Health Update - sleep is good - I'd like more please

It's only 9:52 cdt and it feels like 2am.  I was just reading one of my old status updates - the one where I was officially diagnosed with MS, to be precise, and just realized that I have been plagued by sleep issues since this whole medical-thing started.  I also realized that I started this blog to keep my friends and family updated on my health status with my MS (multiple sclerosis) and it turned into a writing blog with updates on my MSs (manuscripts).  An odd twist there.

Sleep is a funny thing when you suffer from a lack of it for one reason or another.  In my case, my brain doesn't want to "shutdown" or "hibernate."  Like a computer, once it's up and running, it wants to compute and process, so while my body's in shutdown mode, my brain's all like, "Oh no, we can't do that!  We still have this to think about!  Or this to plan!  Or this problem to solve!"  So I'm on medicine to suppress that along with medications that have sedation effects.  But then when those kick in, I get the vivid dreams, because - again - my brain is ON.  And these are weird dreams, let me tell you.  If  I'm not suffering from nightmares, I'm having dreams so weird, they wake me up from sheer oddity.  So then I take medicine to suppress dreaming along with everything else.  And still I can't sleep.

I can't fall asleep.  I can't stay asleep.  I can't wake up in the mornings.  But, very much like I said in that old post, I can nap during the day just fine.  Of course, those odd, vivid dreams are there.  I recently had a very strange dream about South Park characters that had me laughing so hard in my sleep I woke up.  I don't know.  I haven't watched South Park in months and it didn't even have any actual South Park characters in it.

But recently I've discovered a beverage called NEURO Sleep - a concoction of vitamin-y things that induce sleep, and the joys of melatonin and magnesium.  I hate to do a testimonial thing, but that Neuro Sleep drink works for me.  I drink about a third of the bottle 30-minutes before bed when I take my melatonin and I am out.  And since starting the melatonin - I take a dual-layer pill:  the outer layer is a fast release and the inner layer is time released - it's been easier to wake up.

But alas - it's still not a magical pill.  I wake up in the middle of the night.  I still have blue circles under my eyes.  I'm still exhausted all the time.  I still have MS, after all.

Then again, that's not all.  We've recently done some work around our house and my health hasn't been the greatest, anyway.  I'm suffering from some mystery ailment that has been under investigation since June and I have to undergo a procedure in early October for some exploratory looking around (yay).  In addition to that, I appear to be entering some of the secondary issues related to MS - where the MS itself seems to be okay (although we haven't done an MRI this year, so we don't really know), but I have other health issues kind of sorted related - like atypical raynaud's disease.  What is up with that?  It's 90 degrees outside and I'm inside under my blankets feeling like my toes are getting are frostbitten.  I have never had it happen during the summer before, so I am definately not looking forward to the winter.

 So back to working on the house.  My husband has a bad back and I'm the type of person to take on extra work to alleviate someone else's suffering.  That's just who am I.  Well, it's never quite sunk in that I can't really do that anymore.  Between being taxed mentally and physically at work, and then coming home and laboring (like scraping down a popcorn ceiling, prepping it, sanding it, prepping it, sanding it, priming it, painting it, and then re-painting the walls, for one example) - I was exhausted-exhausted.  But I slept great!

Anyway, I had to see my endocrinologist and my bp was 83/53.  I was so dizzy and seeing stars, and couldn't even take in the deep breaths for the physical exam without steadying myself on the table.  He ordered me to go home for the rest of the week, on bedrest, and to drink plenty of water to get my blood volume up.  Being someone who doesn't like to do nothing, that was hard, but I did what he said.  Having a doctor tell you - actually tell you - "You are in no shape to be doing anything yourself" is hard to hear, and to have that followed up go to the ER for IV fluids if you throw up is just down right scary, so I listened.  I drank water and checked my bp.  It was low for a few more days and it took about a week before people started telling me I looked better, but I still get light-headed and see stars on occasion.  It was scary.  This was the first time I've ever pushed myself hard enough to see where pushing myself would get me.  If I don't learn my limits, I'm going to wind up in the hospital.  It sucks.  My brain doesn't seem to understand that and in the heat of the moment (sorry for the cliche), my body doesn't either.  It's not until way afterward, when the pain sets in, that I've realized what I've done.  Adrenaline and the need to get the job done takes over, and that's what I focus on.

So needless to say, health-wise, it's been an eventful and long summer.  I haven't been able to get out and enjoy the garden like I normally would.  I've been far more exhausted than normal and in far more pain than normal.  We are hoping this exploratory thing might help explain some of the joint pain, but if not, I may have to go back to the rhuematologist (sp?).  That's all I need.  Another specialist.

The one thing all my doctors have in common is a worry over my sleep.  All of them say they think I'd be much better off if I could sleep.  I think so, too.  But there's not much I can do about it.  Maybe a sleep study would help.  I'll talk about it with my neurologist in November. 

I know this one isn't proofed and I apologize.  I've already taken my nightly/sleepy-time meds and I need to hop into bed.  So good night and thanks for checking in on me. 

PS.  Chehon and Cyrus made it to the finals.  I don't know what to do.  :-(  Chehon?  Cyrus?  Chehon?  Cyrus?  I personally think they are rigging the show to push the audience to vote for Cyrus, which sucks because he truly is awesome - and I only say that because he got dubstep as his choreographed dance on the last show.  Granted, his style is "animation," but it's darn close to dubstep and they said they would never have his style on the show because it's too hard to do.  And yet, guess what?  There it is and who gets it?  Cyrus.  And was it fantastic? Yes.  But does Chehon get a wonderful ballet routine to show off his spectacular muscles or abilities to defy gravity as he soars through the air?  No.  He gets the cha-cha-cha, which he is just not good at.  (Sorry Chehon - I'll still vote for you.)  Chehon's solo and his choreographed routine were great, but that cha-cha-cha was awful.

PSS.  And I can't write without a book update.  I finished reading Confessions and making my hardcopy edits.  Granted, it still needs work, but I just love reading that story.  I was bawling at the end.  My husband came home and saw me crying and asked what was wrong.  I pointed at the computer screen and he asked, "You know how it ends, why are you crying?"  The first book used to make me cry like that before I read it hundreds of times.  I suppose eventually I'll stop crying when I get to that point, but dammit, it's sad.  I think for a brief respite, just for fun, I'll read what I have written in COMS, and then resume the actual work part of writing.  And for the record, changing the indents to tabs on Confessions wasn't nearly the PITA it was on the The Arrival.  The one thing I did stumble with was hyphenating ##-year-old and maintaining consistency.  I had to study the rules for that a bit.  I'm still not entirely clear, but I think I have it down now.  Here's the link I used: http://www.grammarmudge.cityslide.com/articles/article/426348/2805.htm.  It's amazing the details that stick out on every read through.  Something new jumps out--even small details like dates or numbers of people that make me stop and recount and think, wait, that's not right, it should be this...I love it.

What do you know, Max Richter, On the Nature of Daylight, is back on my player again - but it's transitioning to Olafur Arnalds.  He is a wonderful musician.  I have yet to find a song of his I don't like.  This one is Brotsjor, but I am quite fond of his Living Room Songs album, among others.  Still can't do anything without music.

And finally, our pepper shaker broke.  So we had to buy a new set.  We chose ninjas.  Anyone entering our kitchen beware!  O_O