Maria sung by Christina England). However, two were key: White Room & Main Title by Jesper Kyd (Hitman's OST - game) and Good by my Master by Yoko Kanno (Ghost in the Shell's OST - anime). If you listen to these two songs during that moment, you'll get it. ^_-
While writing THE ARRIVAL, my playlist changed very little and included mainstream music (like Stone Sour's Through the Glass during Chapter 2 from Eric's POV), classical (Beethoven's Sonatas), Enigma (album MCMXC a.D.) and anime and game soundtracks. And therein lies another gamut of options: Bleach, Blood+, Trinity Blood, Hitman (love Jesper Kyd), Martian Successor Nadesico (Dearest during the latter part of Chapter 7), Devil May Cry, Ghost in the Shell, Mirage of Blaze, Monster, Speed Grapher, Witch Hunter Robin, and Texhnolyze. Just to name a few.
I mixed and matched based on scene and mood. Enigma had just released MCMXC a.D. when I had the nightmare/dream series that birthed THE ARRIVAL, so it fit in anywhere (and still does). It's a safe assumption that readers could loop only Sadeness and Mea Culpa and hear the book's basic soundtrack. When I write, it's like watching a movie in my head, and movies use music to invoke certain emotions. My writing style is no different. Chapters 2, 4, 7, and 14+ required special playlists to keep my mind and the scenes in sync.
With that in mind, some readers have asked about a sequence in the last few chapters. No spoilers, I promise.
I did have a short list of certain songs, in a specific order, looped for the scene in question. Most were classical-esque or opera-y (like Ave Maria sung by Christina England). However, two were key: White Room & Main Title by Jesper Kyd (Hitman's OST - game) and Good by my Master by Yoko Kanno (Ghost in the Shell's OST - anime). If you listen to these two songs during that moment, you'll get it. ^_-
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
The Arrival and Confessions
The Arrival, in some form or other, has been in my head for nearly 3 decades. I wrote the first draft, which would become the now published book, in 3 months, but for a variety of reasons (life/health/name it), it was stuck in edits for 10 years - one of which was with a professional editor. Its sister book, Confessions of the Second Born, was also written in 2007 and stuck in edits, but I stopped working on it completely in 2015 (when cancer announced its presence). Needless to say, when I have the time and energy to look at it now, I am beyond happy.
Between these two paper bound siblings, Confessions is the favored child (because I love Jonathan - he's an ass, but he's an ass that came to life in my head). And every beta reader has been completely absorbed by the story, leaving me with little criticism to work with. LOL
But really, the way readers react to Jonathan in The Arrival will affect they way they view Confessions, something I've mentioned in a few after-the-fact discussions, and is the closest thing to a spoiler I'll give.
I digress . . . The Arrival is out there! I've heard so many theories at various stages and had wonderful conversations with readers afterward. It's amazing. It's truly awesome. Between my beta readers, people who read my manuscript for fun, and the folks who have purchased the book, I haven't heard the same theory twice - ever. The one constant? No one can put the darn thing down! And that makes me giddy. Joyfully, school-girlishly giddy.
Another constant? It sticks with you. You think about it. You want to talk about it. And none of conversations are the same because the take away is different for each reader. Yeah - it's a vampire book, except it's not. It's a book that has vampires in it. There's a reason for that, just like there's a reason there are humans in it. But I'm not saying anything else about that.
I'm eager to polish Confessions and get it out there. The 3rd book, Children of the Morning Star, is only partially written, and, like Confessions, hasn't been touched since early 2015, if that. I do worry about finishing it. Being able to finish it. But then I remember when I started writing it and how it took over and wrote itself - characters changed themselves in ways I never expected and a character created itself with a surprisingly prominent existence that I still have yet to figure out. I have to believe that I can do it. There's even the possibility of a fourth book or character shorts. Writing is cathartic for me and I have boxes upon boxes of notes and research detailing the overarching tale alongside each book's story. I know how it all ends.
For now, I am thrilled that The Arrival is out and that people love it and want more. The confessions are coming. I promise. And so are the COMS. ^_-
Between these two paper bound siblings, Confessions is the favored child (because I love Jonathan - he's an ass, but he's an ass that came to life in my head). And every beta reader has been completely absorbed by the story, leaving me with little criticism to work with. LOL
But really, the way readers react to Jonathan in The Arrival will affect they way they view Confessions, something I've mentioned in a few after-the-fact discussions, and is the closest thing to a spoiler I'll give.
I digress . . . The Arrival is out there! I've heard so many theories at various stages and had wonderful conversations with readers afterward. It's amazing. It's truly awesome. Between my beta readers, people who read my manuscript for fun, and the folks who have purchased the book, I haven't heard the same theory twice - ever. The one constant? No one can put the darn thing down! And that makes me giddy. Joyfully, school-girlishly giddy.
Another constant? It sticks with you. You think about it. You want to talk about it. And none of conversations are the same because the take away is different for each reader. Yeah - it's a vampire book, except it's not. It's a book that has vampires in it. There's a reason for that, just like there's a reason there are humans in it. But I'm not saying anything else about that.
I'm eager to polish Confessions and get it out there. The 3rd book, Children of the Morning Star, is only partially written, and, like Confessions, hasn't been touched since early 2015, if that. I do worry about finishing it. Being able to finish it. But then I remember when I started writing it and how it took over and wrote itself - characters changed themselves in ways I never expected and a character created itself with a surprisingly prominent existence that I still have yet to figure out. I have to believe that I can do it. There's even the possibility of a fourth book or character shorts. Writing is cathartic for me and I have boxes upon boxes of notes and research detailing the overarching tale alongside each book's story. I know how it all ends.
For now, I am thrilled that The Arrival is out and that people love it and want more. The confessions are coming. I promise. And so are the COMS. ^_-
Sunday, November 5, 2017
It takes a village
I completed my first e-book today (for The Arrival). I've never used an e-reader, instead preferring my almost maddening addiction to paper books, so I have no idea how it compares to other e-books. I feel like I rushed it, and partially I know why I feel that way, but I don't really know if it matters. The bonus illustrations at the end of the paperback gave me quite a bit of trouble and I nearly chose to omit them altogether. However, I didn't think that fair to the reader, so I figured out a way to include them and must hope that it is good enough, which is not something with which I am usually content. Before MS and Cancer, and the Stone Soup that makes up my health, I was a perfectionist and a control freak. I don't know that I am either, any more. I am barely in control of anything at all, and being a perfectionist requires too much energy, but this project has been so close to my heart, for so long, that I want to produce the best result possible. I hope I did. Hence, "it takes a village."
If not for the reader, electronic or analog, books serve no purpose, which reduces authors to nothing beyond our own egos. Readers make up the bulk of "Team GO BOOK!" with the author falling back to watch the charge and momentum build, like a coach on the sidelines. (I know! I just used a sports metaphor. Correctly. Go sports!) Sure, a coach can yell, but the coach isn't playing. Once the book is out, its success or failure is decided by the reader. And we authors get to learn from both success and failure. Yes, we "get to." It's an honor that anyone would pick up a book and want to read it, even more so if the person is paying for it.
And so, through comments and reviews, I will learn about my first e-book and where I succeeded, where I failed, and where I landed in the Goldilocks Zone. The same will happen with the paperback, as well, but I don't have that same anxiety of not knowing with a physical copy. I own a few books and am happy with the layout, formatting, font, etc - all the technical aspects of something tangible. I am not at all comfortable with the intangible, especially when I've never seen another e-book for comparison. Now, the story - that's all subjective.
Some people will like it and some will hate it. I can't help that. I like it and I'm pleased with the end result. I can't ask for much more than that . . . except for, of course, the reader's enjoyment. I thought I was the happiest I'd be in this process the moment I received my first physical copy, finally seeing my manuscript, a rough stone, polished into a beautiful gem. I love it. But then my friends and family and others appeared, jubilant and excited, and began receiving their copies, and I was even happier! The excitement is infectious and builds a new anxiety about reception, anticipating those first opinions, comments, thoughts, reviews.
I look over at my book and I am happy. To me, it's a success. It's a huge win out of a decade of trials. I am excited to see and hear the response. I am excited to learn from it. Mostly, right now, while I'm happy to have the e-book out, I am insecure about how it compares to other e-books in format and style, and readability. These are the reviews from which I will learn the most. And that is why it takes a village. Without the reader, I wouldn't learn anything at all.
If not for the reader, electronic or analog, books serve no purpose, which reduces authors to nothing beyond our own egos. Readers make up the bulk of "Team GO BOOK!" with the author falling back to watch the charge and momentum build, like a coach on the sidelines. (I know! I just used a sports metaphor. Correctly. Go sports!) Sure, a coach can yell, but the coach isn't playing. Once the book is out, its success or failure is decided by the reader. And we authors get to learn from both success and failure. Yes, we "get to." It's an honor that anyone would pick up a book and want to read it, even more so if the person is paying for it.
And so, through comments and reviews, I will learn about my first e-book and where I succeeded, where I failed, and where I landed in the Goldilocks Zone. The same will happen with the paperback, as well, but I don't have that same anxiety of not knowing with a physical copy. I own a few books and am happy with the layout, formatting, font, etc - all the technical aspects of something tangible. I am not at all comfortable with the intangible, especially when I've never seen another e-book for comparison. Now, the story - that's all subjective.
Some people will like it and some will hate it. I can't help that. I like it and I'm pleased with the end result. I can't ask for much more than that . . . except for, of course, the reader's enjoyment. I thought I was the happiest I'd be in this process the moment I received my first physical copy, finally seeing my manuscript, a rough stone, polished into a beautiful gem. I love it. But then my friends and family and others appeared, jubilant and excited, and began receiving their copies, and I was even happier! The excitement is infectious and builds a new anxiety about reception, anticipating those first opinions, comments, thoughts, reviews.
I look over at my book and I am happy. To me, it's a success. It's a huge win out of a decade of trials. I am excited to see and hear the response. I am excited to learn from it. Mostly, right now, while I'm happy to have the e-book out, I am insecure about how it compares to other e-books in format and style, and readability. These are the reviews from which I will learn the most. And that is why it takes a village. Without the reader, I wouldn't learn anything at all.
Monday, October 30, 2017
Hi Neglected Blog! I'm Back! ^_^
So much has happened over the last few years that it's hard to imagine life will ever stop spinning. Out of so many life changing events, it's hard to define the "best" one. However, I can start with the most exciting - well, to me, that is, of course! I PUBLISHED MY MANUSCRIPT AT LONG LAST!
"The Arrival" - go here or here and buy one! Go, now! I'll wait!
(Hums elevator music for 5 minutes.)
Thank you!
Whether you are new to my neglected blog or blue in the face from waiting for the next post, you can easily tell that I am weird. That's an undeniable fact. If you search the blog, I have talked and talked incessantly about my book and characters, and the strange turns writing can take. I've also used this as a platform to talk about my health. And sometimes, my cat Neko (rest in peace) would take over my keyboard and rant about Jonny Fang Face. It's really too sad that we can't enjoy Neko's rants any more. But, I have 6 others and they are quite opinionated. So maybe we'll all be in for a treat yet. ^_-
I am not known for writing short posts, be it here or on Facebook. However, I shall offer a condensed version of happenings:
I was diagnosed (dx'd) with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 following an ER visit on Friday the 13th. That seems appropriate. Many happenings followed. I had to leave my awesome job in 2014. I am disabled (and every time I say that, I think of The I.T. Crowd's Roy when he used the disabled toilet...love). Sometimes my brain just doesn't want to work or communicate with my body. Some people like to say they walk like a drunk, and that makes me think of Johnny Depp's pirate stagger - but I am nowhere near as elegant and graceful as that. LOL
2015 was eventful! I was dx'd with breast cancer and I became a grandmother! I subsequently beat breast cancer after three surgeries, the last being almost a year ago, and am pushing myself back into the routine of life. I strive to succeed at least one day a week, but the effect of those surgeries and pain on my MS has made for a slow recovery. But it is a recovery, and that's important. My granddaughter turns two soon and is fiercely intelligent, super adorable, and scarily fearless. This child will be jumping out of planes by the time she is five. I wish my daughter the best of luck with that.
Time comprehension is difficult for me and I have memory issues, so my health acts as a way point for determining when happenings happened. Since the last surgery in October 2016, my soul sister passed away unexpectedly, I got really sick and landed my butt in bed for a month, and now I'm here, celebrating my debut novel. It's not all doom and gloom. We just tend to focus more on the negative, which I handle the best I can with humor. So, good things happened - I mean, obviously - I did beat cancer! And I published my book. And the sequel is written and has been through extensive edits, so it won't be long to follow.
In addition to finding a semblance of routine in my life through fatigue and the gazillion specialists I see, (you can only LOL - I mean literally, it's the only thing that helps), I shall endeavor to neglect this blog LESS. I want to share my excitement, my weirdness, my insight into my book and the process, and I want to let my cats rant. They have to live with me. I think they've earned it. But for now, I will close and say thank you for reading this far, and you get, like, . . . 3,000 bonus points if you actually bought my book while I hummed elevator music, because that's just awesome!
So much has happened over the last few years that it's hard to imagine life will ever stop spinning. Out of so many life changing events, it's hard to define the "best" one. However, I can start with the most exciting - well, to me, that is, of course! I PUBLISHED MY MANUSCRIPT AT LONG LAST!
"The Arrival" - go here or here and buy one! Go, now! I'll wait!
(Hums elevator music for 5 minutes.)
Thank you!
Whether you are new to my neglected blog or blue in the face from waiting for the next post, you can easily tell that I am weird. That's an undeniable fact. If you search the blog, I have talked and talked incessantly about my book and characters, and the strange turns writing can take. I've also used this as a platform to talk about my health. And sometimes, my cat Neko (rest in peace) would take over my keyboard and rant about Jonny Fang Face. It's really too sad that we can't enjoy Neko's rants any more. But, I have 6 others and they are quite opinionated. So maybe we'll all be in for a treat yet. ^_-
I am not known for writing short posts, be it here or on Facebook. However, I shall offer a condensed version of happenings:
I was diagnosed (dx'd) with Multiple Sclerosis in 2008 following an ER visit on Friday the 13th. That seems appropriate. Many happenings followed. I had to leave my awesome job in 2014. I am disabled (and every time I say that, I think of The I.T. Crowd's Roy when he used the disabled toilet...love). Sometimes my brain just doesn't want to work or communicate with my body. Some people like to say they walk like a drunk, and that makes me think of Johnny Depp's pirate stagger - but I am nowhere near as elegant and graceful as that. LOL
2015 was eventful! I was dx'd with breast cancer and I became a grandmother! I subsequently beat breast cancer after three surgeries, the last being almost a year ago, and am pushing myself back into the routine of life. I strive to succeed at least one day a week, but the effect of those surgeries and pain on my MS has made for a slow recovery. But it is a recovery, and that's important. My granddaughter turns two soon and is fiercely intelligent, super adorable, and scarily fearless. This child will be jumping out of planes by the time she is five. I wish my daughter the best of luck with that.
Time comprehension is difficult for me and I have memory issues, so my health acts as a way point for determining when happenings happened. Since the last surgery in October 2016, my soul sister passed away unexpectedly, I got really sick and landed my butt in bed for a month, and now I'm here, celebrating my debut novel. It's not all doom and gloom. We just tend to focus more on the negative, which I handle the best I can with humor. So, good things happened - I mean, obviously - I did beat cancer! And I published my book. And the sequel is written and has been through extensive edits, so it won't be long to follow.
In addition to finding a semblance of routine in my life through fatigue and the gazillion specialists I see, (you can only LOL - I mean literally, it's the only thing that helps), I shall endeavor to neglect this blog LESS. I want to share my excitement, my weirdness, my insight into my book and the process, and I want to let my cats rant. They have to live with me. I think they've earned it. But for now, I will close and say thank you for reading this far, and you get, like, . . . 3,000 bonus points if you actually bought my book while I hummed elevator music, because that's just awesome!
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