Getting Back Up

I started a new job for the first time in a decade on December 1, 2010. As I went through the application process, made sure I had the perfect cover letter, and was subsequently as perfect as possible in the interview, I realized how daunting it really is to try for a new job. And when I found out the ratio of applicants to interviewees, I realized it was even more daunting than I had first thought. I was one of the lucky FEW who got an interview. And then I was the lucky ONE who got the job. (Now's my moment to yell out, "Go Me!")

And so I entered the wonderful field of I.T. And I love it. What I don't love; however, is that I am a right and left brained individual. I crave science just as much as I do creative arts. I'd love to stare at the stars and point out constellations, and I'd love to paint the dark silhouette of a White Ash tree against the brilliant backdrop of night. My previous job struck a balance. I was creative and I designed databases. Most of the time, I created creative databases. :)

But I also had more time. With the new job, I've lost any grip I had on time. Not that time is a tangible object or easy to control. I just...don't seem to have much anymore. And now that I've submerged myself in the scientific (with no time), my creative side has been, well, pushed aside. I mentioned in my previous post that I had stopped writing. I never said why or when.

I can't honestly say the job is at fault. I think it's a combination of things, really. It's a more physically intensive job taking it's toll on a body suffering from Multiple Sclerosis and the mental fatigue that follows. It's the fact that I am a person who works hard and pushes my limits until I've gone beyond them and am in orbit somewhere (probably around Jupiter). It's my fault. I don't know my limits, and now I work and I go home exhausted, and turn into a zombie - not a literal zombie, mind you. It's all figurative (although, I will contend that the zombie apocalypse could happen). However, over the last few months, I've begun getting into the routine and getting the feel of the pacing. I think...I might actually be getting some of my time back. In fact, I know I am.

So let me return to my writing. My childhood goal was to be a published author. The idea for my story came to me in a dream when I was about 13 years old. I've been writing and revising that tale every since then, and it has evolved into something amazing. BUT. When I sat down in January 2007 and began seriously writing it out, pounding away until three months later I had a 400 page manuscript, I didn't do it with the intention of getting published. I just wanted to write my story. I wanted it out of my head and onto paper where I could share it with others. And I am so thankful that I did.

I've gotten wonderful feedback on it. And I've started writing again - albeit in shorter increments of time. Most importantly, I've decided to begin the agent hunt. I've revamped the blog and am prepared to travel that difficult road to (hopefully) being published. (Please forgive the split infinitive. Dastardly things.)

Looking back at what it took to get this job, I know I can do it. I can weather the rejection letters. I possess the patience to wait it out. I have the will to do the research so I don't waste agents' time with something they'd never take on. I've spent four years working on this story. Revising, re-reading, rewriting, proofing, polishing. I have two and a half manuscripts done. I've read the first one hundreds of times. I've written over 350,000 words! And even though I've planned on at least three manuscripts to complete the story arc, each manuscript has a self-contained story. That way, if I am lucky enough to get published, but the story doesn't do as well as hoped, they can end it there. BUT! If it is received well, I have that second one in the redrafting stage and the third in progress with ideas for more.

I can do this. I just needed a break. After four years of going solid, six months is a short hiatus. I miss my characters. I miss their world. I have a passion to delve back into it and start writing again. But this time, I'm going to write when I can and devote my time to the agent hunt. It's time. And I may be scared to death, but I can't wait!