It's a New Post! Plus...Meet Baby Vash! ^_^

So....first, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!  As with many in the US, my thoughts, prayers, and tears are with Newtown, CT, and Sandy Hook Elementary School.  It's unimaginable to think what those kids and families are coping with, and there truly are no right words one can say.

It's been a while since I've written about writing.  Since finishing my absolute final draft of The Arrival, I've been in a lull.  My focus has been on my one page synopsis and individualizing query letters, and while I've read bits and pieces of #2 and jotted notes for #3, I haven't set aside any time to write.  I've wanted to, really.  Temptation seems to draw me elsewhere.

For instance, the sequel to Dead Island, Dead Island Riptide (mature content), will allow players to carry over their inventory from a saved game.  Awesome!  I love seeing game publishers reward loyalty with perks like this.  However, after finishing the game the first time, I started a new game...which also allowed me to keep my inventory...and then stopped some point after reaching the city.  I'm certain I was pulled away to finish Assassin's Creed Brotherhood so I could start Assassin's Creed Revelations...but, long story short (too late! - Clue), I picked up Dead Island again to finish it with intentions on rushing through to get it done and have my inventory.  Only...I forgot how much fun the game is and keep slumming around the city and island in search of items I don't really need.  :-/  At least I've made it to the jungle, so I'm not too far off from the end.  Call me a fan of large, immersible worlds in which I can roam to my heart's content while felling zombies with my flaming (or electrified) machete.

Alas!  My large, immersible world doesn't need zombies to hold my attention.  Assassin's Creed does a wonderful job as well and I never tire of searching for treasure or taking over the Templar strongholds and running over rooftops.  Fans of the series can guess that I've reached beyond Brotherhood into Revelation.  I have until sometime in 2013 to finish Dead Island, but I think Santa is bringing me Assassin's Creed III and I cannot wait!  Temptation from writing #1 = video games.

Since having my surgery in November, I've spent time in bed watching anime and reading manga, too.  I bought season two for Black Butler, which received mixed reviews from fans, and dug in to the meat of the set.  I have yet to watch the bonus material.  I also re-watched the Trigun series and have started Hellsing Ultimate, which I got for my birthday.  As for BB #2...I can't say that I saw where a lot of the negative reviews I read were coming from, but I felt it was a rushed season that held promise.  It got dirtier and grittier than the original, which I liked, but I wish more time and care had been taken to make it cohesive.  It's a fine addition any fan's collection, but it could have been more than it is.  Of course, the original season, when compared to the books, also could have been more than it was.  Hellsing, as any fan could and should expect, is spectacular, and I am only too happy to listen to Crispin Freeman's voice.  I do like how this one follows the books, unlike the original.  Some time has passed between watching the original, reading the books, and seeing this, so there were parts I looked forward to that that never came to be.  My only complaint is that same complaint I had with the books - the Major talks too much!  Ugh.  It sucked to read the accent and now it sucks to listen to him yammer on.  Shut him up and give Crispin more lines!  But that's minor, really.  I have yet to finish it or watch the remainder of the material that came with the sets.  Otherwise recent manga acquisitions include Bleach, Vampire Knight, Sailor Moon, and Black Butler.  Temptation from writing #2 = anime and manga.

And then...while researching an agent, I discovered one of his clients and rushed out to the store to buy her book.  It's the first time I've ever purchased a hard-cover book (non text book) and the first time in recent memory that a "real" book has captured my attention - let alone a YA novel.  Now, I am thoroughly contented with manga counting as real books, but others consider them glorified comics, so...hence "real" book.  Rachel Hartman's Seraphina - check it out.  Temptation from writing #3 = reading "real" books.

Of course, then there's the new baby in the house...Vash (the Stampede) - yes, an obvious homage to Trigun's main character, to which I also pay homage in my second manuscript.  He's a whopping 9 weeks old and sweet as can be, with an unusual black smoke pattern (black stripes and swirls over nearly-black fur).  He can be a hellion when he's awake - I took a kitten-size Chuck Norris round house to the nose the other night.  There's a picture of Vash below.  We chose to name him from Trigun in memory of Neko, who was loosely named after the Kuro Neko (black cat) in Trigun.  Temptation from writing #4 = kitten.

Finally, I don't know where I've been for the last few years, but I'm in love with Castle.  I first fell "in love" with Nathan Fillion when he was Johnny on Two Guys and Girl and a Pizza Place and have seen him in other offerings since (to include Captain Hammer in Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog).  Temptation from writing #5 = Nathan Fil...I mean...Castle.

Now I'm blogging instead of writing, even while thinking about how much I want to write.  It's funny, in a way, since I'm technically writing...  I don't believe one should force oneself to write.  I believe it can result in stilted, uninspired writing.  However, I'm not sure what to make of these feelings that I want to write, but don't or can't or won't.  I listen to music that I know will inspire the story to flow through me, which works, but I still don't get on the laptop.  I jot down notes in my notebook and get all fired up...but my manuscript remains untouched.  I play scenes through my head and focus on Alex, a character who exists in the first manuscript but isn't introduced until the second story, and where I now want to take him...but he stands still as ink on paper.  Why is this?  Have I subconsciously decided that all energy needs to go into my agent hunt, leaving none for my other projects?  Perhaps I worry that diverting attention away from the agent hunt will interfere.  But that makes little sense when I literally send out one or two queries at a time and research one or two agents afterward in anticipation of the next round.  Well, I've sent another query off and have an idea of someone I'd like to reach out to next...but I have to decide if I want to wait for a particular agent who isn't accepting queries right now, or write to one in the agency who is.  I understand that querying an agency can be, but usually isn't, the same as querying an individual agent, so I have to weigh my pros and cons. 

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop being old fashioned and just send out a bunch of queries...but then I remember that personalized rejections can offer insight and are worth waiting for.  I've probably mentioned before that I've trained myself to expect rejections.  It makes them easier to handle.  But this time, I think given my excitement over the book I found, I have a spark of hope that I am trying desperately to snuff.  After I received my first rejection, I wandered around my garden for about an hour, singing a song over and over in my head, trying to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal.  It was just the first one.  There would be many others.  But, it was the first one and it did hurt.  It's perfectly fine to be disappointed that an agent I liked sent me a rejection, but when I really want that agent to see the potential of my story and feel that hope growing...I know I'm going to feel that hurt again.  That's the life of a writer, though.  Just how it is.  And I'd never give it up.

I love my characters.  I love their world.  I love spending time with them, both the good and the bad, the happy and the gutwrenching.  I love that two and a half novels have spilled from my mind to paper, allowing me to share them with people close to me.  I even love that uncertainty of putting them out in the world for judgment. 

  

HP Pavilion M6 - Follow Up Review

The initial review of the HP Pavilion M6 has had a lot of traffic and one person left comments about his/her own experiences with the laptop.  His/her concerns were as follows:

1. Slight warming of the left palm rest

2. Feels like the display is a bit too reflective (my last one was matte, so i might be panicking)

3. i have some worries about the build quality. i really do hope it lasts {at least} 3 years without any major issues.. (KP Note:  the screen broke and was replaced by HP)

I'll address those concerns first, with my own experience:

1.  I have noticed a warm spot to the left of the touch pad.  However, I generally use a chill pad and that greatly reduces the heat generated.  When one looks at the bottom of the laptop, it is readily apparent that the hard drive, ram, and so forth are compartmentalized through the center - or under the touchpad and through the middle of the keyboard.  All of the vents and fans are in the middle and to the left side, so it's not surprising that heat would gather there.  The only thing of note on the right side of the bottom is the subwoofer.  So - in short, I always use a chill pad - and not one that sits flush against the bottom, but one that allows for proper air circulation between it and the laptop.  It does make a difference.

2.  I had initially noted that the display seemed less reflective than my last laptop, but I believe it's actually the same.  Going from a matte screen to glossy is a big jump and I had issues with it when I purchased my first glossy screen 3 laptops ago.  However, one does adjust and gets used to it.  I'm not going to say it's not a pain - it really sucks when the screen is used outdoors, especially on sunny days.  My personal opinion though is that the glossy screen tends to hold up better to being touched and is easier to clean than a matte screen (my second monitor is matte).

3.  I can't comment with any certainty on the build quality.  I baby my laptops, so the risk of breakage due to use or accidents is minimal.  I have not experienced breakage on any of my previous 4 HP laptops (I still have three of them-current one included-and donated another that is still in use).  That said, the screen/lid is considerably thinner than on previous laptops, so I can see where that could be an issue.  However, in the course of my work, I have seen some truly flimsy laptop lids (cheap Toshibas and HPS) where the lid physically warps and bends when grabbed at the top and given a slight twist.  On this one, if the screen is pushed all the way back and tapped, it will rock on the hinges - so it's not indestructible.  When it comes to laptops and computers, you generally get what you pay for.  This class of laptop is probably mid-range - it's not cheap by any means and it's also not high end,  but it is solid in comparison to the cheapo laptops I just described.  In short - I have not had any problems with the build quality and in fact believe HP added to the portability by adding the grippy-texture to the bottom side of the lid when it is closed to help in avoiding slippage or droppage.  (And yes, like Barney Stinson, I made up quite a few words in that last sentence.)

My qualms with the laptop:

1.  Wireless range.  To be fair, it very well could be our home network.  I have not yet troubleshooted the issue, cycled our equipment, or tried switching the channel.  ALSO - I experience the same wi-fi issues on my phone in the same rooms...although my phone also has connectivity issues with the cell towers, too, when switching from 3 to 4g (Droid Razr).  However, I never had this issue on my previous laptop, so even if the problem lies mostly in my network equipment, I have to wonder if the wireless adapter wasn't somehow....downgraded...or something.  The issue:  in the back rooms of the house, I've had the signal drop out on me (the modem and router are in the living room).  When vpn'ing into work, it's dropped my connection on multiple occasions during the same session.  My VPN connection is considerable slower on this laptop than my other one, as well.  Again, however, there are many variables at play here - as I said, I have not troubleshooted my network equipment and my work pc has recently had some resource hogging software installed on it (and its motherboard is dying - so the list of issues never ends).  The only thing I can say with certainty is that the wi-fi connectivity on this laptop while on BATTERY use, is limited and can drop easily.  That can be rectified by changing the power settings during battery use, though this will use more battery life because it directs more power to the wireless adapter.  This is a common issue in today's laptops, however, and does not necessarily speak poorly of this laptop.  So...did I say anything helpful there or just a bunch of contradictions?  ^_^

2.  Sound.  Beats audio did turn itself back on, despite being disabled in services.  The sound just suddenly got worse.  Other reviewers have completely uninstalled Beats and rolled the sound driver back to an older version that does not use Beats.  That is an option one can take.  I have chosen to work with Beats instead - I turned off the equalizer in Windows Media Player and tweaked the settings on the Beats equalizer.  That has helped considerably.  BUT - the sound on this laptop is just shoddy.  On my old laptop, I could blast the music at full volume and hear it throughout the house.  On this one, sometimes full volume isn't enough for sitting at my desk.  Beats or no Beats, I am disappointed in the sound - both quality and volume.  For my use, it's not a deal breaker, but still a disappointment.  I have yet to use the laptop with headphones, but I anticipate the experience to be more pleasurable (given my experience with the DV7) - this is pure speculation.

3.  Keyboard.  On the rare occasions that I use the laptop keyboard, I am continually thrown by the arrow key placement.  As I said in the other review, I love shortcut keys, so now I'm always hitting the wrong keys.  That said, this laptop does include a full keyboard with number pad, so even when I don't have my USB keyboard, this one is sufficient.  It's a minor issue.

4.  Charging USB Ports.  Excellent theory behind the technology and probably very useful.  But I'd like to be able to turn the function off.  Thankfully, my chill pad has an on/off switch, but few come with that option and it's a pain to remember to turn it on and off.  Both charging ports are on the right side, and due to the way my chill pad works, I cannot use the ports on the left side.

Overall, I don't have much to add to my first review.  Despite the minor issues I've noticed, this is a quality laptop that I would recommend for purchase.  The sound and keyboard are truly minor issues, and I haven't thoroughly investigated the wi-fi issue, so it's not fair to make any decisions based on that.  With the rise of wireless networks and wireless devices comes a rise in wireless conflicts.  Cycling my equipment or changing the broadcast channel just might resolve the issue completely.  When it comes to something like that, unless the wifi on the laptop isn't turning on or is disabling itself (like the DV7), all variables need to be considered before one blames the laptop's wireless adapter.

Aside from the "techy-stuff" and things I talked about in the first review, there are cosmetic and functional changes that I do like - such as the fact that there is no lighted HP Logo on the lid.  Whether it was simply generated by light from the screen or lit by a separate power source, it was a distraction for others in the room (I know, because my husband now uses it in the living room and we typically watch tv in the dark).  The touchpad is larger and not quite as sensitive as the last one.  When typing in MS Word on my previous laptop, I would frequently hit the touchpad and wreak havoc in my document.  I had to get into the habit of turning it off when typing and then turning it on when I needed to use it.  That was a pain.  I have not had that trouble with this laptop.  In fact, the letter keys on the keyboard and the palm rests are in perfect place for typists who use the home row.  The blacklit keyboard is nice when typing in the dark and I LOVE that it can toggled on and off.  I would hate having a backlit keyboard that could not be turned off.  The absence of touch buttons makes the laptop easier to clean without accidentally turning it on/off, adjusting the volume, or turning off the wifi, etc.  In fact, the metallic finish also make the laptop not only easier to clean, but more aesthetically pleasing (the last laptop was glossy and showed every fingerprint, smudge, etc).   The laptop is thinner, lighter, and more portable than my previous one.  I never thought that would be an issue until I found out just how easy it is to move this thing.  I'd have to check the technical specs again (provided in link form in the first review), but I believe this weighs around 5 pounds.  And the added grip is a really nice touch for those who tend to drop things (like me).

In summary, it is usually quite difficult for me to give up my previous laptops in favor of new ones.  I get attached.  I get used to the way things used to be.  I don't like change.  But I haven't had any of those issues with the HP Pavilion M6.  Aside from a few minor quirks, the transition has been smooth and I haven't given my old laptop a second thought.

Sorry for any typos - I didn't edit this post well.  (Feeling lazy today ^_-)

Health Update: Adenomyosis, Mirena, and Some Other Stuff

Today is a writing day, but I wanted to post something first, so expect more odd bits of info strung together without any real relation to one another.  Such is my way.  ^_^

After a summer filled with pain so immense it was untouchable by OTC pain killers, along with prescription pain meds and antibiotics, doctors, xrays, ct-scans, procedures, and mris, I finally have an answer, and for once, I am afflicted with something that can be cured.  The likely culprit:  adenomyosis, which is similar to endometriosis, except that it occurs within the uterus.  My doctor dismissed endometriosis rather quickly due to prior surgeries and the time duration for symptom onset.  She said that signs for endometriosis are usually present early in life and that there was no evidence of endometriosis during an abdominal surgery about five years ago.  Plus, the symptom onset happened steadily over a period of months this past year and then worsened suddenly with acute, localized pain.  We did officially rule out endometriosis with a surgical procedure, but adenomyosis can only be officially diagnosed after the uterus is removed and the organ tissue tested.

Treatment was started by using a Mirena IUD to secrete a hormone into my body that has proven helpful to many women.  In my case, however, I was in constant pain, with a chronic spot localized in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen that sometimes expanded to my lower belly and up toward my right ovary.  Other days, I had horrible cramping pain, which required prescription medication to control.  Other side effects I experienced over this two week period:  increase in hair loss, facial flushing (I'm usually paler than a ghost and my face was sunburn-red), rapid heartbeat, mood changes (anxious, impatient, agitated, depressed), pain, excessive bleeding, and throbbing, pressurized/crushing headaches.  In addition, a few side effects affected my preexisting conditions.  The chronic pain was near a nerve that runs down my right leg, which aggravated my MS in that leg and made it feel like I was going to "lose" it (one of my MS afflictions is that I'll lose partial feeling in my leg(s) or they will feel weak - I refer to this as "losing my legs").  And, mostly with the flushing events, I would feel very warm/hot (no fever), but I have an atypical form of Raynaud's Syndrome and my feet would still be ice cold.  In those situations, I was too hot to sit under a blanket and my feet would be sweating, but freezing.  It was rather odd to experience and frustrating. 

Probably needless to say at this point:  I told my doctor about my symptoms and we decided to remove the IUD.  The next day, I felt immediately better.  The chronic pain was gone, as were the flushing, headaches, etc.  My mood even felt better.  She suspected that my body was rejecting it and attacking it as a foreign body, so I'm on a short course of antibiotics to calm things down.  But to back up just a moment, after removing the IUD, which, in my case, was the best (and pretty much only) form of treatment, my doctor and I discussed the next step.  There are other courses of action, such as trying other hormone/birth control-related treatments, cauterizing the uterine lining, etc, but, in my case, the only next step was a hysterectomy.  The reason why I say "in my case," is because I am very sensitive to medications and my medical history, along with my symptoms, left us with only that option.  Cauterizing the uterine lining helps women where heavy bleeding is the main issue, but it does nothing for pain.  We decided to remove only the uterus so that I wouldn't be forced into early menopause (I'm not even 40 yet!), with yearly checkups to make sure my ovaries are still healthy.

Honestly, after being diagnosed with more incurable syndromes than I can count on one hand, I welcome this hysterectomy.  Finally, I can take control my body and permanently get rid of one element of my pain, which my neurologist believes will also help with my MS symptoms (the constant pain has just been aggravating everything).  (We did mris of my brain and cervical spine, and things are looking good - still have the spots, but the biggest spot is looking even better than it did last year.)  So...yes I'm nervous about major surgery, but I'm more happy that I have an answer and a solution.  I meet with the surgeon next week, and am on the wait list for an opening this month, otherwise I have two tentative dates set for December.  I'll be looking at an overnight hospital stay followed with 2-3 weeks off work, but my position allows me to work from home, so I can cut down my actual off time when I feel up to working (as long as I take care of myself first).

In other health news, another doctor took me off Topamax, which I had been taking to suppress dreams and aid with sleep.  Since then, I've noticed a drastic reduction in many of the symptoms I've been experiencing in addition to what was going on in the paragraphs above.  I had chronic and horrible joint paint, mostly in my elbows, hips, lower back, and occasionally in other joints like my wrists, knees or knuckles.  I was also cognitively disoriented, sometimes to the point that I could barely function at work and was worthless at home - I couldn't think of words, form cohesive thoughts, and was a growing danger because of short-term memory loss.  There was a time in my MS history where that had gotten so bad that I needed to leave post-it notes all over the house to remind me to do things, and I literally was a danger to myself - I almost burned our house down after starting something on the stove and wandering off due to getting sidetracked.  My doctor had told me upfront that Topamax in MS patients either helps or exacerbates their symptoms.  It did exacerbate my symptoms in that I had more numbness/tingling in my legs, full body weakness, and daily headaches, but until we hit 100mg, I was willing to deal with the side effects because the medication worked.  Now that I'm off of it, however, I wish I had done so sooner.  Within the first few days, the mental fog lifted and I was able think more clearly than I had in months.  I could watch movies and tv and put plots together, whereas before, I was a vegetable letting the story stream into my eyes where it dispersed into my brain like a mist never to be formed into a drop of water.  After a week, I noticed the joint pain diminishing.  Eventually, the numbness/weakness got better, and all but pain in my right hip remained - and it was pain from stiffness, not from the joint.  I finally knew what was MS and what was Topamax.  And the best part is that around the time he took me off the Topamax, I had discovered the dual layered Melatonin tablet and obtained his approval to begin using it at bedtime.  It did take some adjusting to dreaming again, but the melatonin has been an excellent replacement as far as sleep therapy goes.  I am sleeping much better now.  I think I mentioned this melatonin in a previous post, along with a supplement beverage called Neuro Sleep (the bottle says to drink the whole thing, but since I take the tablet, I only drink a little over an 1/8 of the bottle every night - one bottle usually lasts about a week).  What a great combination.

So there's the good news I've been waiting to hear all summer, and it couldn't have come at a better time.  I have something to take my mind off losing Neko and I'm in a better place mood-wise to deal with her loss (between the Mirena and Topamax).  I wrote a thank you letter to her doctors and staff at the hospital, which included tidbits about her life and some pictures.  I delivered it when I picked up her ashes.  It was devastating to see that little box.  My sweet Neko-chan has been reduced to a black bag of ash in a small wooden box.  :'(  But at least she's home.

When my husband called to tell me that David wasn't going to make it, I was sitting in a Wal-Mart parking lot with a box of tissues.  "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park came on the radio after we hung up and I cried alone in my car.  Given the song's lyrics, the timing was impeccable and made me cry harder.  It became David's song, and for a long time, I cried when I heard it, but now I can listen to it and just think of David.

On the drive home the afternoon we had to euthanize Neko, I knew that listening to music would have a similar affect.  I don't listen to the radio anymore, so for a while, I drove in silence, not wanting any song to have that influence.  But I knew that in time, during my grief, it was inevitable, so I picked the song(s).  I didn't have "Shadow of the Day" on my flash drive, but I did have Dead to Sunrise's "Too Late" and Linkin Park's "Waiting for the End."  I played both.  Both made me cry harder.  Both are now Neko's songs.  But that's okay with me.  I think it's fitting.  All three songs fit well together, and since they are all sung by the same person (Chester Bennington, the lead vocalist for Linkin Park, started Dead to Sunrise), the somewhat soothing effect of  "Shadow of the Day" adds a calming element to the other two songs.  I can listen to them and remember fond memories instead of feeling an urgent need to cry.  I have had to find new ways to cope with this loss, and mixing these songs into my playlist has actually been helpful.

Speaking of playlists, I'm always behind the trends and don't discover "new" music until long after it's out in the mainstream.  My latest discovery is Lady Gaga.  Yes, I am that far behind, and yes, I like Lady Gaga.  Until recently, I had only heard "Poker Face" a few times, but I have seen her make appearances on shows and so forth, and I liked her every time I saw her.  She has the aura of a strong woman with hidden vulnerabilities, and she seems honest and genuine, as well as approachable, like a normal person even though she's this huge sensation.  I realize that makes me sound like I idolize her, but these are merely statements of observation and the only reason I mention them now is because I've been enjoying her album "Born this Way" - particularly "Government Hooker," "Bloody Mary," and "Heavy Metal Lover."  Finding "new" music is also nice during a mourning period, since it can draw one out of the past (where one tends to dwell on nostalgia).  Next on my buy list is Foster the People (again, I know I am SO behind).  I can't remember how I came to find them, but I love "Pumped Up Kicks" and "Houdini."  I have to laugh at myself.  For loving music as much as I do, I should go back to listening to the radio...but no.  I won't.  After all, the radio wouldn't have helped me find Gus Gus.  ^_^

In writing news, I'm still working on my one page synopsis and I'm still not sure what to cut.  I've also written a few pages of ideas to move the plot forward in the third manuscript and have been thinking a lot about the scenes in the second manuscript.  This is all basically me revving up to get back into writing mode.  I am going to write today, but then I have to go into agent hunting mode again (unless I can get my synopsis done, because I have an agent to query with that).  I had two queries out and received a rejection yesterday, so it's time to keep moving forward.  After experiencing the hurt of the first few rejections, I've gotten into the mindset that I should expect rejections and it's worked.  I get one and just move on.  It only takes one yes and it's that one yes that I'm searching for.  Writing and reading are so subjective and so competitive that expecting a yes every time just isn't realistic or logical. 

You know - I think, just maybe, one of these days I'll write something short and to the point.  Um...-_-'  Then again, anyone who's read my manuscripts or this blog knows how fond I am of words...so maybe not.    The blog has seen a large upswing in traffic, so I'd like to thank everyone for reading and putting up with my eccentricities.  I hope you're enjoying it or finding the information you're looking for.  The "Writing as Catharsis" post made me realize that my posts are so scattered because I just enjoy writing, but I do need to work on my rambling.  ^_^